Comments of the Week Nov. 7-14, 2010
11.14.10I could give you a complicated breakdown of how Comments of the Week works, but long story short, YOU say something clever/interesting/funny, and WE reward you. Today’s reward is a 100% cotton, American Apparel FilmDrunk t-shirt (ON SALE NOW, ALL SIZES AVAILABLE). Last week was a bang-up one in the comments section, but I still felt Lester Hayes Mayes easily locked up the top spot, and may even be the front-runner for comment of the year. From Channing Tatum to Play a Colonial Spy:
Lester Hayes Mayes says: Does that make him a powdered wigger?
(*slow clap*) Send me your address and shirt size, LHM, you beautiful bastard. And now for that other weekly FilmDrunk tradition, the honorable mention comments:
From Danny Trejo Joins the Muppet Movie:
Donkey Hodey says:
*Kermit stands atop a building in the rain, a loaded gun in his hand as two people fight in front of him. He nervously points the gun at each, as if trying to decide who to shoot*
Rowlf: Shoot him, Kermit!
Rowlf 2: No, ju shoot heem, ése!
Kermit: Both of you shut the f*ck up! I don’t know which one of you is the real Rowlf!
Rowlf 2: Es me, mang! Don’ chu recognize jur compadre?*BLAM!*
Kermit: I think I made the right choice
Rowlf 2: Ju sure deed, mang. Good job keeling that impostor.
From The Best Quote from Armond White’s Review of For Colored Girls:
LaFavre says: I don’t always harken back the 70’s, but when I do, it’s with a radical chic fondness for black exclusivity.
Stay obtuse my friends.
Only on FilmDrunk would a commenter use a Heraclitus reference for a joke about a Fat Redneck Being Forced to Eat His Own Beard:
Kevin says: I think what Hairy Cleatus is trying to say here is that the hairs of the beard are always growing and so he will never have this same beard again, even if he were to regrow it.
And no, I had no idea that was a Heraclitus reference until someone pointed it out. Of course, there’s always the big vagina jokes, like in For Colored Girls Outgrosses Kick-Ass, Scott Pilgrim:
Ace Rimmer says: “Huge Coloured Girls Opening at the Box Office”
In another unrelated story, Gabourey Sidibe visited her gynecologist this week.
Same post:
Larry Says: Instead of sequels to Kick-Ass and Scott Pilgrim, we’ll get For Fan Boys Who Have Considered Suicide When the Domestic Gross was Not Enuf.
/which will be outgrossed by Perry’s Why Did I Get Marri3D?
From Spider-Man Caught Molesting a Dolphin:
Donkey Hodey says: I fingerbanged this dolphin slut once, but she couldn’t keep a secret, so I had to “The Cove” that bitch.
From Uwe Boll’s Fat, Diabetic Superhero Movie, Blubberella:
Michelle07 says: I guess it’s still a steak in the heart that kills her eh?
From White Dog, the Movie about a Racist Dog, Comes to Netflix Instant:
Burnsy says: My yellow lab is great at math.
From Kentucky Man Forced to Eat Own Beard in Fight Over Lawnmower (yes, I will take every opportunity to retype that headline):
Chareth Cutestory says: I haven’t seen a beard cut off this badly since Hugh Jackman shredded the AMEX.
“Anothah koala, Deborra? ANOTHAH F*CKIN’ KOALA?”
…And another good time was had by all. Until next week…


Thank you, thank you!
/wipes joyous tears away, gets Stickum in eyes
poop… balls…
i liked filmdrunk’s trailer better than snl’s
Lester Hayes Mayes you are a god among men and we ask you to lead us in future forum trends and fashions. /salute
ps don’t say in forums where your address is unless its from the real filmdrunk. There are alot of people willing to knock off a filmdrunk T shirt postal delivery, they are like cartons of cigarettes in terms of value.
Can you win Comment of the Week from Comments of the Week? Or is that too meta(l)?
And American Apparel? Really? I expected more from you, Vince, you hipsta queeah. Like Spencer’s Gifts or something.
Vince chose American Apparel solely for the irony, dropping him to Hipster Level 2, but then he just gives them away even though they were made for commercial purposes, dropping him down to Hipster Lev*BRAAAHHHHHM*
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meatsack says:
I havent seen a better use of Limp Bizkit in a youtube video since my cousin Stevies PvP video.
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I love the classics, like calling some skirt’s rump a can. Tits-McGee;
I hear the 4loko girls will do can to mouth.
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Donkey Hodey says:
Within an hour, several people have already been carted off the field with injuries. Two players collided so viciously that one spit out his mouthguard along with a few tablespoons of blood. The woman on the other side of the collision was lying on the ground with her head split open.
You have to know that anytime they play quidditch, there’s a chance that an impromptu game of Smear-the-Queer is going to break out.
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Ragnarok says:
When this many quidditch players gather together I believe it’s referred to as a “murder of cunts”.
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Larry says:
The Sorting Hat put all of these dorks in their gym lockers.
“I want my two dollars!” will never not be funny to Him!
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spazmodic says:
Quoth the raven: “I want my two dollars!”
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My letter gets twice purloined–
Sid Sweat:
“Quoth The Raven: “That’s So Me.””
Dick Buttkus:
“I gave her my tell-tale heart, she gave me a pen.”
Second Sid Sweat.
