Dammit, Paul Hogan, this constant one-upping has to stop.
Yep, this should be a movie. That’s the tenuous link to movies I’m using. Deal with it. God help you if you complain about me reporting the story of A CROCODILE THAT KILLED 19 PEOPLE ON A PLANE. It’s quite possibly the most metal thing ever to have happened. It didn’t happen in Florida, so that pretty much leaves Africa.
A STOWAWAY crocodile on a flight escaped from its carrier bag and sparked an onboard stampede that caused the flight to crash, killing 19 passengers and crew.
The croc had been hidden in a passenger’s sports bag – allegedly with plans to sell it – but it tore loose and ran amok, sparking panic.
A stampede of terrified passengers caused the small aircraft to lose balance and tip over in mid-air during an internal flight in the Democratic Republic of Congo.
The unbalanced load caused the aircraft, on a routine flight from the capital, Kinshasa, to the regional airport at Bandundu, to go into a spin and crash into a house.
A lone survivor from the Let 410 plane told the astonishing tale to investigators.
A crocodile in a sports bag. Yep, that’s pretty much how I imagine Africa. BUT WAIT, IT GETS BETTER!
Ironically the crocodile also survived the crash but was later killed with a machete by rescuers sifting through the wreckage. [news.com.au -thanks to "EnglishPrick" for the tip]
To add further irony, my sources say the rescuer just happened to be carrying the machete in a sports bag, as he planned to sell it later that day. Man, I hope African Alanis Morissette writes a song about this. “It’s like AAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDS, on your wedd-ing daaaay….”
“He packed his suuuuuuuitcase, with a crocodie yayile…”
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5 of the deaths were attributed to children being smuggled in duffel bags
relax people, this is just how Michael Bay tests out his ideas
White Human Gorillas and now this? fuck the Congo.
When asked to comment about surviving the horrific accident, Bruce Willis said “Please leave me the fuck alone.”
same thing happened in Korea, only instead of a crocodile it was a fan inside a duffel bag
I hear they’re pulling the crocodile scenes from the Hangover 2 now.
And by the way, I see no issues with ‘Should be a movie’ segments…
African Alanis Morissette goes down on you in a drumming circle.
And I’m heeeeeere, to remind you, of the croc-o-dile that you sold to me….
African Alanis Morissette has one hand in her pocket. It’s an albino’s hand — powerful medicine.
Would he take down your plane in a tundra?
Strangely enough, African Alanis Morissette also has a song about dating Dave Coulier. He’s still huge there.
” . . . the crocodile also survived the crash but was later killed with a machete . . . ”
Pretty metal, I agree.
” . . . the crocodile also survived the crash but was later killed by Machete star Danny Trejo, with a machete . . . ”
More metal.
African Alanis Morissette thanks you India, thanks you terror, for taking her mind off the hell that is the Con-on-g0o0.
This is why you should always let the skycap check your crocodile. It’s totally worth the extra $5.
African Alanis Morissette would go down on you in a theater, but the clacking of the plates disturbs the other viewers.
African Alanis Morissette goes naked on stage at award ceremonies because that’s how she was raised.
Sam Jackson: that’s it! I’ve had it! I don’t wanna see no motherfucking crocodiles in no motherfucking while!
Holy crap this is the feel good crocodile eats 19 people story of the year!
Only time crocs have been more damaging were on Favre’s feet.
Didn’t TOTO write a song about this too?
I crash the plaaaaanes down in aaaafricaaa!!!
To be fair, the only reason this crash was investigated is because it’s the furthest any Congo flight has ever made it before.
African Alanis Morissette is always too hot, never too cold, too hot to hold (but it’s the dengue fever)
African Alanis Morissette also appeared on a show called You Can’t Do That On Television, but rather than sketch comedy, it was more about sketch military coups/mass rape.
Fuckin’ end the italics where you feel like, HTML. I don’t give a fuck.
African Alanis Morissette doesn’t understand terms like ‘ironic’ or ‘potable’.
African Alanis Morissette tells the villagers that swallowing this jagged little pill will make the AIDS go away.
African Alanis Morissette turned down Morgan Freeman’s role in Evan Almighty because she heard a Dogma sequel was in the works.
African Alanis Morissette goes to the theater with African Ryan Reynolds to yell at the screen during Normal Ryan Reynolds movies.
African Alanis Morissette fell head over feet when she stumbled into a mass grave of AIDS victims.
Authorities asked African Alanis how the passengers died and she replied, “You already spun them over, inside the B, and they were alarmed, slammed head over feet.”
FUCK YOU MORTON SALT!
Just kidding, tonSal. You’re my best friend. Best friend with benefits.
I’ve flown Air Congo and no way did they get 19 people and a crocodile on a Pterodactyl.
African Alanis Morissette thinks it’s not fair to deny her of the cross she bears that Jesuit Missionaries gave to her.
<A HREF="[www.youtube.com] Alanis Danceparty WHEEEE
Fuck Morty and his HTML jinxery.
I heard that African Alanis Morisette once swallowed so much U.N. rice backstage that she had to have her stomach pumped.
Seriously, HTML is fucked up today.
A lone survivor from the Let 410 plane told the astonishing tale to investigators.
I assume they hung the dead crocodile around his neck first.
Unless they have hockey in the DRoC that ‘sports bag’ couldn’t have held a crocodile of any consequence.
Large lizard on a plane kills 19? Baby crocodile?
Another reason weapons should be allowed on planes.
Not metal? The crocodile. That’s how it got through security.
African Alanis Morisette knows that Mr. Play It Safe is afraid to fly because would you get on a plane in the fucking Congo?
“I’m not a bigot. But when I get on the plane, I got to tell you, if I see crocodiles are in crocodiles garb and I think, you know, they are identifying themselves first and foremost as crocodiles, I get worried. I get nervous.”
–African Juan Williams
Crocodial M for Murder.
The wreckage showed the plane was carrying 10,000 spoons but nobody had a single goddamn knife.
Fucking irony, maaan.
Frickin’ Al Qaeda gets shiftier and shiftier. I blame that got-damned Obama. He was born in the Congo anyway.
So how much money are we sending to these countries again…?
$100000 in airline maintenance, $10000000 in crocodile derrents
Maybe we should send them $14 to educate one of these dumb-shits in the white man’s way of ‘common sense’.