"WHY SHE CANNOT MAKE ZEESS TAPE SEEX YEARS AGO?"

"WHY SHE CANNOT MAKE ZEESS TAPE SEEX YEARS AGO?"

If any of you young girls out there are taking notes, Laurence Fishburne’s 19-year-old daughter Montana has found a fool-proof way to break into Hollywood (besides having a famous father, of course): doing porn.  You have to admit, “Montana Fishburne” does sound like a porn name.  Possibly a porn title.

TMZ has learned Montana Fishburne is starring in a porno flick for Vivid Entertainment — explaining, “I’ve watched how successful Kim Kardashian became and I think a lot of it was due to the release of her sex tape.”
Unlike the celeb she admires — Montana is not arguing that her tape was stolen or obtained illegally.
We’re told the flick is set to be released in August.

TMZ also says the film will be “hardcore”, which, if they’ve been using their porn-term style guide properly, implies that we’ll actually see “dongs going in” and not just some Playboy video.  Now, far be it from me to discourage any young girl from doing porn (especially someone still in their teens, “barely legal” I believe is the term), but I think she’s got this all wrong.  See, if you’re the daughter of a famous person, it’s not carefully calculated career moves that are going to make you famous, it’s acting like a spoiled, stupid whore.  Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton are famous because they have sex tapes, but if it had seemed like they planned those sex tapes (which they did, but I’m talking about the public perception here), it might take away from the “vacuous moron” aspects of their character that people seem to enjoy so much.  No one wants to buy perfume and leggings from a goal-oriented girl who refuses to be embarrassed about her sexuality.  We want to buy it from a rich idiot who’s always flashing her vagina on accident because she’s so stupid, and thus, lovable.   So quick, go on TV, say this was all the tabloids trying to make up stories about you. Cry, and say “like” a lot. Then in a week “accidentally” leak the tape to RadarOnline.  You’re welcome.