Robert Cattinson
08.24.10
“CUT! Dammit, R-Cattz, that’s “smug!” I told you a million times, I want “heartburn!” You’re supposed to be in love, dammit!”
Hey, is that a Canadian Hairless? Finally, a pussy Robert Pattinson isn’t allergic to. (*bangs gong, cartwheels off stage spraying silly string*)
[apparently this is a week old, but I missed out on the cat puns the first go round and that simply will not do]
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/global/images/default-avatar.jpg){kind=avatar}
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/02/haddaway-what-is-love-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2011/11/Patty-2-150x150.jpg)
The main similarity between the two is how many people have seen their anuses.
Robert Cattinson like to lick his asshole before shooting a makeout scene, just to make his point clear.
P.S. Nobody know what that point is.
Bi-curiosity killed the cat.
The big difference is that one of them only THINKS about sucking the life out of you while you’re asleep.
/stupid old wives’ tale
I’m confused, that lady behind the cat looks way too skinny to be Meyer, did she go on a diet?
The Siamese Cattinson is a cat nip.
He’s a CAT-cher.
*heads to scratching post in the corner*
If Robert Cattinson wasn’t so virginal, he’d be a Himalayan.
Finally – a cat who won’t freak out when faced with a mirror.
They’re still looking for a mouse that likes to bite its bottom lip to make up the pair.
Cute, but have you seen the abs on Spaylor Meowtner?
If I watch the end of ‘Remember Me’ nine times will that finally end him?
A riddle:
On my way to St. Ives, I met a man with seven wives.
Seven wives had seven sacks.
Seven sacks had seven cats.
Seven cats had seven kits.
Kits, cats, sacks, and wives -how many were obsessed with Rpattz?
The answer: All of them. Between the blatant Mormonism and all the cats, you just know they were Twilight freaks.
When you rub them just right, they both stick their butts up in the air.
Apparently that cat lady did her tabloid research. She’s showing off Kristen Stewart’s patented “strap-on clutch” finishing maneuver.
Robert Cattinson gags on hairyballs.
Or was the Siamese Cattinson a cat Chow? I forget.
Jackie Chan endorses this for dinner.
Robert Cattinson has a sandpaper tongue because he works with a lot of wood.
It’s good luck when a black cat crosses Robert Cattinson’s path as they keep it on the DL.
I thought Robert Pattinson was more of a dog because he can’t resist burying his face in other men’s asses.
What a pussy.
I knew Robert Cattinson liked me because he kept trying get in my lap.
Only one of them likes eating fish.
Just claimed @RobertCattinson. I’m gunning for you, Jack.
Robert Cattinsons don’t purr, they durr.
Judging by the look on his face, I’d say Mr. Bigglesworth’s agent can consider himself fuckin’ fired!
A Twihard who also owns a cat? Shocking. Where DOES she find the time to go on all her J-Dates?
That cat looks like Delta Burke.
“Say it. Out loud, say it.”
“Meow.”
Robert Cattinson will only get near another pussy if there’s a string hanging out of it.
You’re welcome.
If that pussy was any more worn out it would be Cat Gosselin.
If that pussy gave you a shoulder to cry on when your boyfriend didn’t call it would be Ryan Gosling.
You could take RCattz to a screening of Twilight and kill two birds with one stone if you bring a red laser pointer!
If that cat looked any less healthy it would be Pussy Gabor.
Fun fact: Killing two birds is what landed Stone in Cornrow County lockup.
Technically, is that a wig or a merkin?
The only crotch Robert Cattinson will ever get himself stuck in is in a tree.
Gawd, the owner of that cat stinks of loneliness so bad I can smell it coming through my monitor.
Valium and stool softener is as good as cat-nip to Robert Cattinson.
You could use that same cat picture for DJ Qualls.
Robert Cattinson learned to make the heartburn face after getting spayed.
Robert Cattinson really calmed down after he was mewtered.
Robert Cattinson’s owner was vexed to find that Astroglide™ in the litter box was non-clumpable.
Tailer Lautner cat is played b y a Manxican.
Tailer Lautner cat also got a little tail. No homo.
Robert Cattinson is abstinent because he doesn’t like hairballs.
Robert Cattinson is set to star in the Twilight broadway mewsical.
Robert Cattinson goes by the name “Bobcat” on gay dating sites.
Robert Cattinson’s vagina allergy led to him to commit David Carradine via leash and tree.
Robert Cattinson always lands on his effete.
Getting neutered didn’t stop Robert Cattinson from spraying.
A bald pussy? Is it Miley’s?
It’s funny, you see, cause they look the same! ha ha ha…dumb bitch *mumble* dressing her stupid cat *mumble mumble*
Robert Cattinson and Robert Pattinson would need the same amount of effort to get them to lick peanut butter off my sack
Effort:
1) pull down my pants
2) put pb on my sack