For a time, there was the possibility that Disney Channel super twink Zac Efron would turn his teen idol fame into a legitimate movie career. Let’s face it, no one wants that. Luckily, it seems more and more that he’s gone the almost-Lifetime movie route, starring in the upcoming Charlie St. Cloud, which isn’t a Nicholas Sparks novel, but if it doesn’t make at least as good a plot-recreated-with-reviews post as Miley Cyrus’ sea turtle party, I’ll be sorely disappointed. I’ve been waiting months for this. “Listen to ya dead brothah, Chahlie! Help that sailor girl find her way home!”
Now from Vulture comes word that Efron will jumping from a movie that looks like a Nicholas Sparks movie to an actual Nicholas Sparks movie. God bless that kid for the material he gives me.
Vulture hears that he is in negotiations to play a former Marine in Warner Bros.’ forthcoming adaptation of Nicholas Sparks’s novel The Lucky One. This would be the seventh Sparks novel to make it to the big screen (just eight more to go!); Efron would play the titular “One,” who returns from three tours in Iraq to (where else?) North Carolina. There he searches for a mysterious woman in a random snapshot he found — a snapshot he believes was his good-luck charm throughout the second Gulf War. The Lucky One is being produced by Sparks’s own lucky charm, Denise DiNovi, who’d previously brought the author’s Message in a Bottle, A Walk to Remember, and Nights in Rodanthe to the big screen.
Hey, does anyone know what the rest of that block quote said? I couldn’t hear anything after “former Marine” because I was laughing too hard. I can’t wait for his supporting turn in “Hannah Montana: CIA Physicist.”


returns from three tours in Iraq to (where else?) North Carolina
NOT AGAIN.
Get out of my state, Sparks, and take your sentimental, emotionally manipulative crap with you!
The Lucky One is Zac’s dead featus siamese twin that didn’t live long enough to see his faggot brother make horrible movies.
Effron is horribly disappointed to learn that Mother Goose never really existed.
Meanwhile I’m making a horror movie about a poor innocent woman just trying to make ends meet in North Carolina when some creepy twink starts stalking her when he claims he fell in love with her through a photograph he “found” while “serving” in the second Gulf War. He insists she’s his lucky charm. She’s convinced he means he wants to eat her flesh, sprinkled with marshmallows, floating in a bowl of milk.
If I was trapped in an elevator with Nicholas Sparks, Stephanie Meyer and a gun with one bullet I’d murder both of them with my bare hands
Ufford’s head just exploded.
I’ve seen Zac’s wardrobe for the infantry scenes. It consists of tight camouflage shorts and a lime green shirt that says “PLEASE ask”.
I can’t wait for the sequel. They got married at the end of the first movie, love-at-first-sight, live-in-the-moment, etc. The second one opens with them nervously waiting for the EPT, and they are elated to find out she’s having a baby. Then he gets stop-lossed, goes back to battle and is never heard from again. All she has left of him is a snapshot -of the guy who walked into her life, convinced her to quit her job, sever ties with her mother (who said not to marry a stranger), knocked her up, and left just as quickly as he came. The twist? When she has the baby it is M. Night Shyamalan.
Look, as much as we like to make fun of this story the “former marine” angle is definitely believable for Efron — SOMEONE had to be in charge of choreographing the naked detainee human pyramids
Man, and we thought Vietnam vets were treated like shit.
I could appreciate Sparks if his characters were Duke lacrosse players.
Bah, this is nothing, The Mighty Feklahr has Gedde Watanabe and Joan Cusack penned for a drama about Suchiro Izuki, a former Mariner that gets knocked down to the farm leagues and falls in love with his parole officer, Ivana Yankeewankee, during his stint with the Cedar Rapids Kernels. (He is forced to moonlight as Mr. Shucks, the team mascot.)
Working title is, “Fuck My Life, At Least This Isn’t a Baktag Zac Efron Movie, You Obama Socialist Fucks!”
**Tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-* Brrat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-**
Efron!! Stop f*cking dancing and lay down some covering fire!!!
As you all can see, Day 3 no psych meds is going fine.
Efron would play the titular “One,” who returns from three tours in Iraq
What, the touring company of the Laramie Project?
Efron in the Marines? Fuck me, have R. Lee Ermey as his drill instructor and I would actually pay to see it.
Meanwhile, Vin Diesel is set to star in a biography of Matthew Sheppard. And in a completely unrelated story, a top Warner Bros executive will be featured in an upcoming episode of Intervention.
One thing’s for sure, Efron would definitely have the common courtesy for the reach-around.
Hurrr.. I found yer picture.
“uhhh, why is it sticky?”
Hurrr… I spent 18 months in the desert with a bunch of guys carrying guns where the only women we saw dressed like they were trying to scare off Scooby Doo. Do the math, bitch.
Efron is forced to return to the states after “dishonorably discharging into another marine’s hurt locker”
*waves with two hands*
Semper HI!
Joker: Efron, if Hartman comes in here and catches us, we’ll both be in a world of shit.
Efron: I *am*… in a world… of……….
*Orchestra starts into big dance number, bathroom set flies away to reveal Grand Staircase with bare chested chorus boys in Battle Rattle doing leg kicks*
Efron Wonder! and Whimsy!! and Daaaaaann-ciiiiiiiiinnnnnggggg, GENTLEMEN OF THE DESERT!!
Zac Efron licking his gun like a penis on the poster or GTFO.
“Effron is horribly disappointed to learn that Mother Goose never really existed.”
If he needs it, Zac can always cry on Baby Goose’s shoulder. Wow, what a movie that would be.