How the bible should've ended
MGM is broke like your sister right now, so it doesn’t come as a shock to anyone to hear that one of their projects isn’t happening anymore. Still, fearing the worst and actually hearing it confirmed are two different things. More to the point, Moviehole recently spoke with a source at MGM, who told him the Darren Aronofsky Robocop I’d been hoping for is even worse off than the delayed-indefinitely plan that The Hobbit and James Bond are on. In fact, the project is vanished, dead, non-existent like Danny Masterson’s soul.
“Gone. Kaput. Canceled. It was one of the first casualties”, my Metro-Goldwyn Buddy said. “[Darren] has lost interest anyway, I believe. Think we’re all just going to have to be happy with the three RoboCop movies that are out there”.
Oh sure, Robocop 3, who could forget that one. Starring… (*checks IMDB*) Robert Burke, and, uh… Mako. Anyway, this is a remake that had the potential to be another Werner Herzog Bad Lieutenant, so this sucks. I would watch that movie at least six more times.
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/photo/257/thumb)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/Snake-Eyes-Shark-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/02/renny_harlin_Ratner-Crotchfondlebomb-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/12/HObbit-Knockoff-starring-ganddog-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/11/Magical-rainbow-pony1-150x150.jpg)
I’m on going to say this once. If you want to reboot a movie franchise “Billy Jack” Who would you want to star in it ?
Now where am I going to get my fill of complex machines being taken out by simple, every day things?
*flips through DVD collection, pulls out War of the Worlds, turns off brain*
Note – don’t actually own that DVD
RoboJesus can turn water into coolant
Holy Mary, Motherboard of God.
RoboJesus died for our SIMs.
“Robocop 3, Starring… (*checks IMDB*) Robert Burke, and, uh… Mako” Mako? It had a fucking shark in it? I can only remember that annoying kid and some flying nonsense.
RoboJesus will make you fiches of men.
Everybody knows that The Jews force quit RoboJesus.
“Gone. Kaput. Canceled. It was one of the first casualties”“Gone. Kaput. Canceled, see? Meeeeyaahhh, see?. It was one of the first casualties, see?”
*MGM contact pulls cigar out of mouth and spits tobacco bits.*
FIXED!!
Pontious Pilate was actually a shifty Asian who sold illegal software copies at the Sunday markets.
RoboJesus spent forty days and forty nights in the desert, on ‘hold’ on the Dell helpline.
RoboJesus overturned the tables of the DVD pirates in the NYC Subway
RoboJesus raised an Amiga from the dead.
The Blood of RoboJesus WD-40.
The Body of RoboJesus is a silicon chip wafer.
RoboJesús is a gardner with two hip replacements.
RoboJesus measures once and cuts once. He’s so exact!
If there was a reboot of the Billy Jack franchise, who would I want to star in it? Easy… Dolph Lundgren… obviously.
Gospel of Java 2:1
“And whenest thou congregation hath runeth out of wine, RoboJesus beseeched unto them; ‘Dost filleth unto these jugs witheth water, and bequeath them hither unto me’. Once thine serving wenches hath doneth as thine Lord had commandeth, and thus delivereth thou jugs unto He, a great miracle thus appeareth unto them; for RoboJesus had transformeth thine water into slightly warmer water, and thus revealeth the glory of God unto thee”.
“Robocop” + “Bad Lieutenant” = full-frontal robot nudity? Sweet! Let the hard drive jokes begin.
Is a Moviehole anything like a rapehole? Cause those things ain’t report’n nuthun