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GlennBeckhasAIDS:
Heigl’s like the reverse Mal — projects drop into limbo to not be with her
*BRAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHM*
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Burnsy says:
If Heigl were Dorian Gray her portrait would be Magic Eye.
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Patty Boots says:
You know what this reminds me of? The scene from Christmas Vacation when they talk about Ruby Sue and her crossed eyes. Except it’s even dumber than getting kicked by a mule and falling down a well.
“She gets struck by lightning, becomes immortal! She meets a super cute boy, goes back to normal!”
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Morton Salt says:
The headline should say:
This Cars handles like a Dreamworks’.
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Tits-McGee says:
Apparently Plan B doesn’t work, because 2 out of those three movies were abortions.
Good Lord…
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Donk,
Now hold my hat while I scat a while.
What are Elvis’ last words, Alex?
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Larry says: Robot poetry slams sound terrible–i.e. better than regular poetry slams:
“Give. This. Poem. A 7.13875. Bleep. Blorp.”
*deafening robotic finger snaps*
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meat27 says:
Unless the play is a stage version of T2: Judgment Day, I’m not interested. Can you imagine how insightful that would be for us in the west?
“I know now why you watch elder porn. But it’s something I can never do.”
*gives the thumbs up, lowers self into pool full of women covered in tentacles*
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Larry says:
Tobey Maguire is the perfect Nick, who Fitzgerald described as “a bug-eyed Dunstfucker.”
Second meat27. Had me giggling like a Japanese schoolgirl with a tentacle up her skirt.
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Stone Soup says:
Mel Gibson called to warn Geminoid F that if she continues to dress like that, she’s bound to get raped by a pack of Roombas.
Second Stone Soup (although I’d prefer we refer to Roombas as “the R word.”)
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Wayne Jetski says:
David Blaine reaches into Leo Dicaprio’s asshole and pulls out a penis. He looks at an amazed Tobey Maguire.
“Is this your cock?” David asks with a wry smile.
A shocked Tobey spits the cum out of his mouth and exclaims: “You sandbaggin son of a bitch! How did you do that! My hands are shaking right now! Quick give me your cocks!”
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J.L. White
This is very sad but not surprising, considering how much shit she talked about 2Pac when her last album dropped.
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Chino shoots that poison arrow through my hearrrt:
Women be droppin’!
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Larry says:
This is the saddest collision with a Pole in Hollywood since Polanski stopped cruising the middle schools.
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Crapbasket says:
Wait, when they get caught by the mom does she jump in and finish?
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Sir Howard Feltersnatch says:
First they came for the Joose, and I was silent
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Immortal 9 wins THREE TIMES
Immortal 9 says:
Wow, very creative way of reviewing Burlesque.
Immortal 9 says:
This will be the closest Burlesque will have to achieving 5 stars.
Immortal 9 says:
Is anyone else seeing the irony of the fact that her car got wrapped around a pole after seeing a movie called Burlesque?
Vince’s “Sub-joke 2: I heard “Page-five, BJ” is how they call your mom over the intercom where she works.” from the Natalie Portman Sex Comedy post got a big laugh, which was worthy of a mention.
He done made me guffaw
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Donkey Hodey says:
And Craig thinks it’s gonna be a long long time
Till he goes down on another dozen men
He can’t remember who he was at home
Oh no no no He has ROCKET HANDS!
Rocket Hands! Blowin’ a bunch of dudes up here alone
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Morty goes the long way around the neighborhood to arrive at this one:
I don’t know about this movie; I’ve hear about on-set strife. Evidently, Robert Marley, the DP, refused to shoot any scenes with an actor named Brendan Wayne, who plays a character named Deputy Lyle. This caused all kinds of hell for the editing, because Marley insisted on shooting Keith Carradine, who plays Sheriff Taggart. Of course, Taggart and Lyle have most of their scenes together, but Marley wouldn’t budge. Eventually they worked around it and Marley shot the sheriff, but he did not shoot the deputy.
Ya, I gotta give Morty props on that meandering screed. Now, get on another Exquisite Hatred slacker! That baby will feed itself!
I am very pleased to see that I can just second Morty and Donk without having to go through the hassle of nomming. Outstanding.
Exquisite Hatred’s latest is in progress. Hence my more sporadic commenting.
Joy!
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Larry:
I just thought they judged World’s Biggest Twilight Fan using an industrial scale.
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Jokes at Vince’s expense are always good (to masturbate to while I’m creeping his Facebook pics)
Shop 101
Mom wanted a girl, dad wanted a cocker spaniel.
AND
Chareth Cutestory (the invisible basketball got me):
Vincent: “Ishtar? More like Ish-terrible.
*holds invisible basketball tightly*
[later in the studio]
Editor: “Lose it. Lose all of it. Plus I’m pretty sure this guy took a dump in the lobby’s fish tank.”
Jesus Christ, I want to not only nominate everything Chareth Cutestory said about Vince’s hands on the links post, I want each of them made into a giant Demotivations poster with the videocap for my office walls.
Peet’s right but this was special, nasty squirrel
Vince’s hands are so big that the GOP refuses to articulate a plan for dealing with them.
Chareth Cutestory
Because Cousin Eddie will never, ever stop being funny.
Fek’lhr says:
I love this picture so much I want to liquify it and squirt it in my butt with a turkey baster
But what? Your shitter was full?