People always wonder why I 
self-promoting. TOLDJA TOLDJA TOLDJA!
LOS ANGELES – September 1, 2010: Mail.com Media Corporation’s Jay Penske and Deadline.com’s Nikki Finke today announced the hiring of Pete Hammond, the well-known Los Angeles Times/The Envelope’s “Notes On A Season” blog columnist and former Variety contributor who is widely considered the preeminent awards season commentator for film and television. Effective immediately, he becomes the Deadline.com Awards Columnist. It is Deadline’s intention to own the awards space, helped by Pete’s unique understanding of the behind-the-scenes of this very specialized process when the entertainment industry is fixated on grabbing the gold [that sounds like a Pete Hammond sentence].
Said Finke, Deadline’s General Manager and Editor-in-Chief: “I realized that if Deadline Hollywood was going to offer expanded awards season coverage, we had to find someone of Mike’s, Nellie’s, and Tim’s caliber. Pete Hammond is a very well-established brand in this arena, and he’s among the most knowledgeable and insightful people on film and television I’ve ever encountered. If awards season is Hollywood’s Super Bowl, then Pete is the quarterback calling many of the plays.”
Oh man, I can’t wait for all the insight he’s going to drop on us, with biting analysis like “look for this 2nd visit to Marvel’s latest cash cow to top the original, not only for ratcheted up action, excitement and pure movie fun but also at the box office and beyond,” “The Expendables literally explodes off the screen and into my butt!” and “I would literally murder a vagrant if Sandra Bullock told me to!”
Hike it to quarterback Pete! “Hut one! Hut two! Get me a thesaurus, I need another word for ‘excited’!” As long as this keeps him from writing movie reviews.
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Pete Hammond wouldn’t complain about a blow job from a shark.
[Jumps out of bush outside your mom's window with a tub of Cool Whip that has been...well, destroyed]
The best merger of the year! A pitch perfect grand slam! -AICN
Lince, do you know what else will keep Pete HaDiBah from writing reviews?
*motions to “Red Matter Enema Weapon” in photon torpedo bay*
I got really, really angry the more I read that block quote. Angry that since I put on weight, I can’t autofellate anymore.
“…Mike’s, Nellie’s, and Tim’s caliber…”
Mike and Nellie’s caliber is about 50mm, Tim, he’s normal but that’s because he’s always the caboose of the daisy chain.
If awards season is Hollywood’s Super Bowl, then Pete is the quarterback calling many of the plays.”
If that analogy is the weekend boxoffice top ten, then Deadline.com is coming in last in the Nielsen ratings.
Pete has unique understanding of the craft services table.
Hey, Lights Camera Jackson, take a peek you pussy….THIS is your furture.
TOLDJA!
I literally want to punch him. Literally.
I do like Nellie’s reviews: “I was like, good gracious Eat Pray Love was bodacious, mommy E-I-E-I uh ohhhhhhhhhhh.”
There’s apparently no love for us St. Louis rappers around here, Nelly.
The Mighty Feklahr would buy a MMA PPV that featured a catchweight bout with Lince and Pete Hammond. The “snap, tap, or cum” action will literally be exploding on Hammond’s face!
Stay tuned in the near future for news of Armond White getting hired by Hipster Jerk Circle Bi-Quarterly
Oooh, now I get it, Burnsy.
Whoa, Nelly…
He’s literally the shittiest shill in the universe. I am literally going to hate his face off. One time I read a book and I literally hate Pete Hammond. I am going to write a screenplay depicting Pete Hammond as an upper-middle class douchebag who overcomes adversity no he literally doesn’t.
This hiring literally chaps Vince’s ass. Literally! Which is loads of fun for the whole family. Deadline.com has done it again. Two thumbs way up!
I literally exploded all over my screen. That dismissive wanking was fucking incredible! Best action I’ve gotten in days!
*wipes up, gets depressed, shoots self in the temple*
I literally want to throw battery acid in Hammond’s face……Literally.