"Stallone kills Liston! Stallone kills Liston!"

"Stallone kills Liston! Stallone kills Liston!"

Before I get to the story in the headline, I’d once again like to point out that if you’re not keeping up with Sylvester Stallone on Twitter, you are seriously missing out.  Of all the characters he’s played, none of them compare to himself.  He’s like the zen prophet of weighlifting, or the meathead Yoda.  Oh God, I love him so much.  A few of my recent favorites:

  • Haters are the new BULLYS ,but now their just Keyboard cowards! In school BullyBusting was my favorite pastime . It’s just the ROCKY in me
  • Does REJECTION mean EJECTION or do you hit the PAUSE button then IF your cool enough press FAST FORWARD and move on? How strong is your EGO?
  • Twitters without personal ” Cheese truths” are boring self serving drivel- So Speak for yourself, not some rent a mouth P R scammer.
  • Did you ever notice every other Planet has a cool name except ours..EARTH rhymes DEARTH! Depressing! We need an optimistic one like, Well??
  • Remember the mind is your best muscle …BIG ARMS can move rocks, but BIG WORDS can move mountains… Ride the brain train for success….

Stallone is like if you shot Jack Handey full of HGH and sincerity, and at the end of each Deep Thought he bench pressed a car. If you can read his Tweets without smiling, you are dead on the inside.  Oh right, the news.  So Stallone and Robert DeNiro (aged 64 and 67) are going to box each other in a movie:

Warners is getting into the ring with Tim Kelleher [a former In Living Color and Arsenio Hall writer], picking up the scribe’s pitch “Grudge Match.” “Grudge,” which seeks to evoke the tone of the 2000 Warners movie “Space Cowboys,” revolves around retired boxers Billy “The Kid” McGuigan and Henry “Razor” Sharp, lifelong bitter rivals who are coaxed out of retirement and into the ring for one final grudge match — 50 years after their last title fight. “Grudge” marks Kelleher’s second foray into feature writing, after the 1996 Sinbad starrer “First Kid.” [THR]

“Grudge Match”?  “GRUDGE MATCH??!!?!??”  HOW IS THIS FILM NOT CALLED “KEEP PUNCHING??”  Everyone in Hollywood is fired.  Seriously, clean out your desks and go home.

Stallone could make a speech so inspiring, The Most Interesting Man in the World would be moved to tears, and then Stallone would beat him to a bloody pulp.

Stallone could make a speech so inspiring The Most Interesting Man in the World would be moved to tears, and then Stallone would beat him to a bloody pulp.