After the jump, you can watch the first trailer for Darren Aronofsky’s follow-up to The Wrestler, Black Swan, starring Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis. I loved The Wrestler, and a new Darren Aronofsky film is big news on its own, but before we get all film school, I’d just like to apprise you of one fact:
In this movie, Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis have sex.
Yeah. You read that right. And not just nice sweet innocent sex either. We’re talking ecstasy-induced hungry aggressive angry sex. [via a script review from a while back]
‘Aggressive Lesbian Ballerina Sex’ was my indie band’s first EP. And also our genre.
Yeah, so this looks pretty messed up, even aside from the aforementioned lesbian ballerina sex. At about the 1:13 mark, Natalie Portman’s reflection in the mirror becomes self aware. Then there’s what I’m pretty sure is a masturbation shot, and that’s when a weird giant bird man shows up. I’m in love with this already. But for those of you pansies who demand an explanation for your ballerina sex and creepy bird men, here’s the official synopsis:
BLACK SWAN follows the story of Nina (Portman), a ballerina in a New York City ballet company whose life, like all those in her profession, is completely consumed with dance. She lives with her retired ballerina mother Erica (Barbara Hershey) who zealously supports her daughter’s professional ambition. When artistic director Thomas Leroy (Vincent Cassel) decides to replace prima ballerina Beth MacIntyre (Winona Ryder) for the opening production of their new season, Swan Lake, Nina is his first choice. But Nina has competition: a new dancer, Lily (Kunis), who impresses Leroy as well. Swan Lake requires a dancer who can play both the White Swan with innocence and grace, and the Black Swan, who represents guile and sensuality. Nina fits the White Swan role perfectly but Lily is the personification of the Black Swan. As the two young dancers expand their rivalry into a twisted friendship, Nina begins to get more in touch with her dark side with a recklessness that threatens to destroy her. [Apple]
Sorry, all I heard there was “interracial lesbian swan sex.” Anyway, I think a really good name for a lesbian ballet would be “Scissor Lake.”
[hat tip to Collider for the embed]
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Schwing Lake
As the sex becomes more aggressive, I hope there’s an amputee waving his prosthetic around: “Use my leg! Use my leg!!”
This sounds sexy and all, but ballet? that’s kinda gay. Call me later if they remake it as Fingerbang! The Musical.
C-Tates is producing the remake, Baller-ina.
[Crosses fingers for can-can burlesque scene inserted into ballet]
Hey scissa, go scissa, soul scissa, flow scissa
Hey scissa, go scissa, soul scissa, go scissa
You bump Twooooo monkey foo foo!!
Hmmm, thinks to self – isn’t kinda gay jacking-off to a ballet movie?
Hopefully Requiem won’t be the last Aronofsky flick with an ass-to-ass scene.
Simpsons did it.
Needs more Anne Hathaway.
Well I saw Winona’s name in the synopsis but where was she in the trailer? I demand Winona.
Oh, and Johnny, no, but you have to stick your thumb to your forehead and say “No homo” three times first.
And not just nice sweet innocent sex either. We’re talking ecstasy-induced hungry aggressive angry sex.
Clam Baked?
ecstasy-induced hungry aggressive angry sex
So they got rolling and one of them says, “Hey I’m hungry, wanna eat out?” and the rest is cinematic glory.
Hyphenating “jacking-off” is kinda gay though.
Morton the C-tate remake is called “Baller-in-ya”
Aronofsky wisely set the climatic dance seen to Ratt’s “Round and Round.” And the fireman party is interrupted by Marisa Tomei’s tits. What can I say, the man knows my heart.
I assume the twist is that Natalie Portman WAS Mila Kunis the whole time.
Looks exactly like the script I read.
Should be pretty wacky stuff.
“ecstasy-induced hungry aggressive angry sex.”
My favorite ballet, The Nutbuster.
Lesbian Ballerina Fight Club?
Well, I’ll give her this: It’s better than the lesbian scenes she had with Hayley Christiensen in Episodes II and III.
I have hung out in some backyards looking through windows in my day, and that is most DEFINITELY a masturbation pose. The only things missing are Hello Kitty dolls and a Pre-Algebra textbook off to the side.
In all seriousness, I just listened to the frotcast part 2 – That brawl in the stands ended with two chicks going apeshit on each other. Two Oakland chicks throwing them thangs. It ruled.
I’m pretty sure Natalie Portman is the hottest Jewess in the whole history of Judaism. But Mila Kunis isn’t too far behind. Back in the day, Jewesses weren’t so sexy. For example, raise your hand if you want to see a Roseanne Barr on Estelle Harris aggressive lesbian ballerina sex scene?
(*Fek hesitantly raises hand, then quickly puts it back down again*)
Or how about Barbara Streisand on Rhea Perlman? See what I mean? I don’t know exactly what’s changed, but I’m sure glad it did…
Are you left or right brained?
Which way do the ballerinas swing?
• Left
• Right
• Both
sincere question, not intended to golden shower all over everyone’s ballerina sex parade, but this is clearly the direction modern film is taking now, yes? dark, dreamlike surrealistic landscapes? commercially speaking…
i’m not complaining, magical realism is my jam. and i think christopher nolan’s financial success and critical acclaim by taking the oldest writing taboo of it all being a dream and turning into something revolutionary has paved the way for it all the more.
but with the recent influx of black swan sucker punch nerdfilm bonerjams that are actually worth being amped about, i’m just wondering if this is where we’re headed or if i’m overqualifying what maybe can’t even be called a pattern, let alone a trend.
um, more importantly, however, i googled “hot jewess actresses” to contest Dingus and this was the first result:
http://www.jewwatch.com/jew-entertainment-folder.html
it claims to be “An Oasis of News for Americans Who Presently Endure the Hateful Censorship of Zionist Occupation.” Isn’t that just fancy-talk for “jew run media”?
Nothing changed, “Dingus”. You’re just picking out examples of ugly actresses.
In the 1950s, you could have had a lesbian threesome between Jewesses Lauren Bacall, Shelley Winters (back when she was hot) and Piper Laurie.
In the 1980s, it would have been Jami Gertz, Ione Skye, and Jennifer Rubin.
In the 1990s, Sarah Michelle Gellar and Alicila Silverstone.
Etc., etc…
Oh, and Portman is hardly the hottest Jewess ever. Not even close.