Aykroyd’s Yogi Bear Voice is Scary
11.04.10
Whoa, Big Momma’s House 3 and Yogi Bear on the SAME DAY?? What God did I please! But anyway, yeah, it’s a 3D Yogi Bear movie with Justin Timberlake and Dan Aykroyd (nice try disguising your voices there, guys, but you do realize we have Google). The studios have got appealing to the 6-year-old brain down to a science at this point (anything else would require ambition), which means that this has all the standard elements of every lame children’s film: a fart joke, CGI characters dancing to pop music, and someone getting hit in the butt a bunch of times (all kid movie protagonists spend half the movie smiling at the camera and swinging their butts from side to side, has anyone else noticed this?).
Basically, it’s exactly what you’d expect. My only question is, where are the semen-filled bears I was promised in the poster? Don’t tell me I have to wait for Yogi Bare.
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This is the world’s greatest advertisement for vasectomies.
Werner Herzog looked at this footage and warned Timothy Treadwell’s family to never, ever watch it.
“A picnic basket isn’t cool. Know what’s cool?” *rips epic bear fart*
This fall, a bear shits in the theater.
As depressing as this trailer is, I give you the following moment from the “Burlesque” trailer:
Tucci: So, is Ali short for anything?
Aguilera: Oh, yeah, it’s short for Alice.
Tucci: Alice, hm? Well, welcome to Wonderland.
Seriously, somebody went through the whole movie and picked that out as a selling point. They must have seen Seabiscuit Jessica Parker say “we’re not in Kansas anymore” in the 2ex and the 2ity ad and thought, that’s the worst line ever–UNTIL NOW.
Who did Brendan Fraser fuck to not be in this?
The Hair Bear Bunch would rape the fuck out of these carwash cunts.
In the porno version Yogi lives in Kyjellystone Park.
Make this a Double Feature with Gulliver’s Travels, and you’ve got yourself a guaranteed brain tumor.
all kid movie protagonists spend half the movie smiling at the camera and swinging their butts from side to side
Per GLAAD’s suggestion, more Gay Agenda™. Anderson Cooper wildly approves. (*finger-snap clap, turtlenecks*)
Don’t tell me I have to wait for Yogi Bare.
I thought that was banned due to explicit scenes of bear ‘bating?
CGI characters dancing to pop music
Yogi will also pour a 40 of Laser™ out on Boo Boo’s ass, while smoking menthols on his porch, and grilling chitlins and gizzards in an oil drum BBQ. (*Papa Was a Rolling Stone blasts from duct-taped boombox*)
True Story: I could immediately tell it was the end of Fantastic Mr. Fox because all the main characters started dancing to a hipstery kind of pop song, thanks to FD I didn’t have to sit through it and just turned it off at that point. BTW, It was a cussin’ cute movie.
Hiring expensive (at least in Timberlake’s case) celebrities (again, at least in Timberlake’s case) to try to sound like a 50 year old cartoon is such a maddening thought that it makes me want to eat my childrens’ eyes.
That being said, it’s like a glass of warm milk next to Vince’s new Facebook profile picture.
“Semen-filled Bears”
Worst.
Gay.Porno. Ever.*curses Internet porn sites that don’t warn about gay content. Wipes up vomit.*