There’ve been so many GD Darren Aronofsky stories over the last couple weeks that I could a separate site called What Will Darren Aronofsky Do.com. But now at least it seems like there’s actual news to report, so I’m just going to rush through it as fast as I can. Long story short, it looks like he’s going to direct Wolverine 2 after all:
One of Hollywood’s biggest directing gigs looks done. Darren Aronofsky’s deal to direct 20th Century Fox’s X-Men Origins: Wolverine 2 is close enough that discussion has turned to shooting the sound stage portions of the film in New York so the filmmaker and Hugh Jackman don’t have to inconvenience their families. A March start date is being eyed so that Aronofsky has time to open Black Swan and be available for the inevitable awards season obligations. When the New York scenes are completed, they’ll head to Japan to shoot the bulk of the Christopher McQuarrie-scripted movie. [Deadline]
Notice they said “biggest”, not “best.” How the hell did they get the director of The Wrestler and the writer of Usual Suspects to take Fox’s sloppy seconds? I guess it’s better than getting Brett Ratner, but am I really supposed to be happy about this news? It’s like hiring an Iron Chef to dress my nachos at the Am/Pm. Will these nachos taste better? Yeah, probably, but I think I’d rather just go to his restaurant.
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Aronofsky: Well, the first thing I want to do is find the story line where Wolverine meets the aging stripper with the pierced nipples.
Be nice–the first Wolverine movie was only a fireman party away from being a classic.
Directing a sequel to Wolverine is the artistic equivalent of second position in a human centipede.
/if you count Wolverine as a sequel to X-Men 3, third position.
Hugh Jackman: I’m the best there is at what I do, bub.
Darren Aronofsky: Kicking ass on super villains?
HJ: Not exactly…*tapdances/jazz-hands on to set of “Adamantite Sushi Chef”* I learned a faubulousss recipe for blowfish sushi in Frisco!
DA: …
What Will Darren Aronofsky Do
rachel weisz… over and over and over again
More like Huge JackedMan, amiright?
*swoon*
Coincidentally, IRON CHEF: BATTLE AM/PM NACHOS is the highest rated episode in the history of the franchise.
Little does Fox know they are staring at The Fountain 2. He’ll probably take that big sweaty wad of cash and put bald Wolverine into the lotus position for eight minutes.
Needs moar shitty CGI adamantium clawz. Kthanksbye
I’m hungry . . . Aronofsky should have the Iron Chef make me some pi.
Dude’s gonna get paid for once. I’ll go see it just to support Aronofsky actually getting a legit hollywood paycheck…and Hugh’s veiny throbbing arms.
Ah yes … The Fountain. Finally a film that takes dendrophilia seriously.
Darren Aronofsky directing Wolverine 2 is like Cormac McCarthy writing the next Twilight book.
Arronofski’s major contribution to the script: An addition of a new mutant named “Over-rated”. His powers include making fanboys drool and banging a hot british chick with no visible charm and below avarage jewy looks.
That’s Aronofsky, dumbass.
Oops, sorry.
Aronofsky plans to use Wolverine’s Bone Claws and throw in BelleRina, a new mutant who grows crow feathers to tie in. The two will fall in love and have beautiful crowverine children. After a few years, however, the added weight of children will send BelleRina into a dark cycle of painkillers and depression, too heavy to fly and her husband too drunken and immortal to waste the equivalent of a few days on her. Wolverine watches BelleRina die, their crowverine children huddled around, quietly sobbing. Wolverine’s emotions begin to crumble, at yet another life wasted at his expense. His cries start slowly at first, but contine to escalate…
“Bub….Bubbub….BUBUBUBUBUBUBUB…….. BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU”