Mark Wahlberg is: The Bawxah
09.16.10Here’s the first trailer for David O. Russell’s The Fighter (HD version at Apple). It’s quite a departure from David O. Russell’s usual twee-ish comedies I Heart Huckabees and Flirting with Disaster (and to a lesser extent Three Kings). It stars workout video king Mark Wahlberg as boxer Micky Ward and Christian Bale as Ward’s ne’er-do-well half brother, Dicky Ecklund.
Ward was originally slated to be played by Matt Damon, and Ecklund by Brad Pitt, but as this belly shirt I’m wearing says, sh*t happens. Moving on, 1:28. That’s how far into the trailer I was before I realized the skinny weirdo with the greasy hair and bald spot was Christian Bale. How the hell does he do that?
Anyway, Mahky Mahk is a bawxah, but really he’s just a hahd workah. A blue collah guy who’s gawt one last shawt at the big time. Christian Bale plays his knucklehead brothah — “I’m ya trainah, Micky, can’t ya see that, ya fackin’ hahd on?” And he’s all like, “Micky, you ah sittin’ on a winnin’ lawttery ticket heah, an’ youah too much of a pussy ta cash it in! I’d do anything to have what you’s gawt, you queah! Now go out theah and bawx like ya queah haht depends on it, like Welkah lined up in the slawt. “ And then Marky Mark meets Amy Adams and he’s all like, “Hey, ya like apples? How ya like these apples? My fathah picked ‘em in prison. He don’t get out much. I’m about ta leave this whole town in my reahview. I betcha been readin’ a lawt a that Gahdon S. Wood, that queah.” And she’s all like, “Aw, Micky, you ah so retahded.” “You ah.” “GO SAWX.” (*they kiss*) Fin.


Goo Socks? I got plenty of those lying around.
While my brain appreciates Bale’s dedication to his craft, my lady business really doesn’t.
“I’m the one fighting, nawt you, nawt you and nawt you”
“OHHH GOOOOOOOOOOOOOD FOR YOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUU”
“I’m about ta leave this huge fackin’ prawsthetic cawk in my reahview.” — Boston Dirk Diggler
Mahky Mahk is a good fellah – I genuinely like him most of the time, but this oscar pandering BS shouldn’t work for him. The dude is not a good actor.
Yikes, Amy Adams looks tougher than the both of them.
How the hellwhy the hell would they do that?Just once, instead of watching a poor guy scratch his way to the top, I’d like to see a wealthy guy’s entire life fall apart.
If they don’t stop peddling this American Dream crap stupid people are going to keep breeding.
This movie was better when he had a Philly accent and was covering punts.
Does he get to be an Eagle?
Sooo Christian Bale is the Funky Bunch?
Prison seems like the better place to trade blows with a man.
It seems that Christian Bale is acting while everyone else is just in the movie.
Best line: He’s a fighta, break his hand!
I was going to say I’d do unspeakable things to Amy Adams, but it looks like her agent beat me to it.
I agree that this looks like Boogie Fights.
He’s a poh-on stah, break his cawk! -Officer John C. Reilly
I hope Bale’s character is ruining his brother’s street cred by training with The New Boxers on the Block.
[Boxer furiously pounds a heavy bag. He stops and moves on to some speedwork as Crappy unzips the bag and emerges]
Marky’s trainer doesn’t put Vaseline on his cuts with a Q Tip, but with his dick tip.
I like to picture Marky Mark in a trendy, upscale restaurant.
Marky Mark: Hay, waitah! Thah’s some cawk in my wine! I know it ain’t none ah my backwash neithah. It’s cawk. I know it’s cawk cawz I can taste it. And believe me, I know the taste of cawk.
Waiter: I’m sorry, sir. We’ll bring you a new bottle of wine that doesn’t have bits of cork in it.
Marky Mark: Yeah, you bettah be glad it wasn’t an entire length of fat cawk, cawz I wouldah spit it out in ya fackin’ face!
Christian B. on the backup, cape-free, so put the *THWACK* up.
I liked this better when it was every other boxing movie ever made.
Hey Vince, you shouldn’t make a Wahlburg post without linking to his workout video. That shit was so douchey, after watching it you have to bathe to get the odor of vinegar water off of you.
*Whew* Glad they ddn’t break Christian Bale’s hand before they sent him to jail . . . jacking it lefty is a nice change of pace once in a while, but not all the time. At least, that’s what I’ve heard.
All I ever want to know about Dicky was on HBO a while back:
[www.dailymotion.com]
Dicky don’t look for trouble. Trouble finds Dicky.
“Aw, Micky, you ah so retahded.” “You ah.”
Good Job Vince, you got the best out of a Jimmy Fallon SNL sketch and weeded out the awkward laughing
Christ, Bale used to be an alright actor. Now he just chews the fuck out of the scenery; he’s like a dramatic Jim Carrey.
Do I even have to guess that Bale’s gonna die at the end be the final Push that Marky “Permanent Scowl” Wahlberg needs to redeem himself in the ring?