Danielle Lurie’s short documentary, 81-Year-Old Sweethearts has recently been making its way around the internet*. So the story goes, Lurie had been on a plane to DC when she met Jack, an 81-year-old man on his way to reunite with his high-school sweetheart, Betty, who he hadn’t seen in 62 years.
As a young man, he had gone into the service, and [two months later], she got married to someone else. Both moved on, but he found her on the Internet, discovered that both of their spouses had passed away, and decided to drop everything and be with her once again. [Cinematical]
I find the internet’s general, OMG-aren’t-old-people-adorable! attitude to be kind of obnoxious and patronizing, but I have to admit, this one was fairly charming, mainly because Jack is. At one point he says, “Oh no, she hasn’t aged well at all, but I don’t care.” Nice to see the urge to bang anything that moves doesn’t disappear with age. He seems a lot happier to see her than she is him (a little clingy, aren’t you there, guy?), to the point where it’s a little awkward, but seeing them flirt as they got pushed away on wheelchairs made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, like his old balls were on my heart. Their reunion isn’t quite cute as the Christian the lion reunion, but that’s to be expected when you don’t have fur. If scientists could just teach retarded kids to grow fur, they’d probably be a lot more fun to take care of.
Wait, did he just reference his mother (53-second mark)? He’s 81 and his mother is still alive? Jesus, did she get raped by the Kaiser?

[via Current, a few years ago, recently rediscovered by Jezebel, Cinematical. *I wrote the post before discovering it was old. Oh well. It was new to me.]



I find the internet’s general, OMG-aren’t-old-people-adorable! attitude to be kind of obnoxious and patronizing
Funny, that’s not my attitude when I’m watching Octogenarian Fuckfest 5
Interesting note about Octogenarian Fuckfest 5 . . . the lead actress was Barely Legal when they filmed Octogenarian Fuckfest 1.
Not since the Ardennes forest has he battled such a bulge.
I haven’t seen a bangable stewardess since I was 12. Thank you Vince for sharing this. Probably will be another 36 years before I seen the next one.
“Is that your hand on my thigh?”
“No, it’s the cold, clammy hand of death.”
Anybody know what’s going on Over There? Is Bren-dong on vacation today, or what?
<———-
If you run across me on an airplane, choke me out with the earphones.
There should be enough drooling, shitting, and awkward tongues sticking out of mouths to make even the most jaded of German porn enthusiasts hard.
Then Jack threw out his luggage. All he needed was his old bag. Awwww…
Hoveround Murderball session or DONC!!!!!!*
*die of natural causes
I’ve fallen in love and I can’t get it up!!
If I sat next to this old faggot on the plane, he’d regale me with stories about his military service. Nice hat, asshole. No one cares what ship you were on you son of a bitch. Too bad the plane didn’t crash.
Obviously I didn’t enjoy my time in the Navy, unlike Matt, who likes to remind us every other fucking post that he was in the fucking Marines. Wow, I am a jaded bastard.
Having sex would increase her bone density temporarily by 300%, 400 if it’s a black guy.
If they are really kinky, she changes her depends over his chest. It’s called “The Early Turd Special”.
Betty balked at the rekindled romance when Jack demanded she “talk Jap” to him during intercourse.
Wait, did he just reference his mother (53-second mark)? He’s 81 and his mother is still alive? Jesus, did she get raped by the Kaiser?
Probably. Zey verr raping everybody out zere.
Raped By The Kaiser is a jewish fetish maneuver involving un-kosher deli meat.
If he gives her a pearl necklace, the pearls will smell like moth balls.
The only humping in this movie is the one on Betty’s back. Damn you, osteoporosis!!
People who have heart disease or may be dead should consult their physician before sexual intercourse.
Jack is really into feet and boobs. Ka-ching!
From broken hearts to broken hips.
They’re gonna roll home and dickety-nine like maniacs.
I reckon he’s a-fixin to make her his best girl. Then they’re gonna fuck.
When he gives her a rusty trombone, it will in fact be a poorly-maintained brass musical instrument. They were in marching band together.
“Parking in the Red Zone is for loading and unloading of regrets-for-wasting-your-life only.”
Lie still, Betty. Lie very still.
Just thinking out loud here.
That’s a GGMILF if I’ve ever seen one.
After I am done crippling and retiring his ass, Anderson Silva will have to wheelchair-jack one of these pathetic mummified dinosaurs…LIVE, at UFC 117, August 7th on PPV!
Jack and Betty had to wheel themselves all the way to the hotel and back. In the snow. Uphill. Both ways.