Comments of the Week!
11.07.10
This week’s Comments of the Week winner (the person with the best comment from last week) will receive a fine, 100% cotton FilmDrunk logo tee printed on a fine jersey American Apparel t-shirt, which, conveniently, are also ON SALE NOW AND AVAILABLE FOR PURCHASE HERE. And just in time for the holidays. Because really, isn’t it about time you put on a shirt? Today’s winner, and I admit I may have given him a slight newbie handicap, was Sir Abel Palsy, for his comment on West Virginia Woman Arrested for Demanding Cunnilingus at Knifepoint:
Sir Abel Palsy says: Looks like a case of butterknife. She’s fat, ugly and her vag reeks like the dead, butterknife.
Well done, S.A.P. Now send me your address to collect your prize. And now for everyone’s favorite, the honorable mentions.
From the Woman Demands Oral Pleasures at Knife Point post:
Morton Salt says: This is why I always move to an entirely new motel when things don’t work out with my lady friends.
Donkey Hodey says: She made him go looking for the little man in the trash barge.
Crapbasket says: So this woman, was she just visiting from Florida or had she been thrown out?
From Plot of Tyler Perry’s For Colored Girls Recreated in 20 Review Quotes:
Token Black Guy says: This is some elaborate way to shame me for dating white girls isn’t it?
From A Robot Gives Jack Black a Wedgie:
Homo Erectus says: I think there’s also a Kandinsky painting with that title.
From Commando: The Musical:
Mick says:
Predator Arnold: “Get to da choppa!”
Commando Arnold: “Get to da chopping!”
Jingle All the Way Arnold: “Get to da shopping!”
Kindergarten Cop Arnold: “Get to da copping!”
Photoshop Tutorial Arnold: “Get to da cropping!”
The Pianist Arnold: “Get to da Chopin!”
From Charles Bronson was the Manliest Man Ever:
Ragnarok says: “Hey girl, I’ll trade you my strawberry pop for your cherry.”
Homo Erectus says: Nothing more embarrassing than showing up at the mines wearing the same dress as one of your co-workers.
From Scarlett Johansson is Playing a Sexy, Horny Alien:
Watanabex says: if there is not one single ScarJo nipple in this film I’m going to masturbate with a frown on my face, a frown!
From Jackman, Elfman, and Sorkin Planning Musical about Houdini:
Morton Salt says:
“Overture/Appleton, Oh, Appleton”
“Bound By Love (The Man In The Safe)”
“It’s Not Magic (It’s Just Me)”
“POOF!”
“Who Can Take A Punch? (Pre-Intermission Roundelay)”
“Our Secret Word (Is Love)”
“Who Can Take A Punch Reprise (Curtain Call Music)”
And finally, from Yogi Bear 3D has a trailer:
Burnsy says: Who did Brendan Fraser f*ck to not be in this?
Well done again, folks. I’m proud to run the only site on the internet about which people frequently say, “the comments on this post are hilarious.” Offended a little, but mostly proud.
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The comments on this post are nonexistent.
I just ordered a shirt. Filmdrunk.bigcartel eh? I hope my money goes toward you making moves to become the kingpin of blog trafficking.
Careful Vince. I hear dangerous things about Jonny-5 and his gang of Los Locos. Better give him a discount.
Gave a handicap to guy named Palsy? I call bullshit! Where were the “newbie handicaps when I was new?
Don’t think I ever got no newjack handicap.
*shrugs, drives off with Wigger Judd Nelson*
PS Newby handicap parking is right next to Fek’s bird of prey. Good luck with that.
I think almost every comment I nominated last week made the list. Yes, you heard that right ladies….
…and young Asian boys.
How do you think I feel, Morty?
Other than with my fingers, I mean.
From “Helen Mirren >>> Jessica Alba”:
Morton Salt says:
-AND-
Patty Boots says:
-AND-
Larry says:
Slight newbie handicap? Be careful, that’s a slippery slope you’re on, giving out advantages to the handicapped. Next they’ll want their own parking spaces or something.
