It’s indie-movie trailer day on FilmDrunk, and you know what that means: Broken people! Finding love! In the strangest of places! After they’d all but given up! First up:
Jack Goes Boating
Philip Seymour Hoffman’s directing debut is characterized mainly by Philip Seymour Hoffman and his dishwater dreadlocks. At first he’s all mopey, like, “Ugh, I’m awkward, I can’t stop wearing this stupid hat.” But then one day he meets a nice girl, Amy Ryan (Beadie from The Wire), and she’s all like, “Hey, check me out, I’m kinda pretty, but I have a tragic past. You seem weird, wanna go boating?” And then Semen Hoffmore’s all “Yay! That sounds quirky!” Then the hipster music plays and someone goes underwater for some reason. Awkward whispering, falling in love! People yelling, life is hard! Hurrr, I went to NYU!
Welcome to the Rileys
James Gandolfini and Kristen Stewart both have tragic lives, so one day they were like, “Hey, we’re pretty far apart in age, wanna strike up an unconventional friendship?” And James Gandolfini was like, “Sure! Can I have a ridiculous accent?” And Kristen Stewart was like, “Sure! Can I be stripper and wear lots of eye makeup?”
MAH WAAHFE DEREN’T TALK NAH MERR.
SHRUG SHRUG LIP BITE MOPE.
Fin.
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I always knew baby dick would end up on this site before MEGAN FOX FULL-FRONTAL NUDITY NIP SLIP WEBCAM SEX TAPE.
I’d rather watch Natalie Wood go boating and have to deal with people telling me not to spoil the surprise ending.
What I like about Philip Seymour Hoffman is that, if you mix up the letters in his name, you get “a limp puny homo Sheriff”.
More like Connie Goes Whaling, amiright?
*Goes for High 5, gets left hanging by world*
“You’re changin’ that stripper’s lahf.”
“No, she’s changin’ mah fifty into ones.”
I bet James Gandolfini’s only befriending K-Stew because he wants her to come work at the Bada Bing.
needs more jive talking robots
What a coincidence, Gandolfini’s character also sparkles in the sunlight….from the stripper glitter.
“Gandolfini’s breathing is heavy.” – Påüłÿ Ðąηgęrσűşľγ, Filmdrunk
Paunch Drunk Love was my favorite episode of C.H.I.P.S.
I’d rather see Scott Peterson go boating.
I rather see Diora baird goes bating
welcome to…..(((dismissive wanking motion)))
I’d rather watch LeBron James showboating*.
*No I wouldn’t
I’d rather motorboat Diora Baird
I wanted “Don’t Stop Believin’” to start playing three seconds into that trailer.
I don`t see jack going motorboating on those itty bitty titties
I’d rather waterboard K-stew.
Indie films are getting to be the reality television of the moviegoing experience. They don’t address the human condition any better than the fake, one-dimensional, and overinflated characters from the pieces with bigger budgets, they just make us all hate regular people a little more by scripting caricature trainwrecks with emotional problems.
I’d rather watch . . . hey! They filmed the Gandolfini/Stewart joint in New Orleans?!!
I now hate my hometown more than I ever thought possible.
Love between ugly people is the most beautiful love of all.
Is that a new Whitney Houston song, Shop?
I found the trailer directly after with the wolves cuddling with the guy in the snow so much more exciting. I think I’d rather see that.
what?
that was an ad?
fuck.
That isn’t the way the old one goes ?