(HURRRRRR, The Night Chronicles Begin, HURRRRR)
You’d think that after I posted that crowd-reaction shot of an entire audience laughing and jeering when “from the Mind of M. Night Shyamalan” flashed across the screen during a trailer for Devil, that Universal might take the hint and stop using his name to advertising a movie that he neither wrote nor directed. A similar experience was reported to me by at least 20 separate people and according to reports, also happened when the trailer played Comic-Con. The distributor is clearly aware of this phenomenon, since they had both my videos pulled. (I can’t imagine a clearer case of fair use than reposting an advertisement for a movie in order to discuss it, but I digress).
But a new poster for Devil just hit the web (via empire), and gee, would you look at that, there’s Manny’s name on it again. If this was an unauthorized release from Manny’s production company (“The Night Chronicles”), Universal should sue, and if it came from Universal, the person in charge should get at least fired, probably tarred and feathered. Shyamalan’s last three movies were The Last Airbender, The Happening, and Lady in the Water, respectively. As an effective tagline, “From the Mind of M. Night Shyamalan” currently ranks just behind “All Proceeds go to Al Qaeda.”
I wouldn’t be surprised if another movie opening the same weekend is actually behind this. It’s probably some kind of Karl Rove-style counter-advertising strategy. “Hey, did you guys hear Devil fathered a minority out of wedlock? It’s true. It’s Basil Marceaux Dot Com‘s favorite movie.”
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/photo/257/thumb)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/new-movie-trailer-fro-ripd-starring-ryan-reynolds-jeff-bridges-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/03/50000-Shades-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/02/baby-pygmy-hippo-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/vin-diesel-the-new-kojak-diesel-playing-kojak-in-new-movie-150x150.jpg)
It’s Basil Marceaux Dot Com’s favorite movie.
The Mighty One doesn’t care what it is, He would watch the shit out of whatever movie that is.
It’s probably fucking “Ghoulies”.
If you want to make an elevator look scary, instead of making an upside-down cross with some spooky lighting, how about you show me a sweaty fat guy standing behind an open door with a Taco Bell burrito in one hand and a fanning-air-away-from-my-ass gesture with the other?
Was knocking around LA last weekend and finally saw Inception (Very good but way overrated/overhyped so it kind of disappointed me) and they played this trailer, as many people groaned and shouted “fuck!” as did during the last shot of Inception.
Brett Ratner saw this and spontaneously jizzeeeed;
[pictureisunrelated.com]
If you want to make an elevator look scary, instead of making an upside-down cross with some spooky lighting, how about you show me
a sweaty fat guy standing behind an open door with a Taco Bell burrito in one hand and a fanning-air-away-from-my-ass gesture with the othera mousy lookin’ pale white Kentucky harelip carrying a tire iron and wearing nothing but a Dale Jr. hat, a Justin Bieber tattoo, and a hard on?M. Night Shyamalan’s mind is like the limbo level in Inception, except instead of a landscape of shining skyscrapers created by his own subconscious, it’s a desolate void, the only inhabitant of which is a chimpanzee struggling to wrench an O. Henry novel up his own ass.
I said scary, Fex, not like the bathroom at one of our rallies.
If you want to make an elevator look scary, instead of making an upside-down cross with some spooky lighting, how about you show me
a sweaty fat guy standing behind an open door with a Taco Bell burrito in one hand and a fanning-air-away-from-my-ass gesture with the other a mousy lookin’ pale white Kentucky harelip carrying a tire iron and wearing nothing but a Dale Jr. hat, a Justin Bieber tattoo, and a hard ona negro?Too scary.
Oh, dear Kahless, He just realized He used the colloquial term…”Dale Jr.”…how The Mighty have fallen…
If you want to make an elevator look scary, instead of making an upside-down cross with some spooky lighting, how about you show me
a sweaty fat guy standing behind an open door with a Taco Bell burrito in one hand and a fanning-air-away-from-my-ass gesture with the other a mousy lookin’ pale white Kentucky harelip carrying a tire iron and wearing nothing but a Dale Jr. hat, a Justin Bieber tattoo, and a hard on a negroChael Sonnen raping Lince’s couch?If you want to make an elevator look scary, instead of making an upside-down cross with some spooky lighting, how about you show me a
sweaty fat guy standing behind an open door with a Taco Bell burrito in one hand and a fanning-air-away-from-my-ass gesture with the other a mousy lookin’ pale white Kentucky harelip carrying a tire iron and wearing nothing but a Dale Jr. hat, a Justin Bieber tattoo, and a hard on a negro Chael Sonnen raping Lince’s couch?faceless, fingerless woman kill fucking a chimp with a pole saw.See, now we’re back to rally material.
Spoiler alert:
Want to know who the devil is? First, it can’t be the frog-faced dude; as he clearly made a deal with the Devil.
(“So it is agreed, Fire-tits from Mad Men will be your bride, but in exchange you must only appear in movies of my choosing.”
“And you promise, none of these movies will be directed OR WRITTEN by M. Night Shyamalan?”
“I promise.”)
Second, if any character is a critic they WILL be the Devil.
Third, if there is no critic, look for a writer character -their enemy is the devil. Lastly, the twist? We are all the devil, and we were the whole time!
If you want to make an elevator look scary, instead of making an upside-down cross with some spooky lighting, how about you show me a
sweaty fat guy standing behind an open door with a Taco Bell burrito in one hand and a fanning-air-away-from-my-ass gesture with the other a mousy lookin’ pale white Kentucky harelip carrying a tire iron and wearing nothing but a Dale Jr. hat, a Justin Bieber tattoo, and a hard on a negro Chael Sonnen raping Lince’s couch? faceless, fingerless woman kill fucking a chimp with a pole sawclown brushing a retard’s hair with a cactus.Do you love M.Night and absolutely hate yourself? If so, watch The Buried Secret of M. Night Shyamalan.
[www.imdb.com]
It’s even on youtube (part 1 of 13): [www.youtube.com]
This alone is enough to make even the most hardcore M.Night fan want to beat him to within an inch of his life.
If you want to make an elevator look scary, instead of making an upside-down cross with some spooky lighting, how about you show me a
sweaty fat guy standing behind an open door with a Taco Bell burrito in one hand and a fanning-air-away-from-my-ass gesture with the other a mousy lookin’ pale white Kentucky harelip carrying a tire iron and wearing nothing but a Dale Jr. hat, a Justin Bieber tattoo, and a hard on a negro Chael Sonnen raping Lince’s couch? faceless, fingerless woman kill fucking a chimp with a pole saw clown brushing a retard’s hair with a cactus.asthmatic movie blogger with shit in his pants driving around a playground in a Neverending Story van.If you want to make a funny comment,
cross out a bunch of writing and then replace it with something elsemake sure your name isn’t Kevin.if you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends…
wait, i miss the point here?
Hey Vince, wouldn’t you think if everyone, including studio execs, knows his name induces derision from movie audiences, and yet his name still appears on every one-sheet, then doesn’t it seem obvious it’s in his contract? Does forcing a distributor to put his name above every title NOT sound like something he would do? Even at the cost of cash?
Did I just suck the humor out of this?
Did
Uwe Boll is jealous of the public derision Shammy now receives. The Sham-Wow guy is jealous of the derision Shammy now receives. Carrot Top, Rita Cosby, Larry the Cable Guy, Vanilla Ice, Speidi, Chloe Kardashian, Russell Brand, Barry Bonds, and Octomom are all bummed out too. Fuck, even Israel is wondering what happened. (*Palestinian protesters burn M. Night Shyamalan in effigy*)