It’s your lucky day, folks. Not only is it Friday, but I’ve got the first trailer for the Fred Figglehorn movie! You can watch it above, or a higher-res version on Nickelodeon’s crappy player here. The Fred phenomenon is strange and terrifying for anyone over the age of 12, so I’ll leave the synopsis to one of his fans:
Here is the official Fred the Movie trailer!!!!!!! Hope u like it :p Cant believe pixie lott is Judy and Sam from iCarly is Bertha lol. The plot is Judy moves away, and Fred goes to look for her, but he finds out that she only moved up the block XD you’ll be happy to know that his voice isn’t as squeaky so thats ok :)
Another user adds:
“mmmmm…… i’m gonna smell like green apples”! haha lmao
Lmao indeed. Look, nothing against this kid, because as annoying as he is, he’s basically just a little kid whose obnoxiousness littler kids find entertaining, for whatever reason. But if you take one thing away from this, it should be this: take a look around you. Do you hate your job? I know I sure did. But as crappy as your job might be, at least you’re not the poor bastards who probably worked 15 hour days watching this kid do 12 takes of his grating shtick to help some suit at Nickelodeon cash in on this Fred thing. Back when I was working as a grip and production assistant, I once worked on a commercial for this Indian casino. The commercial involved an old lady winning a slot machine jackpot (after all, consider the target audience here), and I swear to God, I watched this old lady scream like she was having an orgasm probably 200 times in a row. At the time I was thinking that starring in bukkakke porn would be less embarrassing than that lady’s job. Today, I’m trying to imagine what it’d be like to replace that old lady orgasming with Fred f*cking Figglehorn, and then instead of the three days I worked on that commercial, four or six or eight weeks. Now you have an idea of what the crew of Fred must’ve experienced. Where’s Mike Rowe’s profile on these guys? I hope you’re feeling cheered up right now, because even if you’re cleaning bed pans, I guarantee you your job is better than that.
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I am gonna just assume that the set was festooned with Mexicans because this movie is another shitty job that regular Americans don’t want to do.
I liked this better when it had an R rating and Tom Green.
“All the annoyingly unfunny social miscues of MadTV’s Stewart without the creepiness.”
I can’t wait til he stars as James Marshall’s asshole.
I’m waiting for the sequel: Freddy Got Haimed.
the terrorists have won
Girl: So, what do you do for a living?
Man: Oh, I am a key grip.
Girl: Oh! Like in the credits at the end of movies?
Man: Yeah. That’s me.
Girl: Have you worked on any movies recently?
Man: Well, I worked on “Fred: The Movie”.
Girl: Well, my vagina is lined with AIDS razors, so I guess you’re in, right?
Grating schtick for Nickelodeon suits is what made James Franco the artist he is today.
This movie is just a front for the Division of Youth and Family Services to take kids away from the abusive parents who take them to see this.
I’d rather watch Sports Center fellate Favre for the next two months.
I guess I’ll be going with my movie’s alternate title “Yes – Cookie! Cookie rhymes with Nookie! Awesome!”
“Internet Sensation”. At the end of the day, do you really need more than that to kill yourself?
Is this the chick who used to kick for the Dolphins?
I hate his asshole face.
Cant believe pixie lott is Judy and Sam from iCarly is Bertha lol
I don’t know what that means, but I hope Fred gets fisted so hard and deep that his front teeth get knocked out of his fucking skull.
He’s got “buttloads of energy” because all the dudes that rail him are geeked up on Redbull Vodkas and Amyl Nitrate.
So, it’s Pee Wee’s Big Adventure without the irony?
Freddie Got Fingered… to star in yet another shit-tank cash grab for Nickelodeon… And, by his uncle when he was four.
Seriously, this kid catches more than the Molina brothers.
Nickelodeon is just praying to squeeze out another few movies before Fred’s voice goes all Peter Brady.
If Jeff Dunham is the PT Cruiser of comedy, this kid is the seatless unicycle.
You too can hit it big by posting videos of yourself acting goofy on YouTube.
Just remember kids, Nobody can discover you unless you put your name, address, phone number, and parents’ work schedules online where talent scouts can see them. See you soon, future-stars!
His first internet persona was Pedro Peterpuffer, but Nickelodeon said it was too mexicany.
“…The plot is Judy moves away, and Fred goes to look for her, but he finds out that she only moved up the block XD…”
Spoiler alert you stupid little cunt! You fucking blew it for me!
Looks like Angelo Mendoza’s father actually did him a favor.
I heard this kid called Suge Knight a pussy faggot.
Helen Keller couldn’t even sit through this entire movie.
Yeah, but that’s because she was a hyper little bitch, Chino.
Chino, is that a cripple joke?
Marlee Matlin doessn’t get why you guys are being such assholes to this kid.
I’d rather watch ‘Twilight’.
Drop Dead, Fred.
Pixie Lott though? H’mm.
ha, i bet he is angling for a role in the next Bond movie playing Pixienormous
I’m with Mr. Splooge.
True story: Every time I come across “XD” used as an emoticon; I always think of the pistol, Springfield XD.
True story DH!
I was going to suggest that Mike Rowe wasn’t around because he was nailing Fred, but Fred’s not his type. Obviously Mike Rowe is a bear.
sidebar: every time I’m bored at work I picture Mike Rowe narrating what I’m doing.
This screams “Even Worse Napoleon Dynamite”.
@Cereal
If Napoleon Dynamite was gay, instead of retarded, he’d be Fred Figglehorn. Oh, the abject misfits kids laugh at nowadays… (*sighs*)
Hey, who knows, portraying queers and retards used to be a surefire way to win an Oscar… so maybe this Figglehorn kid will end up being the next Tom Hanks.
HEy, I clean bed pans for a living. Now I can’t get an erection anymore.
Your move…