I’m gonna go ahead and refer to Tom Green’s video from the Gathering of the Juggalos as a “short film” so that I can share it with you people, because it deserves to be shared. The Juggalo is every bit as strange and fascinating as you would imagine. I actually planned on going to this and covering it this year, but I was afraid I’d misquote a Shaggy 2 Dope lyric and someone would point at me and screech like Invasion of the Body Snatchers, and next thing you know I’d be being bludgeoned to death with rocks and feces like Tila Tequila (okay, so she’s not dead, but who really cares). Luckily, Tom Green has the power of being a minor celebrity and is able to give us a little access. It’s pretty much everything you’d imagine. There are more braids and dreadlocks per capita than a rastafarian barbershop convention, and all of the owners are white. But anyway, on to my favorite quotes:
What am I doin? F*ckin kickin it with the fam, f*ckin trippin balls. Enjoyin’ the huge-ass bonfire.
You wanna jello shot?
I’m f*ckin fuuuuuugged up like a mother f*cker. Who has the alcohol?
My cousin’s in prison this year, she couldn’t make it. ‘Mama Gypsy.’ Woot woot!
Mama Gypsy’s in prison this year, everybody, she couldn’t bring no space cakes, show her some love, look her up, she’s in Ohio, OCRD, look her up.
Eh, you wanna smoke this rainbow?
Motherf*ckin Butane the Clown, from Tucson motherf*ckin’ Arizona! Straight the f*ck up! Butane the Clown! Dark Lotus, woo woo!
[This isn't a quote, but Gallagher is there.]
Butane the Clown done represented like a motherf*cker, motherf*cker. So suck on that, h8r bitches.
[more over at TomGreen.com]
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I’ve never wanted Fek to be around more than I do right now.
His grasp on Juggalo mentality is as firm as your Moms’ on my balls at climax.
This makes me sad to say I donated 13 dollars to the Juggalo cause. Hey, fuck you!! I was young and stupid and they were in the discount bin. You can’t beat 2 CDs for 13 bucks ninja!
I think Gallagher took a sledgehammer to Tila Tequlia’s implants.
The Juggalo Gathering is just one massive parole violation.
The Juggalo Gathering – the one week a year you can’t find anyone to work the fryer at Shoney’s.
I now have no shame that I used to travel to Dead, Phish and DMB shows and hang out with white dudes in dreads and chicks with hairy monkey fufu’s. Nope, none at all.
Holy crap, “trippin’ balls” guy could be Jason Mewes 15 years ago.
If Butane the Clown smuggles a crowbar in some space cakes to bust Mama Gypsy out of prison for the next Juggalo Gathering, I would frame the story next to my college degree in my office.
The moral of the story is: If you’re an irritating Vietnamese midget, maybe you should try to avoid large gatherings of violent meth-heads.
Ohio’s OCRD is the Ohio Resources Center on Deafness. Mama Gypsy couldn’t bring no space cakes because she went deaf. Which I’m sure is like being in a prison of sorts. /dick joke
Second moral of this story: always poop in a bag on the off chance a Tila Tequila concert breaks out.
That Tom Green would make a Juggalo movie to try and regain some relevance is as sad as Mon’i'qu’a’ Fishbourne make a porno trying to break into relevance.
In Tom Green’s case, it would be put more accurately as “Trippin’ Ball”, in the singular. Because, like Hitler, the man has only one testicle, if you didn’t catch the pun.
Dange (can I call you Dange?), I’m pretty sure there were no bags involved.
Tila’s dead on the inside, so it’s OK to hit her with a shit brick.
In valley of blind, man with one eye is king. In valley of Juggalo, man with no nose is lucky.
Jack, when discussing Juggalos, I prefer Ass Dange.
Every time I hear that Congress extended unemployment for another 6 months, I think of events like this and shit blood.
You can hear the fear in Tom’s voice.
True Story: Butane the Clown has washed my car at Simoniz.
Ok, it might not be true, but would you put it past him?
Just when I want to write off Juggalos as sad human garbage they smash Tila and throw out a Beaver Bounce. God speed clowns, o Captain my Captain
Just when I want to write off Juggalos as sad human garbage they smash Tila and throw out a Beaver Bounce. God speed clowns, o Captain my Captain
That’s what Tila Tequila get’s for trying to talk all that science shit.
That has to be the rapiest place on earth.
That was rude how Tom left trippin’ balls hanging, you thank him for his time, then you move on to the next juggalo that’s how its done son. Anyway Tom can feel superior to the juggalos all he wants, he’s the one who rolled around with Drew Barrymore and her well worn snatch so who’s got scabies now? Whoo-wooo!
That was straight out of the Crazies, except I would have been stoked if the government rolled through with automatic weapons and gas masks doing their business. Oh, and I’d rather hang out with government altered zombies than a gathering of juggalos.
Would they have bombarded Barbara Streisand belting out “Send in the Clowns”???
Fuckin’ Showers, How do they work?
Space cakes, from the makers of moon pies.