"You see that framed poster that says 'Gordon', kid? Talked him down to half price. That's why I'm the king."
You might imagine a film with a subtitle as cheesily nonsensical as “money never sleeps” to be pretty crappy, and you’d be right. Oh how right you would be, if you had indeed imagined such a thing. The only saving grace of the film was that between the financial jargon awkwardly crowbarred into “stock Hollywood drama scene part 7b”, there was some of the finest unintentional comedy on which money could be wasted. The best part of it was that during every awful moment, you could almost see a coked-up screenwriter pumping his fist, saying to himself, “YES! THIS IS THE BEST THING I HAVE EVER COME UP WITH!”
So here they are, the 10 most awesomely terrible lines of dialog that I could remember.
10. “He can’t just take his ball and go home. …He has to piss on the whole game first.”[If he would've just said 'balls', this visual would be changed FOREVER. Game changer.]
9. “Arguing with your father is like arguing with small pox.” [So... one-sided? Beset by dead Indians?]
8. “Mr. Gekko? I was hoping you could answer a question I had. What is a ‘moral hazard?’” [hmm, instead of Gordon Gekko's book, might I suggest a dictionary containing the words 'moral' and 'hazard?']
7. “He had an ego the size of Antarctica… and so did I.” [Gravelly! Gravitas! ...Gravellytas!]
6. “California? California is over. California has made more mistakes than Yogi Berra reciting Shakespeare.” [Oooohhh snap! Suck it, Berra!]
5. “He’s a monkey dancing on a razor blade.” [Is this racist? A drug reference? I'm as confused as a hermaphrodite in a daisy chain.]
4. “You look for birds… (*whistle*)…you’re gonna find birds.” [You'll have to take my word for it when I say there was no more context for this in the movie than there is here.]
3. “Laser Fusion: The Future of the Sun’s Power and the Power of My Son’s Future.” [This was technically not dialog, but the title of one of Gordon Gekko's daughter's blog posts on "FrozenTruth.com". Yes, laser fusion. That just happened.]
2. “…It’s gone viral.” [Stocks! Blogs! World Wide Web! Waiter, fetch me an infographic!]
1. “I know it sounds like Star Wars, love, but… this could be your chance to be Captain America!” [My personal favorite.]
Easily the most idiotic film of the year. LASER FUSION! Feel free to supply your own in the comments.
Honorable mention: “This guy walks between the rain drops.” Yes, they managed to accidentally reference the Chris Klein Street Fighter.
[I also wrote a full review, in case you're interested]
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Mr. Fusion: The future of my car’s power and the power of my tree getting out of here.
“You gotta go for the throat, like a cancer, until he can’t talk anymore.”
“If you don’t understand what outstanding shares are, then I suggest you fuck a baby!”
Gravellytas? Isn’t that the new muppet on Sesame Street voiced by Harvey Fierstein?
All of the nonsense metaphors make me think of Bruce Dickinson.
NEVER QUESTION BRUCE DICKINSON.
Laser Fusion sounds like a title of a lecture given by someone named Dr. Mallory Scientist (played by Audrina Patridge, wearing a labcoat and glasses) at an event called Physicsfest, in a straight-to-DVD action movie starring Chris Klein (as Special Agent Dean Rockledge, Alpha division).
In conclusion, I would watch that movie.
“The supremacy of the proletariat will cause us to vanish still faster. United action of the leading civilized countries, at least, is one of the first conditions for the emancipation of the proleta…. wait, what the hell am I talking about? Fuck Marx!”
@Dingus – you’re (almost) quoting Marx, but something tells me you don’t quite understand the ol’ Mani. “The supremacy of the proletariat will cause THEM [not 'us'] to vanish still faster.” And “them” refers to “national differences and antagonism”.
I still liked these movie, though it was retrogressive and not-too-insightful compared to the first Wall Street (presumably subtitled, “Money Summers in the Hamptons”).
BUT two things: (1) can someone please tell me what the hell the old guy was talking about with the birds? I just watched this movie again and I still have no idea; (2) why the hell would the CEO trade on his own account if he knew they were going to short it so hard? Did he really think he’d get away with it? And why the fugg would he tell LePoof?!
“Son, the stock market is like a flock of birds. Those on the outside do all the flapping, and those on the inside just catch their updraft, while we shit on the heads of the tourists at the pier”.
