Take your jazz hands off that pistol, musical lover. It’s been a long, dark road, but it seems that the Spider-Man Broadway musical with music by U2 I told you about a while back (“Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark”) will finally be getting its debut. Rolling Stone quotes producer Michael Cohl, who says preview performances will start November 14th and opening night is scheduled for December 21st. That’s a picture of the actual set above (I added gay Spider-Man for… uh… scale).
In October ’08, the Post reported that the play would cost $40 million (which they were trying to bring down to $35m), and would have a weekly running cost of $1 million. They estimated that it would have to run for 8,000 years in a Broadway theater just for it to break even (which would be three years shy of Cats‘ run). More recent estimates put the cost even higher, at $50 million, though it doesn’t say whether that includes the weekly cost. Luckily, they’ve got some big stars to headline the bill. Hold on, I’m receiving an update…
Jennifer Damiano will fill the role of Mary Jane Watson, and Patrick Page will play both Norman Osborn and the villain Green Goblin. The actors join Reeve Carney, playing Peter Parker. Because of the delays and the uncertain nature of the production, both actress Evan Rachel Wood, who was to star as Mary Jane, and Alan Cumming, in the Green Goblin role, quit. [RollingStone]
Director Julie Taymor originally wanted Jim Sturgess for Peter Parker, but apparently that didn’t work out either. Which could have something to do with Jim Sturgess being an actor who gets offered real film roles and this being a Broadway musical about Spider-Man. With U2 songs.
Bono and the Edge, who wrote both the lyrics and music for the show, remain firmly in place. Last year the Edge said that the music “touches on opera, it touches on rock & roll. There are some real character-driven songs as well, very unusual song types for us.”
By “character driven,” do you mean talk-singing numbers sung from the perspective of the Green Goblin? Because that sounds great. Good luck with that.
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/global/images/default-avatar.jpg){kind=avatar}
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/05/Spider-man-lizard-face-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/04/Rock-of-ages-leather-jacket-150x150.jpg)
Luckily, they’ve got some big stars to headline the bill.
I’m surprised the producers could get the actors from the fake Oregon Trail trailer what with their busy schedules and all
Hello hello
(Hola)
I’m a villain called Mysterio
(Donde esta?)
I’m the babysitter you wish you didn’t know
Except I give you something
You can feel, feeeeeeeeeeeeeeel
2/3 of the budget was used to convince The Edge to write a song with more than 2 chord changes.
Guy’cha! BURN!
“Because of the delays and the uncertain nature of the production, both actress Evan Rachel Wood, who was to star as Mary Jane, and Alan Cumming, in the Green Goblin role, quit.”
When asked why he was leaving the production, Alan Cumming was quoted as saying, “This is just waaaay too gay for me.”
*jazz hands*
There is only one true Spiderman and he doesn’t sing or dance but, instead, drinks whiskey and punches women:
[www.youtube.com]
I’m disappointed the role didn’t go to Paul Rubens, given his experience with slinging webs in a theater.
This is obviously a giant waste money and I’m a little surprised that Bono agreed to this. He could be sending that money to China to buy nets to catch the African children carrying West Nile Aids, or whatever it is he’s bitching about these days.
Alan Cumming is better suited for Knob Gobblin.
It may take 8,000 years to break even on Broadway, but if this gets picked up for a movie, then… Wha? Oh fuck, When?
Nathan Lane as Aunt May or GTFO.
They should play INXS while they’re hanging around backstage.
I’ve got $100 on one of the characters remarking “Spider-Man, he moves…in mysterious ways” followed by me running onstage and stabbing him in the face
I found this partial list of songs comprising the score:
1. Sunday Spidey Sunday
2. Where The Webs Have No Name
3. Bullet The Green Sky (Goblin’s song)
4. Pride (In The Name Of Glove)
5. With or Without (Mary) Jane
I can’t hear about Spider-Man anymore without thinking of that awesome Spader-Man toy.
Doc Oc will not be making an appearance in the production, as all the male leads are deathly afraid of ‘Puss.
Gay Spider-Man is thankful he doesn’t have to explain why he won’t fuck Kirsten Dunst
Needs more Stomp.
I’m sorry, but I’ve been sitting here trying to think up a bigger joke than “$40 million Broadway play about radioactive Spider Man with music and Lyrics by U2″ and I’ve just been spinning my wheels.
The tagline?
Just when you thought you couldn’t hate U2 anymore than you already do…
Epic arena guitar strumming plays softly.
Fade up on empty stage.
We hear Bono’s voice over the guitars “oooohhhhh oooh ooooohhhh”
Guitars grow louder. Drum kicks in.
Bono keeps in tune “ooooohhh oooh spider man… ooooh oh ooohoooo”
Edge’s guitar chimes in, repeating the same six notes over and over again.
Bono gets louder “spider… oooh oooohhh… spider man…. ohho”
A naked midget walks out on stage, stands in the center spotlight.
Music keeps repeating same notes, louder and louder.
Midget squats down and takes a massive dump.
Curtains fall.
Intermission.
asAids, I’m pretty sure that the entire male cast would welcome getting stabbed in the face… as long as it’s with a cock.
Uh, maybe he can get an emo haircut and eyeshadow and get in to a dance off in a bar.
Nah that will never work, too gay.