Noooooooooo!
We haven’t talked about him in a while, but to refresh your memory, Uwe Boll is the angry German film director who not too long ago inspired an online petition to stop him from making movies. While I thought it was kind of mean for people to pile on like that (though my offer to fight him still stands), it’s certainly true that Uwe Boll’s movies do suck. That’s why I’m excited to see him tackle the subject of the Holocaust in his new film, Auschwitz, which promises to be the most awesomely tasteless thing since something something Mel Gibson.
The teaser is after the jump, and it features, yes, Uwe Boll himself playing an SS officer standing guard outside a room as Jews are gassed and their bodies fed into an oven (had you heard? they did the gassing and the burning in the same room). It sort of reminds me of something something party at Mel Gibson’s house.
“It’s in the tradition of my movies Stoic, Darfur, Rampage, Tunnelrats, Heart of America…it shows Auschwitz as this what it was: a meatplant for humans…a death factory.” [Twitch]
Well sure, who could forget those movies that I’ve never heard of? Wait, wait, something’s coming back to me… Oh right, Darfur. That was the one starring Billy Zane with the typo in the trailer, right? I remember now. Anyway, my favorite part of the teaser is the “NEVER FORGET” title card, as if with the 200 holocaust movies that come out every year it was about to slip our minds until the dude from Bloodrayne came along. I mean, come on! That SS guard didn’t even look dyslexic. Where is the art?!
(NSFW for brief, dying Jew nudity)
This is going to make Springtime for Hitler look like Springtime for Puppies.
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Was totally commenting about Gemma Arterton’s ass and then Uwe Boll sticks his dick in the mashed potatoes*.
*using Samwise pronunciation*
In the Seltzer/Friedberg parody of this movie, the Jews will stomp out “We will rock you!” at some point.
The holocaust is now the second worst thing to happen to Jews.
Did I miss something? What gives Uwe Boll the right to make a movie like this? Since when was the Holocaust a video game?
Your move, Ratner.
Oy vey.
Yes, yes…but how many republic credits for the hyperdrive?
*Begins reading post, starts anticipating crude comments to make.
Starts trailer…”Tits or GTFO”…Dammit, tits.
Keeps watching…”I’d rather have my dental work pulled out than see this pile of”…Dammit, Boll!
Keeps watching…”Looks more like a Grill & Bar Mitzvah”…Dammit, that last shot of the kid is too much for that one.
Thinks about it for a moment*
If there’s singing, would that make this a soap opera?
Upon hearing this, Ratner immediately told his agent he wants to do a genocide-inspired musical sequel to the Oscar-winning Nicole Kidman pic from 2001.
Coming Summer 2011, Khmer Rouge.
Did that dirty Kraut ever take you up on your challenge of
modeling women’s lingeriefisticuffs?I will assume your typo, “until the dude from Bloodrayne came ‘alone’,” was for dramatic effect.
In some of the death camps there are scratches on the walls of the showers where they gassed people from them trying to claw their way free. I imagine the walls of the theater will look the same wherever this is playing.
“Each ticket to this movie is made from human skin. Authentikiity I call it.” – Uwe Boll
My dryer makes that noise. Does this mean it has Jews in it?
I defer completely to Norman G. Finkelstein on this matter.
(*Mossad kicks in my door and tackles me to the ground, while I kick in my skin-tight leggings and scream like Will Ferrell*)
Uwe Boll?
Obviouslly you’re not a golfer.
wait, no…um
/opens bag(ball falls out)
Oh, Uwe Boll?
no, wait…damn it! I know there is a joke there somewhere. Piss on rug, piss on rug!!!