At their best, Aaron Sorkin scripts are driven by engaging, thought-provoking dialogue that still manages to sound natural. At their worst, they become rapid-fire word gauntlets where shrill actors talk-rape you with lines that communicate little more than “I was quite pleased with myself when I came up with this.”
This second teaser for David Fincher’s The Social Network (written by Sorkin, based on the Ben Mezrich book The Accidental Billionaires: The Founding of Facebook: A Tale of Sex, Money, Genius and Betrayal*) is closer to the latter. Hard to know if it’s the movie’s fault or just the trailer editor, since it seems mostly like a tighter-edited version of an earlier, much less-annoying version. Anyway, it stars Jesse Eisenberg, Scarfield (they say he won his Spider-Man role based on this performance), Justin Timberlake, Rashida Jones, and Joe Mazzello. I can only hope the movie is less obnoxious than this teaser, because I had the overwhelming urge to punch someone even before they got to the “We’re gentlemen of Harvard,” line. Drama! Yelling! Gravitas! Timberlake! (*fart sound*)
*Jesus, what is it with ridiculous subtitles these days? It’s like they’re trying to search engine optimize book titles now. You only get one colon, dude, this isn’t Human Centipede.
RELATED ASYLUM POLL: Would you want to see a movie about Facebook?
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So, Diablo Cody is just an alias?
Ironically I want to Poke Rashida Jones and Brenda “He made Facebook” Song.
Pamela Lawrence is gonna sue the shit out of these fuckers. She’s had a facebook page for months.
“You better lawyer up because I’m coming back for everything.”
Mel Gibson(Under his breath): But you’ll blow me first. But you’ll blow me first! Say it damn it!!!
The Coke Slurpee I have in my hand is in a Youville cup. These people can go straight to hell.
Mel Gibson is actually the man with no Facebook.
After Facebook rapes me, will it also notify the authorities for me? And send notifications to all of my friends and everyone unfortunate enough to comment on it?
YoVille? WTF? I don’t even want to read it let alone think about.
Facebook raped my adult independence when it made itself easy enough for my Mom and Aunts to function on it.
“I TOLD you those guys were f*gs!!”
-Tom from Myspace
I can’t wait for the DVD so I can hear another commentary track where Jesse Eisenberg kisses the director’s ass by likening this or that to Bunuel’s oeuvre while simultaneously fishing for compliments about his own acting. Seriously, pick any commentary track in which he participates and you’ll see I’m right. On Adventureland he brags about teaching theatre classes to inner-city kids while simultaneously making Holocaust jokes because “my grandparents were there”. And if any of you suggest I don’t watch DVDs with the commentary track turned on, my OCD says fuck you. Thanks, now I’ve typed too much and have to wash my hands 95 times. There goes my afternoon.
My wife wanted to friend all the people on my list (mostly people from here) and I told her, “IF YOU CLICK THAT BUTTON LOOKING LIKE THAT, YOU’RE GOING TO GET GANG RAPED BY A BUNCH OF DRUN**RDS! GO AHEAD, CLICK IT, but would you pretty, pretty please blow me first? I didn’t get one on my birthday, Father’s Day or our Anniversary last year. Please oh please would you blow me first?”
Me Yesterday: I will never see a more punchable trailer than Eat Pray Love.
Me Today: Hey Me Yesterday, check out this Facebook thing.
“You don’t get 5 retarded kids without fucking your mom a few times”
Since when can you use italics on Facebook?
This movie will combine the magic of nonstop yapcuntery with the thrill of standing over somebody’s shoulder while they update their status. To summarize, fuck you Sorkin, Studio 60 blew and West Wing was overrated.
The problem here is that you can’t walk and talk while computering.
“We’re gentlemen of Harvard. We settle our disputes in Thunderdome.”
/adjusts bow tie, helicopters dick
Pauly, Vince is on Facebook. I think they’ve let guidos use it from the start?
Who the fuck uses a question mark where a period should go?
/points thumbs at head, mopes towards corner
The Internet’s not written in pencil, Mark. It’s written in INK.FIRST!!!
da InrnEtz No RiDDenz in PenSels, LOL :^i) Is ridteN in ENKS!!!1! lmaorofls! Your mom, bich!
FIXED!
“where a period should go”
/points to mouth, Twilight t-shirt
BK: Commenter: Bird Rapist: One of the Few Women Who Puts Up With Your BS: Bullshit: Cow Plop: Etc.: Et Cetera: And So On: Colon
This movie is called “The Social Network”? I guess “Socialland” didn’t look right.