How much money would they have to pay you to star in a film about snorkeling vampires, vampire fang c-sections, and werewolf-on-telepathic-vampire-fetus love affairs?  I’d probably do it for ten bucks and some flapjacks, but as I’ve noted, I once ate a cat turd on a dare.  Speaking of people who look like they just swallowed a cat turd, Vulture reports that Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, and Taylor Lautner are set to make at least $25 million and probably about $41 million on the final chapter of Twilight, Snorkels the Vampire Fetus.

Insiders tell us that Summit will pay stars Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner each a whopping $25 million against 7.5 percent of the theatrical gross [Note: Not net. According to studio accountants, probably none of the Twilight movies have earned a profit. -Ed] for starring in the next and last two Twilight movies, Breaking Dawn, Parts One and Two.
Let’s conservatively assume that both Breaking Dawns do as well as New Moon [that's not that conservative, I would say it's 50-50 that they don't do as well -Ed.]: After factoring in exhibitor splits, a lesser studio share for international releases, and other typical debited fees that would give you a migraine if they were explained here, each star would take in another $16 million total, giving them all final paydays of $41 million. [Vulture]

$41 mil buys a lot of patent leather shoes. …Uh, so I’ve heard.  Still, you have to admit them getting a huge payday for this is only fair.  They’re not replaceable like Mike Dexter and the “you wanna see my sh*t guy”, and I imagine being accosted by lumbering hordes of Twihards wherever you go for the next ten years is no picnic.  If you were allergic to cats, it’d be a virtual death sentence.  The sad part is Universal is paying Taylor Lautner $7.5 mil to star in Stretch Armstrong because they think he’s a box office draw now.  As Stephenie Meyer would say, “That is a lot of money.  It was so much money, it was scary.  It was very scary.”

TwilightLOL8