“Arguing with your father is like arguing with your brother.”
/Alabama’d
Guys save me $4 and tell me if charlie sheen makes a cameo in this or not
yes it does, and it sucks
Bah, these are little more than Ferengi “Rules of Acquisition” on crack:
“A wise man can hear profit whilst breaking the wind.”
“The bigger the smile, the sharper the uvula.”
“Dignity and an empty ballsack is worth the ballsack.”
LASER FUSION: Gillette has hired mad scientists to finally put an end to this bullshit with Schick.
Bex, simply ask yourself this question: “Would Entourage have a Charlie Sheen cameo?”
(Yes.)
[Hoses down Scrooge McDuck with Dip, jumps in that little Jew's money vault]
Laser Fusion was the worst Radiohead album, evar!
this move would’ve been so much better if it focused on charlie sheens character instead and Gecko moves in with him after he’s out of prison and Geckos fat retarded son comes along to live with them, the rest as they say, writes itself
“You can be a raptor, or a finch, but either way you have to shit.”
Hey baby, is it just me, or are you a dyke-haired midget ginger who’s at best a seven when I’m drunk? How the fuck are you in this movie again?
“…It’s gone viral.”
My mother-in-law still doesn’t understand that this doesn’t mean your computer will be corrupted by hackers if you watch the video of the sneezing panda.
So Vinky, does this count as a full review?
Also,
Is anybody else shedding tears at what has happened to Vic Macky? I mean, playing that refried bean looking fuck in that superhero movie piece of shit was bad enough, but some twee network super family show.
I’ll write a full review later. I’m giving you dessert first.
“You can hand me a dollar and I can turn it into a thousand. You can hand me a thousand and I can lose $999 of them, because that’s the market, and I’m a dickweed.”
Cool, just wondering how bad this POS really is because from the ads I was fairly certain it was ‘Fek’s can after burrito night’ bad.
GGgggrrr… extreme motorcycling in the Adirondacks! Yeargh, extreme trading! I think Oliver was a pussy for not getting some parkour in this turd.
“Win, lose, or draw, it’s what you do to the other guy that goes into the spank bank.”
“I have been on top, and I have been in the abyss, but I have always kept my pants.”
Hey kid, if happiness is the state of being happy, then what’s the state of being a snow pea?
“Snow peaness?”
yes it is, just look *whips out dick*
“Before I put Hitler into context for you, know that if it wasn’t for him, my family would still be peasants living in some shtetl in Poland, without a thousand dollar bill to our name”.
And the best one was left out:
“I like mirror, i wrote scarface, go fuck yourself!”
Listen to me yuh little shit – when you get your ass raped by twenty black cocks for over a decade then you can come up with the snappy one liners! Now wash my balls or else I’ll show you a real oral hazard!
Scarier even than the smell of Oliver Stone is the fact that I don’t know whether some of these comments are actual lines from the movie.
As opposed to lines Stone did while writing the script.
Jake: So when do we Jews get to set the final phase of our Zionist plot for world domination in motion?
Gekko: As soon as we have stolen all of the inferior gentiles money and destroyed their economies. But please, do not speak of the Zionist plot where others may hear.
Stone: Cut! I told you greedy fuckers to rub your hands together and snarl when you deliver your lines! And hunch your backs more.
I may be missng the point about these laser fusion jokes, but its a real thing.
[mobile.nytimes.com]
“Kid, the way the highest tranche of a CDO–wait, hang on, I think we just ran over Sharon Stone.” *looks in rearview* “Yep, we did. Get the shovel out of the trunk.”
@chadfart
That article must be some kind of a sick joke. We all know there is no such thing as an Italian scientist. Next thing I know you’ll be telling me there are black doctors and Irish philosophers…
Several weeks later:
Gekko: “Bud Fox used to tell me, and this is the only goddamn thing I learned from him, that you never pay more than a $1000 an hour for a hooker.”
*points to crotch*
“That’s what I like to call fundamental valuation!”
*Jake laughs*
*Gekko laughs*
Gekko: “I haven’t had an erection since we ran over Sharon Stone.”
This is like Mad Libs…
Gekko: You can’t make Pineapples without breaking a few Spider-Man.
“This movie exists”