*flash of inspiration*
Hold on . . . handicapped people . . . slippery slopes . . . I smell a Kevin James movie. Let the bidding war commence!
BBBRRRRAAAAAAAAPPPPP!!!
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Donkey Hodey says:
All the good actors I’ve worked with, they all say whatever they want to say.
MC Hammer says the same thing about the Addams Family.
Seconding Donk.
But now that song is stuck in my head. God dammit.
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Ace Rimmer says:
Alba is actually incredibly smart and consistently comes up with the most amazing witticisms. It’s just that her mouth keeps changing the lines.
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Donkey Hodey says:
I kind of like the title ‘Tyler Perry’s for Colored Girls’. I think it sums up his career better than any of his previous films.
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LaFavre says: I don’t always harken back the 70’s, but when I do, it’s with a radical chic fondness for black exclusivity.
Stay obtuse my friends.
no homo
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Patty Boots says:
Shirtless Ryan Reynolds Corgi Party!
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Jonny-5 says: This title just needs two more words. Human Centipede: Cowboy Ninja Viking
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meatsack:
Anderson Cooper thinks this is gay.
Stone Soup fries my chicken:
In an unrelated story, Verizon reported higher than normal cellular usage this weekend as well.
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spazmodic says:
…and the Colored Girls go: derp-a-derp, derp, derp, a-derp
derp, de-derp, derp, derp, a-derp.
[filmdrunk.uproxx.com]
Spazmodic Lou’s my Reed:
…and the Colored Girls go: derp-a-derp, derp, derp, a-derp
derp, de-derp, derp, derp, a-derp.
Ace Rimmer gets bonus points for putting the “u” in Coloured (still no “i” in team though):
Huge Coloured Girls Opening at the Box Office
In another unrelated story, Gabourey Sidibe visited her gynecologist this week.
Wow, I dickstepped Fek in the nominations thread. That might be the Drunkard trifecta.
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Instead of sequels to Kick-Ass and Scott Pilgrim, we’ll get For Fan Boys Who Have Considered Suicide When the Domestic Gross was Not Enuf.
(I could see this actually happening, though)
/which will be outgrossed by Perry’s Why Did I Get Marri3D?
Wow, f’ed that one up a couple of ways… Let’s try that again:
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Larry Says:
Instead of sequels to Kick-Ass and Scott Pilgrim, we’ll get For Fan Boys Who Have Considered Suicide When the Domestic Gross was Not Enuf.
/which will be outgrossed by Perry’s Why Did I Get Marri3D?
(I could see this actually happening, though)
I just want to second everything from the Colored Girls have a big opening thread.
@Ragnarok–thanks thanks. Did you repeat the nomination or just say it once into a coloured girl’s huge opening?
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Stone Soup says:
That shirt is rated EEEE-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE for Everyone.
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Crappy and Donk with the old one-two:
Crapbasket: True story time kiddies!
I once watched a dolphin mastubate with a Frisbee.
Donkey Hodey: How does a frisbee masturbate and who had to eat the biscuit afterward?
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Crappy:
Right, I’m giving up on that stupid “blockquote” nonsense.
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Michelle07:
I didn’t think Spider-man did it on porpoise.
Wow, just noticed I got two in there! Gonna pat myself on the back now. Mmmm. Mmmmmmm. Mmmmmmmm…
(Okay, this is easier. My back is to hard to reach)
Donkey Hodey says: I fingerbanged this dolphin slut once, but she couldn’t keep a secret, so I had to “The Cove” that bitch.
Well, this is awkwarwd. I’m not really a newbie. I kinda just changed my display or nickname or whatever on a whim last week. I go by many names. Sometimes I’m called ‘The Perp’, other times I’m called ‘aww, he puked on my Kswiss’s’. As you can see from the overwordyness, you may know me as nominus. Nommy for short. And I just won me a prize.
