As the first half of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is set to hit theaters on November 19, 20-year old Emma Watson recently told London’s Sunday Times that she has enjoyed her legacy as Hermione Granger and that she wants to celebrate it instead of trying to move beyond it with edgier roles. In fact, Watson said that she is putting her foot down on two specific things – nudity and cocaine. Coincidentally, her upcoming cameo on Two and a Half Men was canceled.
Watson, who has been attending Brown University to feel normal and grounded, insists that she’s a strong actress who doesn’t need to shed her clothes for success. Oy New York Daily News, fancy a dismissive wank, guvna?
The British starlet added that she’s not “so paranoid or insecure” that she needs to shock others in order to convince them she can play a different role.
“I don’t want everyone to forget me as Hermione,” she told the magazine. “I’m really proud of her.”
But that doesn’t mean Watson is going to avoid taking risks entirely.
“I wished I’d done more naughty things,” she told the UK Sun of her time growing up on set. “Three months ago I cut my hair and at that moment I felt I became a woman.”
Yes, she cut her long hair ridiculously short so she looks like a 16-year old boy and now she finally feels like a woman. Whatever, at least she’s not complaining about being rich. Wait, what’s that, Reuters? She IS complaining about being absurdly filthy wealthy?
“By the third or fourth film, the money was starting to get … serious. I had no idea. I felt sick, very emotional. It was a real shock,” the actress told Vogue in the interview.
What did she think she was making when she was acting in all of these incredibly successful films? Skee ball tickets? If she’s so sick over her estimated $34 million fortune, then she should donate it to charity. For instance, my new “Home For Half-Naked, Coked Up Actresses.” Please make checks payable to CASH.
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tits or gtfo
She didn’t say anything about implied rape and crystal meth though…
If she wants to take a risk like Daniel Radcliffe and do something nude with a horse than I fully support her phony introspective self, I’ll even write a shitty script and toss Alba into the mix and they can all improvise me into the most artful masturbatory session of my life.
Watson said that she is putting her foot down on two specific things – nudity and cocaine.
Keep hope alive, gentlemen – Lindsay Lohan said the same thing once, and now her mug shot illustrates the entries for both those words in the latest Oxford English Dictionary.
This morning, I passed a really annoying billboard of Harry pointing his gay ass wand at traffic.
I contemplated committing an act of commercial terrorism and fashioning a giant penis to fit over the wand.
Then I realized that I’d probably fall to my death and always be remembered as ‘that guy that died trying to put a dick on Harry’s wand.’
Any way, she’s ugly.
/Channels Chev Chelios
Oi, this fahckin’ cunt seem’s ta fancy the fanny ‘ith ‘er new lezzer ‘aircut.
*Points broken chop stick at banner pic*
PRUDELOUS FRIGIDOSO
“Watson, who has been attending Brown University to feel normal and grounded”
Normal and grounded kids do not attend Brown University.
“I won’t do a scene involving cocaine out of respect for Hermione” is code-speak for “I won’t do a scene involving cocaine because it’s a favor to the world to keep people from having to read hackneyed New York Post headlines about what’s really in Hermione’s wand.”
Watson also added “you’re welcome.”
Cut to:
EMMA WATSON walks down a filthy London street. She looks a bit older now. Her hair is a mess.
Title fades up: 10 YEARS LATER.
EMMA walks up to a MAN walking by. He notices her and keeps walking, making sure to avoid eye contact.
EMMA: Hey there.
The MAN slows down, but doesn’t stop. He’s uncomfortable, but she seems vaguely familiar.
EMMA: I’m Emma Watson. You might remember me from the Harry Potter movies.
The MAN stops in his tracks and forces an uncomfortable smile.
MAN: Oh yeah, hey there.
EMMA: Would you like to see my tits for 20 Quid?
The MAN, disgusted, pulls out a 20 and drops it as he walks away. EMMA picks it up quickly and scans the street, already picking her next target.
All that money for a shitty looking $10 haircut.
Does she realize that “normal kids” and “grounded kids” are not the same thing?
Rihanna went to Brown University and got schooled on how to shut the fuck up while your man is driving.
If you want to see her naked just photoshop her head onto Kiera Knightly. About as exciting.
If the check is only made out to cash, what happens if a strong guy of wind picks it up at the top of a multiple billion dollar machine that’s designed to run the Earth into the sun???