We’ve known Sony was planning a Total Recall remake 
START THE REACTOR, COMING SOON!
Len Wiseman (Live Free or Die Hard, “Underworld” films) is in final negotiations to direct Columbia Pictures’ Total Recall, it was announced today by Doug Belgrad and Matt Tolmach, presidents of Columbia Pictures. The film will be a new, contemporized adaptation of Total Recall, which was based on the story, “We Can Remember It for You Wholesale” by Philip K. Dick. Kurt Wimmer is writing the screenplay. Neal H. Moritz will produce through his Original Film banner.
Haha, “original films.” Good one, guy who produced The Bounty Hunter. Anyway, I saw the Wiseman-directed Live Free or Die Hard, and aside from the scene where Bruce Willis outruns a jet in a semi truck, which was one of the more pointless and idiotic things I’ve seen, it actually wasn’t that bad. But unless it’s the Coen Brothers, Paul Thomas Anderson, Tarantino, Herzog, etc, I have to vote the Total Recall remake idea a big (*dismissive wank*). So… the plan is to “contemporize” a movie from 1990 that takes place in the future? I’m not sure what the hell that means, but I can tell you there’s at least a 50-50 shot Quade will be Channing Tatum. Incidentally, Cam Gigandet would make a good Quato.
Yo, girl. Ya boy C-Tatez got some Philip K. Dick you can play around wit, nah mean?
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/photo/257/thumb)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/latest-movie-trailer-for-the-carrie-remake-with-chloe-moretz-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/02/shailene-woodley-red-hair-for-amazing-spider-man-2-filming-10-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/01/pgiamaitti-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/your-mid-week-guide-to-dvd-and-streaming-clint-eastwood-has-total-recall-of-the-last-10-years-filmdrunk-150x150.jpg)
Contemporized Total Recall = Chick with three boobs now has fourteen.
The Mighty Feklahr Will Not Give A Forshak About This For You Wholesale.
He also married Kate Beckinsale. He’s gotta have some shit figured out.
The film will be a new, contemporized adaptation of Total Recall
So it’s going to be about Firestone tires?
When the kids are gone I go total freeball.
I believe “contemporized” means a whore with four tits.
I’m pretty sure that the people who are responsible for ideas just dig through the dollar bin at Walmart and scream “WE SHOULD REMAKE THIS” with whatever they find down there.
I wonder what Phil thinks about the jews.
Total Recall doctor: “What kind of life would you like – super spy? Athlete? Urban dancer?”
C-Tate: “Oh shit, son.”
Casting Director: “The film is about mutant rebels living on Mars. Each one more deformed than the other.”
*C-Tate whips out dick*
Casting Director: “Oh shit, son.”
Can we cast Gwyneth Paltrow in the Sharon Stone role?
/considers that a divorce.
I hope they recast Sharon Stone with Jennifer Aniston. So I can see her murdered.
3 tits or GTFO
3rd multi-tit joke or GTFO?
*snuggles up with hand-knit lobster dog blanket*
The decision to remake Total Recall was made by a man named Les Wiseman? Is this not a glaring fucking sign people?!
Len Wiseman only agreed to direct because he’s got five kids to feed.
Sounds like I stepped on some demi-cock.
Oh, it’s Len, nevermind.
Fucktard.
C-Tate: “Get your ass to Mars, son.”
Yo, brah. Dance off, Mars, midnight.
We win, you turn on the generator.
You win, you get all the multi-titted mutants.
@ Lester
Aniston is acceptable as well. As long as they go with the ultra realistic meat chunks on the wall route.
*stumbles into the room shirtless, wearing cowboy chaps, oven mitts, a tiara, and furry handcuffs dangling from left wrist. Smelling of Crown Royal, Astroglide, and CK One*
Total Recall? BFD – somebody knock on my door when they start talking a Running Man remake.
Yo girl wit da free titties. They remastered this shit to give me two dongs. Double titty bang! Hellz yea!
All these 80′s remakes are getting green lights, and yet my contemporized adaption of Action Jackson continues to collect dust. :’-(
C-Tate will give them air, so they can wave their hands like they just don’t care.
C-Tate’s reactor is really just a smoke machine and strobe light.
If they remake Outland, I bet they cast Betty White in the role previously played by Cliff Claven’s mom.
Len Wiseman, you say? Oh yeah, the guy boning Kate Beckinsale.
**** that ****!
( Whoa, Kate Beckinsale must have been like the only hot chick to ever attend Oxford. WTF, she’s also fluent in four languages! With an ass like that, she’s going places! )
Actually, ten bucks says that the main character is changed to a woman played by Kate Beckinsale and Mars is inhabited by vampires.