Looks like it’s time to review those voting regulations. I’ll avoid a hanging chad joke*.
*no I won’t.
Interesting Fact: Before being called hanging chads, they were known as hanging dorks.
Can I nom Robo through Donkey? ‘Sup boys?!? wink wink cough spittle wink
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Donkey Hodey says:
which is a travesty of sapphic epic proportions
You still won’t name yourself CoTW winner, but this is worthy.
I didn’t even realize that Robo wrote that post. Either Vinky’s getting better or Robo’s getting worse.
Yeah, make that whole sentence a nom, starting from the top:
Jodie Foster’s Beaver may not open wide in the U.S. (which is a travesty of
sapphicepic proportions)[filmdrunk.uproxx.com]
Monks says:
Cut to:
EMMA WATSON walks down a filthy London street. She looks a bit older now. Her hair is a mess.
Title fades up: 10 YEARS LATER.
EMMA walks up to a MAN walking by. He notices her and keeps walking, making sure to avoid eye contact.
EMMA: Hey there.
The MAN slows down, but doesn’t stop. He’s uncomfortable, but she seems vaguely familiar.
EMMA: I’m Emma Watson. You might remember me from the Harry Potter movies.
The MAN stops in his tracks and forces an uncomfortable smile.
MAN: Oh yeah, hey there.
EMMA: Would you like to see my tits for 20 Quid?
The MAN, disgusted, pulls out a 20 and drops it as he walks away. EMMA picks it up quickly and scans the street, already picking her next target.
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Donk Tina’s my Yothers with:
For less than $1 a day, the kids from ‘Slumdog Millionaire’ can get all the basic necessities you take for granted; water, clothes, hot food, a chance to live.
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Crapbasket says:
We have to go derper!
TRRROOOONNNNNN
In the game, it plays you!
TRRRROOOOONNNN
There are no extra lives here, son!
TRRRROOOOONNNN
Again from the overpaid actors post, I’ll combine buzzardsaw‘s two comments into one nomination:
For every 1$ Mel Gibson was paid, your tits look stupid.
Also, I incorrectly place my dollar signs because I’m not a Jew.
Larry gets me burnin’ doin’ the ,a href=http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2010/11/new-tron-legacy-trailer-is-so-intense#comments>New Tron Dance:
Saw another trailer and my heart said Meh
Da new Tron Tron Tron, da new Tron Tron
Garrett Hedlund may be a poor man’s Sam Worthington
Da new Tron Tron Tron, da new Tron Tron
Fuck.
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Crapbasket says:
Uwe Boll is to cinema, as the Boll Weevil is to cotton.
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Average_Bear Something about a movie giving somebody diabeedus just cracked me up;
That must of been a hell of a pitch to get funding
Boll: I wanna make another bloodrayne movie.
Investor: No. That movie gave me fucking diabetes.
Boll: Then I wanna make a movie about a overweight diabetic superhero
Investor: I can relate to that.
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Lester Hayes Mayes says:
Does that make him a powdered wigger?
Not sure if I’m supposed to be nomming, but what the hell.
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Michelle07 says:
I guess it’s still a steak in the heart that kills her eh?
And some from [filmdrunk.uproxx.com]
Are-we-friends-Jack says:
For every $1 Ryan Gosling gets paid a frozen cat-angel gets its wings
Pauly says:
For every $1 Gary Busey gets paid he thanks you for the change you can spare.
The Mutt says:
For every dollar Jim Carrey is paid, a baby dies of Whooping Cough.
Deux Deux Deux says:
For every $1 Dax Shepard makes, are you serious?
Second Lester‘s powdered wigger. Perfection.
BoPa-Lince noms. My mom! }}:>(
Thirding Lester’s awesome powdered wigger comment.
Powdered wigger uber alles.
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Burnsy says:
My yellow lab is great at math.
I fifth through 100th powdered wigger out of sheer jealousy for missing that joke.
Seconding yellow lab.
thirding yellow lab.
