OPENING THIS WEEKEND (trailers after the jump)
- Cats & Dogs 2: The Revenge of Kitty Galore
“Kitty Galore?” Really? Didn’t “pussy” used to be an inoffensive way to say “cat?” Anyway, it looks like a great movie to take your pussy kids to.
- Charlie St. Cloud
It may be tracking just below 20% among top critics at Rotten Tomatoes and star Zac Efron as a sailing champion who plays baseball with his dead brother, but if you read my recreation of the plot using quotes from expository reviews and you aren’t at least a little bit curious, I don’t know what to tell you. It sounds like the sailingest, most dead-brother-baseball film of the summer. FAH GET YA SCHAWLASHIP TA STAN FUHD, CHAHLIE! THAT GOIL NEEDS YA HELP! LISTEN TO ME, CHAHLIE, I’M YA DEAD BROTHAH!
- Dinner for Schmucks
The premise sounds terrible, it’s a remake, and the director has movies like Goldmember and Meet the Fockers on his resume (but also Meet the Parents and Recount). But I don’t know how you go wrong with this solid a cast. Steve Carell, Zach Galifianakis, Jemaine from Flight of the Conchords, Paul Rudd, Ron Livingston, BRUCE F*CKING GREENWOOD; hell, I’d watch these guys re-enact one of Gwyneth Paltrow’s salsa recipes.
Finally, if you see one movie this weekend, make it this week’s FilmDrunk Frotcast, with our interview of Rob Huebel and review of Olivia Munn’s book. …Okay, so maybe it’s not a movie. But riddle me this: can you watch a movie while riding a unicycle, or doing squat thrusts? I thought not. Advantage: Frotcast.
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You make shamelessly whoring out your podcast seem sexy, fellow Albuterol huffer.
Kitty Galore anagrams to Kitty Al Gore.
Coincidence? Not if you’re a right-wing conspiratist.
My favorite part of the Charlie St. Cloud ad is when he punches out the one black guy in a bar full of fruity white teenagers.
I already have tickets for Dinner for Schmucks. If it sucks, I’m blaming Jeff Dunham.
Can we just agree that movies whose title is the name of the main character suck balls?
Full names mind you. Fletch is God!!!!
I will also allow an exemption for Sherlock Holmes. It would’ve still been better had RDJ done it in blackface.
Swi, you will never make me feel badly for liking ‘Forrest Gump’, no matter how hard you try.
*preps cortisone shot*
AHEM
*dismissively wanks all weekend*
COME ON, PLAY THROUGH THE PAIN, YOU GOTTA WANT IT, GRRRRRR
Uh, Ers, “Conan T. Barbarian”?
Donk, the Klingon will take that challenge.
FFFFAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACKKKK!!! WHO THE F*CK PUTS CHERRY TOMATOES IN GUACAMOLE??!!???? WWWWWHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYY???????
*Slams own d*ck in tortilla press*
WWWWHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYY??!!!!1!??
Ok so sweeping generalizations aside, this Charlie St. Crap movie will still suck balls though. Right?
Bring it on, Fek. Marquis de Queensbury rules with no inhaler jokes?
As will I , I loathe that tard movie.
Patty, even if it sucks, there is Paul Rudd to look at.
“. . . but if you read my recreation of the plot (of Charlie St. Cloud) using quotes from expository reviews and you aren’t at least a little bit curious, I don’t know what to tell you.”
Hell yeah, I’m a little bi-curious, bring on the Zac-a-palooza!
*friend whispers in his ear*
Wait, what now . . . oh, a little BIT curious . . . my bad. Eh, what the hell, I’ll try anything once, bring it, Efron!
There is no Charlie St. Cloud. There is only Zuul.
I am bi curious, too, bring on the Efron.
Hold the phone, we’re talking about Zac Efron, right, not Nora Ephron? Cuz wow, that lady has some overbite. My penis is hiding just thinking about it.
It’s okay, buddy, I won’t let the bad lady hurt you.
*pats his crotch gently and comfortingly*
I like to play hide-and-seek with my dead brother. As in, I hide the body the police are seeking.
Mark Ruffalo and Joaquin Phoenix both have an overwhelming urge to see that Charlie flick.
(apologies to Shop101)
Ok, I may be slowpoking here, but Children’s Hospital is fucking hilarious.
I refuse to watch anything featuring Zac Effron… unless it’s the Zac Effron vs. Frankie Muniz Fox Celebrity Boxing match that will inevitably go down in about 5-10 years from now. My money’s on Malcolm in the Middle.
What about Efron: The Fruitiest Guys in the Loom?
Sure, apologize to me for that one ya’ cruel bastard.
But I’m not sure I wouldn’t rather see my brother killed than see Zac Effron emote for two hours, all things considered.
Let me drop my hammer on you tootsies: I am a genius. I like to laugh and I also enjoy fun, so don’t stop pleasing me s’il vous plait. The commenters on this site are basically like deckhands on the Moby dick vessels, one trick clowns but regurgitation isn’t a skill so stop lauding their dronism. I know you enjoy being stroked, but the sublime is forgoing simple pleasures like wanking for more difficult pleasures like waiting till you’ve done your chores to wank. These comment whoreslaves will only take you so far, then you’ll go to your long home knowing inside that you never even popped quite the boner you could. These people are holding you back, they got their inspiration flames from the local forest fire that some fratboy twatter started to spite the trees for being able to get woodys. The commenters took a candle and got their wicks toasty, taking on worthless characteristics just to fit a niche in this ecosystem. But I am different, I’ve been waiting to say this for some time: I now know that thou right worship is defiance. Oh, thou clear spirit, of thy gin thou madest me, and like a true child of drunks, I breathe it back to thee. Annoint me a drunkard of the band of drunks!
” . . . like deckhands on the Moby dick vessels . . . ”
Tee hee, you said dick.
*scampers off to finish chores*
Spaz… now that, indeed, I would watch. Touché! (*raises pinky to corner of mouth*)