Remember that warmed-over ripoff of an 80s action movie? It’s getting a sequel! Which one? ALL OF THEM! Today in the Derp Report…
Kung Fu Panda writers hired for Karate Kid sequel. Dreamworks has hired Cyrus Voris and Ethan Reiff (Kung Fu Panda) to write a sequel to the reboot of the franchise that already had four sequels. Karate Kid Version 2.02, I guess you’d call it. I sat here for 20 minutes trying to think of something to say about this, but I honestly couldn’t come up with a better punchline than the actual headline. |HollywoodReporter|
Sly Stallone wants Bruce Willis for Expendables 2, Tweets about it. In the worst thing to happen to the Internet since your parents joined Facebook, Sly Stallone has joined Twitter. After punching through his first three keyboards in an HGH accident, he Tweefed:
“Had dinner with Bruce Willis last night. I want him in Expendables II as a super villain. What do you think?
“I am thinking what would be the most dangerous places in the world to set the sequel?”
Dude. The Expendables was kind of fun, but you barely had enough material for one movie. That movie could’ve been 46 minutes long. And if you wanted to make a throwback to 80s action movies, why all the quick cuts and shaky cam and CGI blood? Please, quit while you’re ahead.
“The hardest part of making action films is attempting to inject heart and soul.. bullets are easy, emotions are hard. LIKE LIFE ITSELF.”
THE EXISTENTIAL BUFFOON STRIKES AGAIN! “And it was at that point that I realized, I was actually superman punching my own fear of commitment.”
For the love of God, put down the keyboard.
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The Expendables wasn’t fun, unless your idea of fun is watching a really bad movie.
I said “kind of” fun. I can’t decide whether it deserves credit for being exactly what you’d expect.
I haven’t seen any of the films mentioned, but given the title, am I wrong to assume the cast of The Expendables II -and are we sure he means “2″ and isn’t just ‘roid squealing? -will be all unknowns?
This is by far his best Tweet and it really made me question the validity of that account: [tinyurl.com]
I dunno though, was it? I mean I expected it to be a brainless throwback action movie with some nostalgia buzz going on, but never did I imagine it would be SO stupid and badly performed on every level(except for Rourke who needed more screen time). I just laughed all the way through it, especially when Dolph opened his yap. Hang on, I guess it was kind of fun!
Yeah, the fact that I laughed the entire time was basically my criteria for calling it fun.
The most dangerous place in the world to set the sequel?
A random drug testing lab run by elocutionists.
God Vince’s thumb creeps me out. All the better to Little Jack Horner you with, I suppose.
Brett Ratner is involved in a reboot of The Neverending Story. This game-changing re-imagining is just 3-D shots of him at the craft services table.
Hey Brett, how much bacon is there?
A TRAY, OOOH!
If they set this in the Korengal Valley and have the balls to actually film it there, I’ll pay $6.75 to see it.
I don’t think anyone would argue that The Expendables was genuinely good. The biggest surprise was that the Stath kept his shirt on the entire time.
But it was the epitome of so-bad-it’s-good hilariousness.
Like Sly, I too have found that shooting people with bullets is the easy part of life. However, I would argue that the ensuing maximum-security prison time is the hard part. “Emotions” would be kind of in-between.
Life has its own hidden forces which you can only discover by getting awl fahked up and sleethering thees way and that, man!
THE EXISTENTIAL BUFFOON STRIKES AGAIN!
When you look into an abyss, you see Kathleen Turner’s beeg fahkin’ tits.
THE EXISTENTIAL BUFFOON STRIKES AGAIN!
So it’s going to be a buddy action movie where Sly casts Jet Li for a Jackie Chan role again?
At least Sly can be unserstood on Twitter because, in real life, he talks like he had a stroke on both sides of his body.
“I am thinking what would be the most dangerous places in the world to set the sequel?”
How about the back of Extremo’s van on Double Duct Tape Tuesday at the Home Depot? Jet Li better be careful, I bet from behind he kinda looks like a nine-year old.
I read that as “the existential baboon” and was wondering if I had missed a meme.
Wasn’t the existential baboon a Family Guy gag?
Best part of the Expendables besides that huge fucking gun was Mickey Rourke trying to emote through 8 years worth of Botox.
” death is easy, life is hard, it will leave you physically and emotionally scarred ..” hey Sly, 50-Cent called, he wants his rhymes back, or pay royalties fees..lmao
CORRECTION: “Death gotta be easy, ’cause life is hard
It’ll leave you physically, mentally, and emotionally scarred;
This if for my niggaz on the block, twisting trees and cigars
For the niggaz on lock, doing life behind bars..” – 50-Cent (many men-lyrics)
Never mind Sly’s tweets, he’s following Bill O’Reilly, Kim Kardashian Howie Mandel and Harry Knowles. Truly his finger is on the technology pulse!
Sly wants to cast Billy Squire in the sequel so he talks normal by comparison.