By now you’ve no doubt heard about Charlie Sheen being rushed to the hospital by his ex-wife this morning, but I’m just going to pile onto this gangbang like one of Charlie Sheen’s hookers. Turns out our country’s highest-paid TV star and leading ugly shirt wearer was found coked up and naked in a trashed hotel room, and was taken to a hospital accompanied by his ex-wife, Denise Richards, who was staying at the same hotel. Other highlights:
Sheen’s representative says the actor was taken to a hospital after an allergic reaction to medication. The spokesman, Stan Rosenfield, said Sheen is expected to be released Wednesday.
That medication? Uncle Twitchy’s Famous Throat & Nostril Anaesthetic. (It’s the wonder powder!)
Security at the Plaza Hotel on Fifth Avenue called 911 around 2 a.m. where they found the actor who appeared highly intoxicated, sources said. Richards accompanied Sheen to New York/Presbyterian Hospital, according to reports. Sheen was reportedly in New York on a family vacation. [CBSNewYork]
That family vacation? The kind where you leave your wife at home and hang out with hookers:
The police found a half-naked Charlie passed out on the bed and a naked woman, who was identified as an escort, screaming from inside the closet. [LifeandStyle]
My exclusive sources say a Two and a Half Men marathon came on TV and Sheen had passed out on top of the remote. Thank God for the heroic actions of police, who were able to get her out of there before she was forced to endure more canned laughter through the door.
"Are we through here? I've got six coked-up whores in my loft, if ya catch my drift."
Mini-Update: Apparently his little “family vacation” (*taps nostril*) has been going on for weeks.
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/photo/257/thumb)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/03/Shaun-of-the-Dead-150x150.gif)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/scary-movie-5-has-a-depressing-new-trailer-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/02/Oscars-Snow-White-1989-rob-lowe-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/02/Glimpse-Inside-mind-charles-swan-150x150.jpg)
Seriously, how the fuck can FX air that show next to Louie and Archer?
justttttttttt a bit up the nose
This week on Two and A Half Years Of Probation..
There was an Escort in the closet? I thought it was the electric car that was gay.
He would have called the cops himself, but Michael Jordan still has his cell phone.
Sounds like just another Tuesday for him.
In his defense, like any of us can climax without a terrified, shrieking prostitute confined in their closet, right?
He drove 12 cars off of cliffs on his trip to NY.
And that was just getting to the airport.
Just wait (in the closet) ’til we get our Hanes on you.
Normally my hotel room comes with an ironing board and a few hangers in the closet. Seems as though the price of the Plaza Hotel is worth the extra amenities.
Charlie got a black hooker pregnant, and she named the baby Afro Sheen.
See, this is just the type of thing Randy Quaid has been talking about.
The hooker was screaming because R. Kelly freaks her out.
As it just so happens, I just escorted Emilio Estevez from my local Home Depot parking lot. He’s going to re-do my closets.
The incident started when Sheen noticed the escort had on too much eye make-up.
If Charlie hung out with Kobe more than MJ, he’d know that you should never take it to the 2 hole without explicit permission. That’s always how these things escalate.
Wait, if Denise Richards took Charlie to the hospital, then how did they find her int he closet?
Between this and Blue Mountain State, I’d say Denise Richards finally has her life in order.
At this point, I don’t think anyone would be surprised if Mr. Sheen revealed that he owned a actual Whore Island.
“Officer, I can explain…….this WHORE has never seen Apocalypse Now!, so I’m acting it out for her. This was the Saigon hotel scene. You think this is bad, wait till I get to the Do Long Bridge scene.”
My favorite closeted hooker is named Cream Abdul Jabbar.
Charlie Sheen gets $2M per psychotic episode.
Charlie Sheen’s actual interior monologue has gotta be way more disturbing than Platoon.
Sheen freaked when the hooker 2 & 1/2 menstruated.
David Carradine thinks Charlie Sheen is a rookie bitch
Sheen’s intervention will be held by Gary Busey, Nick Nolte and Mickey Rourke in the dumpster behind the Venice IHOP.
There goes his Hangover 3 cameo.
Mary Kate Olsen is on standby.
Better than ex-wife screaming in the closet, hooker staying at the same hotel, I can tell you that much.
I think that they may have caught the auto erotic asphyxiation ninjas in action. The girl in the closet was just a really bad ninja.
Charlie Sheen, the patron saint of Columbian Narcos.
When reached for comment Randy Quaid screamed “SEE CLOSET NINJA! SHE’S GODDAMN CLOSET NINJA!” He then proceeded to strip down to a banana hammock and slather himself with Magic Shell while yodeling the theme to Star Trek.
Damn it Nietzche that was my joke
In related news, Jon Crier SCREAMS “in the closet”.
Sorry about that, JessicaD. By the way, I am really Eib, but cant login with that one. Crazy.
People are overreacting about this. I have allergic reactions all of the time to my medication called Booger Sugar and a common side effect is my boyfriend ending up naked in the pantry.
Charlie Sheen’s life is now writing its own Charlie Sheen jokes.
Any word on whether the “Escort” in the closet was actually Neve Campbell?
WHAT?!!! Like YOU wouldn’t try to re-enact Wild Things if you married Denise Richards.
Considering Charlie Sheen was involved, it is somewhat surprising that it wasn’t a screaming closet found inside of a hooker.
BRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHMMMMMMMMMM!
*rollrollcut*
SSSNNNOOOOOOOORRRRRRTTTT!!!
From a PR standpoint this isn’t as bad as the time Charlie tried to do an accent in Young Guns. I heard they altered the script halfway through shooting, killing him off, just so they wouldn’t have to hear it anymore.
Pfft…Tuesdays. Amirite, Charlie?
Sounds like an average episode of Two-and-a-Half Mescaline.