MINI SITE NEWS UPDATE: Hey, kids, Daddy’s back. I know Burnsy and Cho-Cho have probably been letting you eat candy for dinner and draw dog poop murals on the living room wall, but now it’s time for you to straighten the f*ck up and act right or else I’ll redden that ass in front of the neighbors again. Don’t think I won’t. Anyway, expect some news posts followed by a couple more Comic-Con posts at the end of the day, because uploading all those pictures takes forever. Now back to your regularly scheduled postings.
After the jump, Robert Rodriguez and his cute little Ché hat introduce a new trailer for Machete, which he says is pretty “loco.” (That’s how you know he’s Mexican). I’m not a Spaniard myself, so I don’t know what that means, but I can tell you that the new trailer is crazy. How crazy? Well, let’s just say, come for the bare boobs, stay for the Danny Trejo repelling out of a building using a guy’s guts for a rope. Because seriously, that happens. I thought no mames, guey, but mira, eet’s true. I’m curious as to what being on this set must’ve been like. Because I imagine that when you put Danny Trejo and Michelle Rodriguez in the same room, everyone ends up bleeding, pregnant, or both.
Mira, this trailer is muy NSFW, so if you wanna act like a little puto, go sell your oranges somewhere else.
I can’t confirm whether this is true, but I’ve heard the Mexican president begins every cabinet meeting by backflipping into the room wearing a wrestling mask and smashing the sh*t out of a piñata. Then the minister who gathers up the most candy fires his pistols in the air.
[Also available in high-res at IGN]
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:40-Angry Pomeranian attacks! YIP YIP YIP!
The Mighty Feklahr is certain that “Machete” will be released the same week as “Sex and the City 3: Bitches of Normandy Be All Gung Ho!”, and He is sure which of them the Drunkards will vote the Frotcasters review…
Danny Trejo’s parole officer is not happy about ANY of this.
Juarez, Mexico has more beheadings by 9am than this trailer has all day.
Oh, Michelle, it’s no thin white tee shirt, but I guess black leather and an eyepatch will be okay, too. Rawr.
At 1:13 — “Back the fuck up and watch.”
What the veterans tell the new guys when Seagal walks into the Old Country Buffet.
That’s how you’re supposed to make tripas. Pinche Gringos.
Danny Trejo is still a little confused about what exactly it takes to get a piece of the Aggro-Crag.
“I’ve got nipples, Machete. Can you milk me?”
The problem with the level of arousal that trailer stirred in me is I am not sure if it is directed at M-Rod or Jessica Alba. I think it might be the eye-patch M-Rod is wearing I see that and all I can think about is skullfucking her.
I’m going to need to see everyone’s papers, Machete.
I like how Danny Trejo rounded up the neighborhood kids to spraypaint Steven Seagal’s hairline.
Let me guess Michelle Rodriguez (echo: Michelle Rodriguez) dies in this movie. Only way I’ll see this thing is if it is paired with a Quentin Tarantino (echo: Quentin Tarantino smut flick… à la “Grindhouse”.
Guts as a Rope, Knives to the Skull, Dyke with an Eyepatch… fuck me, did Cannibal Corpse write the script?
I know naming the film, Machete, is sort of provocative, but I think it sort of confuses the audience. I mean this is just a documentary of Danny Trejo’s life, it’s as real as Rescue 911.
I think that’s Lindsay Lohan on the left.
Wasn’t her role a skinny dipper? And that kinda looks like her tit.
I saw it. Michelle Rodriguez actually lives.
Then I was given the kick.
*BRAHHHHHM
I’d like to go on record in saying that Michelle Rodriguez is one of today’s most accomplished thespians.
In every role, I truly WANT her to die.
And in every role, she delivers.
Bravo.
Mashitty.
I have experienced an unique physiological reaction to this trailer.