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Vince_the_Fire_Clown_Animal
VtFCA’s whole contribution to the thread is pretty entertaining (real or fake), but -and especially if this was all real -I died when he got aggressive with spaz:
Don’t bogart the feed like you bogart Christmas cookies fat tits prove that you are listening and say what they saying
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ATidyLittleSum with the sneaky joke (and I apologize for beating it into the ground later in the thread):
Is this a bad time to tell Phillips that Liam Neeson hates Asians?
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This may seem like a reach around but I don’t care…this shit was funny.
Stinky Peet says:
Twas TidyLittleSum what sed: Is this a bad time to tell Phillips that Liam Neeson hates Asians?
He hates Polish people, too. I heard an interview where he said he wished ’skis and slopes never existed.
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Crapbasket says:
Hey girl, hrrrmmph mmmmfphh frrrrmmmm, was that the little man in the boat?
Second Peet from the Hangover post.
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Crapbasket:
Gabourey Sidibe has one hell of a hang over roll.
Monks:
This is the biggest fuck you to Gibson. He was replaced by Oskar Schindler himself.
And Fek:
The Mighty Feklahr knows of an apartment in Frisco that adds gravitas to bangin’ cock every Wednesday night…
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I missed this at the time but the hazy confusion on display here is fantastic._the_Fire_Clown_ gets the nod as he initiated it all.
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Kevin gives ancient philosophy that crucial redneck twist:
Same post, Chareth, it’s the Aussie dialog at the end that does it:
I haven’t seen a beard cut off this badly since Hugh Jackman shredded the AMEX.
“Anothah koala, Deborra? ANOTHAH FUCKIN’ KOALA?”
Retard/Kangaroo MMA has its new sideshow!
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Donkey Hodey says:
50 bucks says a “Rage Against the Machine” song is in the soundtrack.
I’ll see your 50 bucks and raise you another 50 that the song they use is “Down Rodeo”, which is unfortunately not about retards trying to ride bulls and rope calves.
Holy forshak! We could have Whiplash the Cowboy Monkey ride around and freak the tards out and have the clowns squirt them with seltzer bottles and then Whiplash can go all fucking native and try to rip off the clown’s face and one fo the retards could start eating the manure! QAPLAH!
Just brilliant.
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Donkey Hodey
*Kermit stands atop a building in the rain, a loaded gun in his hand as two people fight in front of him. He nervously points the gun at each, as if trying to decide who to shoot*
Rowlf: Shoot him, Kermit!
Rowlf 2: No, ju shoot heem, ese!
Kermit: Both of you shut the fuck up! I don’t know which one of you is the real Rowlf.
Rowlf 2: Es me, mang! Don’ chu recognize jur compadre?
*BLAM!*
Kermit: I think I made the right choice
Rowlf 2: Ju sure deed, mang. Good job keeling that impostor.
NATALIE PORTMAN’S SEXY SEX COMEDY ABOUT SEXY SEX
Crapbasket:
“[Crappy looks up from his position at the end of a chain gang, he pauses, leans on his shovel, and spits]
Well, hello there.
Well, I tells ya one thing, if’n ya got a theater full of girls a lookin’ at a female driven comedy, reckon there’s that many fewer female driven cars.
[Deputy yells at Crappy]
Hey ya convict! Best bee gittin’ back to breakin that there back or I’ma do it fer ya!
Yessum boss!
[Winks, gets back to work]“
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Larry hot shots my part deux:
“I’ve paid that much for a hangover, too.”
–Charlie Sheen
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Kevin says:
I think what Hairy Cleatus is trying to say here is that the hairs of the beard are always growing and so he will never have this same beard again, even if he were to regrow it.
Not the best comment this week, but a little recognition for an obscure, yet relevant, reference to 2500 year old Greek philosopher warrants some recognition.
I didn’t see Ace Rimmer’s props before blasting my own horn. Ace you are a true scholar sir.
What can I say, Kev; beards, presocratics, and terrible puns, these are a few of my favourite things.