Considering there’s been a shot of Kevin James looking like a regular Tommy Tapout at just about every UFC event in recent memory, it’s not surprising that he’s doing an MMA-themed movie. The film doesn’t yet have a title yet, but might I suggest “Round and Pound?” Ouch. It hurt me on the inside to type that. (*sprawl and bawl*). Wait, he also plays a teacher? “The Dean of Mean”, maybe? (*hangs self with Nick Ring’s loose knee ligamenttth*)
Catch me in a rear-naked sadness bar, Deadline:
The script will be written by Allan Loeb (21, The Switch, Just Go With It, the Al Qaeda tapes*) and Kevin is producing with Todd Garner.
James is attached to play a physics teacher whose school faces drastic cutbacks. In an attempt to save his best friend’s job and the music program his students love, he moonlights in the octagon as a mixed martial arts fighter, ultimately leading to brawling in the UFC. [Deadline]
MMA saves the rec center… AGAIN! How long did it take to come up with this concept? Five, six minutes? Look, I don’t expect you to have seen an Allan Loeb movie or be a die-hard MMA fan like me, but having suffered through both 21 and The Switch and heard the pitches for Loeb’s next few movies, believe me when I say that Allan Loeb and Kevin James teaming up for an MMA movie is like being in the middle of a nice dinner when a hobo comes in and de-lices his ball hair with my fork. If there isn’t a scene where Kevin James cries because the schoolkids hide his pie while he’s cutting weight, I will drink Lyoto Machida’s pee**.
"Word up, I'm sponsored by Kangol and ho-hos"
*I suspect
**I’m kidding. (Just in case Kevin James’ friend Rampage sees this and decides to take me up on the offer)
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KJ is good friends with Bas Rutten ::Smack his face:: ::smack his face::
The name of it should be “Cutting Weight”
Winner by arm hershey bar
He’s actually a nice guy, chatted with him at Studio 54 at a fight afterparty, he does sweat like Roy Nelson repeatedly trying to perfectly puncture a Capri Sun. Most annoying person I sat near at a UFC event: Diego Sanchez’s dirty sister
OmoplataOmelette Platter.Hey, Hollywood asshats, I, too am and unfunny person,why cant I have lots of money? Please?
It’s “de-louses“. Trust me.
I’ll bet he’s not a striker. Kevin James looks like he wrestles
with type II diabetes.Kevin James only fights in the hotdogagon.
In K-Jam’s case, I’m pretty sure it’s “de-louts“.
It’s like Scott Pilgrim, except instead of ex-boyfriends James must fight Roy Nelson’s chins.
K-Jam is demonstrative of why I’m not a big fan of American comedy. In order to make fun of other people and remain socially acceptable, you must possess some kind of obvious deficiency. You either have to be obese, Jewish, black, gay, Dane Cook, or have an English accent to not come off sounding like a complete asshole when trashing other people. I prefer the German style of humor, in which you can look like Zack Morris from Saved by the Bell and make fun of crippled children.
“I saw zee cripple child valking down zee street, no?” (*uproarious laughter*)
James has studied with Lothario Gracie whose controversial ‘tap, snap, or cum’ submission techniques are featured prominently in the film.
Kevin James looks greasier than Nate Marquardt’s leg.
@Kevin, close, he’s actually using a modified version he’s calling
“snap, crackle or pop”“Snack, sip, or crumb”“snap, tap or yum”.James’ best submission move is grabbing an arm, then lying on top of his opponent and smothering him. He calls it a “snack bar”.
His signature move is the gound and pound cake.
*ground
Well, I fucked that up.