Karate-Kid-Jaden-Chan-Keanu-Reeves

Jackie Chan is a happy-go-lucky movie star, so it’s no surprise that he gets a lot of endorsement deals, especially in his native China, where he’s their most-recognized celebrity.  But it seems he’s not particular enough about what he puts his name on, and lately, so many Chan-endorsed products have been failing that some people are saying that Chan is like a reverse King Midas, where instead of gold, everything he touches turns to TOILET POISON.

When news broke last month that an anti- hair-loss shampoo he promoted allegedly contained carcinogens, Chinese cyberspace and media were buzzing about the “Jackie Chan curse.”

Anti-hair-loss shampoo contained carcinogens, huh?  Gotta love China.  Here in America, celebrities like Jimmy Johnson are free to endorse transparent snake-oil products like pills to make your boners bigger with no repercussions, but hey, at least the pills aren’t made out of rat’s milk and factory runoff.

Consider the auto repair school that Chan plugged to aspiring Chinese mechanics: It became enmeshed in a diploma scandal [you mean your Chinese mechanic school diploma is FAKE? The dastard!]. Another of his sponsors, a maker of video compact discs, went bankrupt and saw its manager jailed for fraud. An educational computer that Chan pitched to children called the Subor Learning Machine flopped. And a cola he quaffed named Fenhuang fizzled. [ALLITERATION, the reporter later added.]
More recently, an air-conditioner brand that Chan promoted was hit by a report that one of its units exploded. Media wags couldn’t resist invoking the Jackie jinx.

“He has become the coolest spokesperson in history,” said an editorial in Oriental Guardian, a Nanjing newspaper. “A man who can destroy anything.”

Few know whether Chan actually uses the shampoo, called BaWang, which its manufacturer claims keeps hair roots strong and black.

CHAN: Dis hair root on regurah shampoo! (*cut to tired, mangy dog falling asleep in the mud*)  Now!  Dis a your hair root onna BaWang! (*cut to Jaden Smith karate kicking through board*)  BaWang! Strong and brack!

BaWang Group stock has tanked since the scandal broke, even though government regulators deemed the product safe.  For weeks, Chang said little about the flap. But with the controversy refusing to die, he broke his silence at a Shanghai charity auction Aug. 8, speaking out defiantly against his detractors.

“Incidents like this, where shampoos are reported to have problems, are not new,” he said. “Someone is trying to harm me and BaWang.” [LA Times]

PLEASE, YOU MUST BE MORE GENTLE WITH BAWANG!

…What was this story about again?  Sorry, I was too busy giggling every time I read “wang.”