3D Dog demands an immersive experience
Question marks in the headline can mean only one thing: it’s time to prognosticate! Looking for news? Answers? You’ve come to the wrong place, pardner! If we had ‘em, we wouldn’t be askin’! YEEE HAW! Now who wants to get shot in the dark? (*fires pistols in the air*)
Today’s awesomely unsubstantiated rumor comes from Blue Sky Disney, who says that next month, LucasFilm will announce that they’ll be converting the Indiana Jones movies for a theatrical re-release, starting with Raiders of the Lost Ark. The move would mirror the 3D re-release of the Star Wars movies, which are set to hit theaters in 2012. Sounds plausible, right?
So why shouldn’t we believe it? Well, for one thing, the Indiana Jones movies were directed by Steven Spielberg, who, despite his sensible influence being woefully absent on Indiana Jones 4, has in the past been much more reticent to do recuts and rereleases of his movies than the hutt known as George Lucas. For another, Blue Sky Disney is the same site that falsely reported Josh Hutcherson as Spider-Man a few months ago. But go ahead, trust a liar, see if I care.
Nonetheless, if it is true, then clearly the target audience is stupid people. 3D sucks. It’s an excuse to charge more money. To say it’s more realistic is like saying a pop-up book is more realistic than a regular comic book. You want an “immersive experience”? Watch the original on mushrooms. Much cheaper.
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Want an immersive experience? Forget Indiana Jones and watch yourself in the mirror on mushrooms. Can’t. Look. Awaaaay.
This reminds The Mighty Feklahr of a conversation He had the other day:
TMF: Hello, co-worker.
Co-Worker: What the fuck do you want, fatso?
TMF: A more immersive Indiana Jones experience.
CW: Huh?
*The Mighty Feklahr lunges forward and rips the still beating heart out of Co-Worker’s chest!*
TMF: KALI MA!!!
Can’t wait for Spielberg’s 3D re-release of Schindler’s List.
“You’ll literally burn with excitement when you see the ovens up close!”
– Pete Hammond
In 3D you can see just how much of a big swinging dick Harrison Ford was on set in those movies. Immerse yourself in that chest hair ladies.
The only way this is a good idea is if the viewers’ faces actually melt off during the climax.
Reckon I’ll take the brown acid just to make sure…
3d Dog can’t be as big a fan of Karen Allen as I am.
This will make for a lot of bad dates.
3D sucks. It’s an excuse to charge more money
Vince, your attitude is so old-fashioned, it belongs in a museum.
“…directed by Steven Spielberg, who…has in the past been much more reticent to do recuts and rereleases of his movies than the hutt known as George Lucas.”
My bullet-firing walkie-talkie begs to differ.
I would be fine without a re-release of Indiana Jones 4. After Jackass 3D, I’ve reached my limit on 3D swinging monkeys.
To augment the experience of The Last Crusade, I will throw dead seagulls into the crowd when they suddenly remember their Charlemagne.
“Bar’s closed.”
“We are… hehe… not interested.”
I’m used to SW getting screwed up, but Indy?! No!
I still haven’t seen the last one. I’d just end up crying.
When do the Smell-o-vision remakes come out?
I NEED to know what Short Round smells like.
Just to be clear I would immerse the hell out of Karen Allen but Kate Capshaw would have to pay to watch.
I’m looking forward to the 4D Indy releases. The audience gets shot with arrows, and Lucas and Spielberg rummage through the corpses’ pockets.
As long as there’s no Smell-o-Vision Episode IV.
I do not need to know what the Death Star trash compactor smells like.
But Patty, wouldn’t you like to be able to compare the smell of the outside of a taun-taun to the inside in Empire?
But Patty, wouldn’t you like to be able to compare the smell of the outside of a taun-taun to the inside in Empire?
Tie your shoe next to Carrie Fisher.
Oh man. I can’t wait to catch my husband masturbating to 3D Leia and Marion Ravenwood.