NOTE TO CASTING DIRECTORS: HIRE THIS RAPIST

Written by Vince Mancini / 10.15.10

Hire-This-Rapist

As Hunter Thompson showed us this morning, there’s nothing wrong with writing candidly in a cover letter to a prospective employer. Daryl here is an earnest and energetic leading man who just finished playing a rapist, and that’s fine. The only problem I see is his child-like handwriting, which makes it look as if he scrawled this with a safety pencil during crafts time at the asylum. My suggestion? Next time, Daryl, don’t hand write the letter. You want this to look professional. Instead, try cutting the letters out of magazines and pasting them on the page. It’s like owning a home printing press! No charge for the free advice. Good luck, Daryl!

[Awl]

TAGS: DARYL THE RAPIST, LETTERS, RAPISTS

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49 comments

Vince Mancini posted

"NOTE TO CASTING DIRECTORS: HIRE THIS RAPIST"

10.15.10 at 2:03 pm
Bubb Rubb
Poor Daryl. His other brother Daryl got all the smarts.
10.15.10 at 2:04 pm
Burnsy
Why did they cover up The Trish & Rooster Story?
10.15.10 at 2:04 pm
Stone Soup
Impressive CV there, Daryl. Tell me something, ever work in front of anything besides a security camera?
10.15.10 at 2:05 pm
Bubb Rubb
I love how the three photos offer a perfect progression for the note.
Top pic: Earnest, Leading man smile.
Middle pic: Creepy rapist stare.
Bottom Pic: Call me……I can see your soul!!!
10.15.10 at 2:12 pm
Tits-McGee
Did he do “rape-rape” or “funny-rape”? Because nothings funnier than funny-rape.
/Imagines vince being violated by Pennywise the Clown
//shudders
///adds liberal use of bike horn sound effects
////funny again
10.15.10 at 2:13 pm
The Jersey Devil
C’mon, you think Daryl wrote that himself? He forced a girl to write it for him after he actually raped her, and the blurry spots are from her tears. It’s called research.
10.15.10 at 2:15 pm
Mick
Don’t blame him for the handwriting. He dictated the letter to his 9-year old victim, who had to write it with her free hand and she’s normally right-handed :(
10.15.10 at 2:18 pm
Bubb Rubb
Makes sense:
AFTRA: American Film & Television Rapists……..AWESOME!!
10.15.10 at 2:19 pm
ChinoMoreno
I wonder what would happen if he auditioned for Roman Polanski…
10.15.10 at 2:21 pm
Ace Rimmer
Earnest & Energetic
which is exactly the qualities you want to see in a rapist. Nothing worse than a rapist who’s too lazy to do the job properly, and then lies about when he’s going to finish.
One of the myriad ways in which rapists resemble plumbers.
10.15.10 at 2:21 pm
ChinoMoreno
I like my actors like I like my rapists. Earnest and energetic.
10.15.10 at 2:21 pm
ChinoMoreno
AHHHH!!! Now we have to get married!
10.15.10 at 2:22 pm
ChinoMoreno
Daryl’s getting this part. He won’t take no for an answer.
10.15.10 at 2:23 pm
Bubb Rubb
NoMO, hat was my beef with the one time I got raped. His heart just didn’t seem to be in it :0(
10.15.10 at 2:24 pm
ChinoMoreno
That’s probably because you just laid there.
10.15.10 at 2:25 pm
Mark It Zero
Wonder if he immigrated from Aftra pre or post Aparfheid.
10.15.10 at 2:25 pm
Bubb Rubb
Hat Was My Beef, or, How I Survived A Winter With The Donner Party.
…….a little book I’m working on.
10.15.10 at 2:26 pm
ChinoMoreno
Hide your directors, hide your producers.
10.15.10 at 2:28 pm
Bubb Rubb
You don’ have to come and audition, we lookin’ for you…..
10.15.10 at 2:30 pm
Kevin
Daryl will appear on Oprah later this week because he was bullied for “playing” a rapist.
10.15.10 at 2:30 pm
ChinoMoreno
I’ll let him audition for me as long as he’s a rhythm method actor.
10.15.10 at 2:32 pm
ChinoMoreno
Daryl likes to audition for joggers in Central Park.
10.15.10 at 2:34 pm
Kevin
Darryl was seriously considered for lead in Patch Adams national tour.
10.15.10 at 2:35 pm
Kevin
Holy fuck this asshole spells his name with one ‘R’… creepy!
10.15.10 at 2:35 pm
