Don’t worry, I’m still doing a normal Weekend Preview post. I just thought we could also enjoy Machete’s Lindsay Lohan butchering the English language. Unless… is leprosy an STD? (thanks to Dan M for the tip)
OPENING THIS WEEKEND (trailers after the jump)
The Movie: Machete, what happens when people stop being polite, and start f*cking with the wrong Mexican.
The Buzz: Most people seemed to like it more than I did, and I admit, aside from Grindhouse/Planet Terror, I was never much of a Robert Rodriguez fan. There’s lots to love (just like your mom’s AdultFriendfinder profile), I just wish it was better. And I wholly support putting Danny Trejo in every movie possible. Actual exchange during a Danny Trejo radio interview: FILMDRUNK COMMENTER PAULY: “You’re like the Mexican Chuck Norris.” DANNY TREJO: “Chále, Chuck Norris dresses like me for Halloween.”
The Movie: Going the Distance, a long-distance relationship comedy starring Justin Long and Drew Barrymore
The Buzz: Despite the fatal flaw of having Drew Barrymore play the lead in a rom-com, it’s actually gotten good reviews out of a couple people I respect, and has It’s Always Sunny’s Charlie Day, comedian Jim Gaffigan, and Rob Riggle in supporting roles (not to mention Jason Sudeikis and Ron Livingston). I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s decent, but when someone says “starring Drew Barrymore!” all I hear is “step inside for a painful anal probe!
The Movie: The American, George Clooney plays an aging hitman who thinks he’s beyond redemption when on his last job, a mysterious stranger changes everything because we’ve never seen that before.
The Buzz: (*snoooooore*) Wha? What happened? Put it back on, I was just resting my eyes.
Notable Limited Releases:
A Woman, A Gun, And a Noodle Shop: Hero director Zhang Yimou’s remake of the Coen Brothers Blood Simple opens today in New York and LA. Little known fact: 50 Cent once had a song about “taking you to the noodle shop” the he wisely left on the cutting room floor.
Louis CK: Hilarious: Documentary on comedian Louis CK featuring mostly footage of his stand up is now playing in Austin, Boston, San Francisco, Chicago, LA, New York, Philadelphia, and DC. I wouldn’t want more of the guy who famously wrote, “I want to rub my father’s c*ck all over Sarah Palin’s fat t*ts.” I love that man.
The American
Going the Distance
Machete
A Woman, a Gun, and a Noodle Shop
Louis CK introduces Hilarious at Sundance
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Lindsay Lohan is “literally” falling apart.
Dibs on her left breast. And her right knee. Don’t ask.
Lindsay Lohan should literally fall apart like the Black Dahlia.
I would literally hump Lohan and then boast about it at the vd clinic.
Since when is being brutally hacked apart by a batleth (that has cheetoes orange fingerprints all over it) considered “falling apart”???
The Mighty Feklahr is sure Darth Maul holds the monopoly on LITERALLY “falling apart”.
I would literally not fuck Lindsay Lohan with Jirish’s dick. Maybe with Tiger’ish’s (too many apostrophes?)
Gabourey Sidibe is figuratively falling apart.
You know, Lindsay is using that word correctly if she’s referring to her legs.
File that headline under “We would have said no shit if it was still 2007″ Now, it’s like “Wait, what hasn’t fallen off yet?”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ly1UTgiBXM
I’m sure everyone has seen this, because its on the internet and it’s David Cross, but in case you haven’t…
I dunno what frightens me more, the thought of Lindsay Lohan talking or the headline “Inside Sarah Palin!”
To recycle an old joke, Lindsay Lohan’s mouth is like Sarah Palin’s vagina, at least half the things that come out of it are retarded.
The Mighty Feklahr is sure Darth Maul holds the monopoly on LITERALLY “falling apart”.
I see your Maul and raise you the un-named redshirt at the beginning of Cube.
I absolutely thought of a leprosy joke when I took the picture and it then slipped my mind. This is why I’m still an amateur.
P.S. for putting this illiterate sapphic pigfucking junkie in a glamorous pose on your cover, I wish you dry nonconsensual backdoor love, Vanity Fair.
@Fek
I’m pretty sure Pete Hammond holds the monopoly on “literally”…
Lohan is the new black…