Well this is disappointing. It seems New Line has grown a vagina, and now the fifth Final Destination movie will no longer be called 5nal Destination. Which is sad, because that was an awful title, and being a worthy object of our scorn and ridicule is really the only thing it was bringing to the table. And I was so looking forward to all those questions during the press tour!
“Tell us, what was it like going from living in a two-room grain silo in Nebraska with 11 brothers and sisters to getting the call to star in Five-nal Destination?”
“Would you consider Five-nal Destination the pinnacle of your career? Had you always wanted to make a movie like Five-nal Destination?”
“Boo Boo Stewart: what’s he like? Did you get to know him on the set of Five-nal Destination?”
“So Five-nal Destination… is this the final destination or just the FIVE-nal destination? Will there be a Final De-six-nation?” (*canned laughter*)
Such a shame. Even worse, the news of the title change came buried inside a Bloody-Disgusting report about this guy joining the cast:
This is Lights Camera Jackson in 10 years.
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/global/images/default-avatar.jpg){kind=avatar}
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2011/07/casey-anthony-porn-05-480x507-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2010/06/Tobey-Maguire-FinalDestination-150x150.jpg)
Now that guy is definitely a goober.
I’ll meat Lights Camera Jackson right now. In ten years it might be consentual and that would kill the rush.
Lights Camera Jackson doesn’t think this movie was made for people his age.
Lights, Camera, Jacks Off would rather watch Lesbian Sex Fire Ballerina othernounsIcantremember.
So, that’s the guy that gets killed by a Rube Goldberg dildo-chair, right?
This doesn’t mean filming* has stopped on the porn knock of Anal Destination, does it?
8And by filming I mean caulking some whore’s face with jizz.
Dateline 2046! The German 5ifth Reich announces the 5nal Solution!! The systematic elimination of the educated!!!!!
He’s like Chris Martin’s pederast doppleganger
The banner pic reminds me that I don’t understand why Tobey Maguire is famous, but at the same time, it reminds me that Zach Braff sucks, and evidently, can go balls-deep.
“CRIPPPPPESSSS I TOLD YOU NOT TO SMILE AT THE CAMERA WE WERE DOING THE FUNNY FACE THING!!”
No it was an awesome title, it was canned because it violated the judge-a-book-by-it’s-cover paradox. They therefore had to devise some title which would surreptitiously obfuscate the adject suck of the actual film.
-d +b
fuck
Hey Vinky, since we’re on the subject, “…Nebraska with 11 brothers…”
They’re changing the title to Fufu Destination, right? In space, nobody can hear you queef.
1945nal DestinAsian is great, if you’re into Enola Gay porn.
So they hired Jarred from the Subway commercials for this one? They must have a bigger budget this time.
Am I the only one who sees ’5nal Destination’ as ‘Anal Destination?’ Yeah? Just me? I’ll be quiet now…
I can still call butt sex with my girlfriend…I mean Thai lady boy 5nal though right?