ZeroCharisma
True story: There was this lady where I work and she was a part time clown who would go to visit children in the hospital to cheer them up. She decided to strike out on her own and do it full time, so on her last day she gave everyone a card with her contact info and such. We could email her at gigglestherapist@yahoo.com.
I think ranch dip shot out of my nose.
10.15.10 at 2:36 pm
Ace Rimmer
Hat Was My Beef: My Life as a Devovore.
10.15.10 at 2:37 pm
Crapbasket
[Crappy flies up, trapped in what appears to be a spinning two dimensional plane of glass. The 'glass' breaks and Crappy falls to earth]
Funny thing how the police really don’t go for the “But I’m a method actor!” excuse any more than they go for the “Two beers” line.
10.15.10 at 2:40 pm
Crapbasket
roCha, copy and submit to Failblog.org please.
10.15.10 at 2:42 pm
Bubb Rubb
If he was a Method Man actor he’d fucking tie you to a fucking bedpost
with your ass cheeks spread out and shit
Right?
Put a hanger on a fucking stove and let that shit sit there
for like a half hour
Take it off and stick it in your ass slow like
Tssssssss
10.15.10 at 2:42 pm
Erswi
I played a rapist on stage once. It was my 6th grade presentation of The Miracle Worker. How the f*ck was I to know the little bitch could actually identify me? SHE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE DEAF AND BLIND AND ONLY ABLE TO MUMBLE AND SHIT!!
10.15.10 at 2:44 pm
Stinky Peet
“Just finished playing a rapist in a film… okay, technically it went straight to video… well, by ‘video’ I mean I’m pretty sure a security cam caught part of it… call me!”
10.15.10 at 2:45 pm
Ace Rimmer
His contact info is pixelated, but you can find him at .
10.15.10 at 2:46 pm
Ace Rimmer
Oh fucking cock balls cunt: [therapistfinder.com]
10.15.10 at 2:46 pm
ChinoMoreno
Daryl’s really gonna put all of himself into this role.
10.15.10 at 2:47 pm
Crapbasket
I thought Eminem did a good job of playing a rapist in 8 Mile.
10.15.10 at 2:49 pm
Michelle07
Of course he gets the part! It’s just sitting there asking for it.
10.15.10 at 2:49 pm
Michelle07
He doesn’t want a part, he’s looking or a piece.
10.15.10 at 2:50 pm
Bubb Rubb
The creepy part is, Daryl has these head shots plastered all over the inside of his van.
10.15.10 at 2:50 pm
Michelle07
That writing is perfect, it just needs to be signed
Fanks Mom,
Wuv Darl
10.15.10 at 2:51 pm
Michelle07
AFTRA
American Federation of Trish and Rooster Autos
10.15.10 at 2:57 pm
Crapbasket
I had an ex who liked it when I played a rapist. It’s true. She was also a stripper and was a total whore with deep deep daddy issue scars and herpes. In closing, 1993 was fucking wieeeerd for me.
10.15.10 at 3:03 pm
Charlie Br0nze
In the photos he’s kind of reminiscent of that creepy looking character from Heroes. Hayden Panettiere.
10.15.10 at 3:05 pm
Ace Rimmer
Those head shots really show his amazing range: he can do :), :(, and :|.
10.15.10 at 3:12 pm
Michelle07
Sorry ’bout steepin on your weiner there Bubb. My bad.
10.15.10 at 3:26 pm
Bubb Rubb
Don’t worry, Meech. AFTRA: Acronyms – Fun To Rite Altoogethur!
10.15.10 at 3:29 pm
Ace Rimmer
Just finished playing a rapist
He’s put the rapist in his reahview.
10.15.10 at 3:46 pm
Charlie Br0nze
World weary extra. Just finished getting violated by some asshole in a promotional video for Diazepam. That’s it! Back to Winnipeg!
10.15.10 at 6:17 pm
Waka Waka
And by playing a rapist in a film, he means filming himself raping his french poodle for an underground bestiality porn chain prominent in the eastern villages of India…what, it’s getting big over here too…right?
*lovingly strokes miniature doxin and slides open jar of Skippy out of view*
10.17.10 at 3:54 am
Freedom Chipmunk
“Played a rapist” … If that’s how we’re phrasing it now, I might finally be able to get a job and off that stupid Sex Offender list. Going door to door every time I move is getting old.