Rasta Cat would like to sit in for this session

It’s the middle of the week, and you’re probably in the midst of another soul-killing day at work.  This may not be “news,” per se, but you know what you could use?  Hearing Steven Seagal sing “me want the poonani” in a Jamaican accent.  What’s that, you say?  Steven Seagal sings “Me want the poonani?”  That’s right, my friends, those exact words.  Steven Seagal sings the words “me want the poonani.”  Over and over and over. Patois was never the same.

Oh thank you, lord of the internet, for thy bounty we are about to enjoy…

These are the actual lyrics:

Girl what you really want all night
Me want the body, make me feel nice
Boy what you really want all night
Me want the poonani, see for make nice
She want the body
Him want the poonani
And me know it nice

When the girls start to strut
you could look at her but you shouldn’t do that
Think about just that because her clothes are just as pretty
They’re not just to cover her kitty [!!!!!]

Girl what you really want all night
Me want the body, make me feel nice
Boy what you really want all night
Me want the poonani, see for make nice
Baby the way you waik is so hot
Let’s have a shot of rum
Then I can make you come with me
To the ocean
That would be phat
You can be my bow cat
Nice ital breeze
Bring you to your knees
We’re jammin

This is the song “Strut”, from Seagal’s album, Songs From the Crystal Cave, the precursor to his latest album, Mojo Priest.  But of course you already knew that.  And just in case you managed to keep your lunch down that whole time, I learned something new today.  I learned what a “bow cat” was:

Bow- to perform oral sex; mostly on a woman.
Cat- Female genitals. Mi nuh like fi bowcat. (I don’t like to perform oral sex).

So you see, when Mr. Unique Physiological Reaction to Arousal said “you can be my bow cat”, what he really meant was, “you can be my oral sex on a woman.”  I wonder what it means?  This song is so rich in subtext.

Also, internet: can we please get a mashup of Steven Seagal and Brian Pumper?

Me want the poonani, see for make nice.
Oh and it’s shaved.
That would be phat.
Let me lick it from the back,
You can be my bow cat.
With ya back arched.
Let’s have a shot of rum, Then I can make you come
Let me get that monkey fufu wet and make it fart.

Poetry.