I think it goes without saying that any man would want to smell like Bruce Willis. The only question is whether I’d rather smell like John McClane or Joe Hallenbeck. Hell, if I owned the Dallas Cowboys, I’d change the club’s name to “Korben Dallas.” Anyway, for now at least, we’ve got the smelling-like-Bruce-Willis part covered.
Today, LR Health & Beauty Systems is “Bruce Willis‘ signature collection,” which he created in partnership with the German beauty company.
“I personally feel that the new Bruce Willis fragrance is the manliest scent in the world,” said Tilo Plöger, chief operating officer of LR Health & Beauty Systems. The Willis scent reportedly contains notes of grapefruit, pepper, and vetiver.
First announced in April, the collection includes hair [OH DELICIOUS IRONY] and body wash, deodorant, aftershave balm, and eau de parfum–which clocks in at ~15% aromatic compounds compared to eau de cologne’s ~5% [Racked]
That seems light. I imagine it would have to be at least 270% aromatic compounds to properly mimic Bruce Willis’ musk. Of course, that would be illegal in most states.
The design of the perfume bottle incorporates a huge metal badge which adorns “the exceptionally high-quality glass flacon,” which apparently is “heavy in the hand.” And of course, the packaging mimics “brushed aluminium and embossed riveting.” Finally, the product tagline is “Smart Guys Live Forever.” [Geekosystem]
Sold. My new morning ritual will involve spritzing this on my junk and shouting “YIPPIE KAI YAY, MOTHERF*CKER!” (Previously, I used Pam).
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Was Dreamworks the creator of that banner pic?
This perfume didn’t make the eyes of labratory rabbits bleed any less, but it gave them the ability to withstand the pain much better.
Furry Tom loofah or GTFO.
“It’ll make you feel like your nose had been dead this whole time.”
“I personally feel that the new Bruce Willis fragrance is the manliest scent in the world,” said Tilo Plöger…”
Tilo is obviously an authority on manliness.
Wrong. Obviously the manliest scent in the world is derrived from the essence of the communal sweat wiping towel from The Expendables set.
You’ve seen the type of tail Bruce has run through in his life, right?
I’d be happy to smell like his dick.
When reached for comment, Ashton Kutcher was quoted as saying “One sec, I’m ordering something.”
I already use Bruce Willis’ scent to keep raccoons out of my shed. Don’t tell him, I collect it while he sleeps.
Do you spray it on the head or gut?
Ashton’s going to buy a bottle of this as Demi Moore repellant when he wants her to quit fucking nagging him about his bedtime.
Unless this cologne smells like bacon, beer, a football,sweaty socks and pussy all mixed together, it’s not the manliest smell in the world.
My closet, on the other hand, reeks of manliness.
Please! I’d still rather slather on toxic amounts of MANDOM. In my stylish but oddly spacious apartment. Alone.
Damnit, ‘Swi… You got dick all over the underside of my Edward vampire pumps.
It’s the scent that drives Corbin Bernsen wild.
I smell dead people!
I hear that, what with the riveted metal badge and the heavy bottle, it’s down right Unbreakable.
Your closet reeks of hooker sweat and fear JHC.
Every time you put this cologne on, somewhere in the world a man with a European accent dies.
Bruce Willis has shot his way out of so many god damned aromatic compounds
Rumer has it.
I accidentally bought “Willis’ Signature Collection” and now I smell like crystal meth and sexual abuse.
Better get your hands on a bottle now, sales are expected to skyrocket after Willis stars in Die Hard With A Pungence.
Bruce turned down the first five scents they offered him.
The Mighty Feklahr is here for the exceptionally high-quality ass bacon!
I’ll only buy this if it comes with a hand puppet that has a gun inside.
I like to wear it while killing Micks and Dagos in a snappy suit and fedora.
Also while drinking whisky by the quart.
[Something burrowing under the ground is pushing up a long, growing mound of dirt. The mound approaches then stops. Crappy pops out naked, with a poodle under one arm and a two foot salami under the other]
Strangely, the German company was divided on this product.
Patton Oswalt’s fragrance is Fritos and Vaseline.
Robert Pattinson’s fragrance is shmegma and catbox.
Elton John’s scent is burn rubber and KY for Her.
Barney Frank’s scent is Elton John.
Ellen Degeneres’ scent is tulips pressed against four lips.
Bruce Willis eau de parfum. Strong enough for a man. Has no problem kicking the shit out of your fruity ass to prove it, too.
I feel like I’m playing with myself in public.
Smart Guys Live Forever
So this stuff smells like Stephen Hawking?
I understand that the formula finally released to the public was the sixth scent they tried.
Bruce Willis’ perfume may have the world’s manliest smell, but Bruce Greenwood’s perfume is the only one with horse pheremones.
Tilo Plöger… Das ist Alles.
That the perfume bottle looks….unbreakable.
Damn. Good thing mine is short cuz dicks be gettin’ stepped on all over the place today!
This will stand as the manliest scent until they release Mel Gibson’s Blow Me First.
I smell of failure with a hint of Tracy Morgan. The Germans should have got to him before Kevin Smith.
Looks like I’m stepping on the whole 9 yards.
“You feel that sting, big boy, huh? That’s my cologne FUCKIN’ with you!”
Bullshit I call bullshit
Manliest right the hell here!
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SCREW this wimpy smell.
Awesome, I get to be the first to make a “Return of Bruno” joke.
Wait, I’m not that funny, DAMMIT!
“German beauty company”. HA! Something, something Spain. Go to hell, I’m drunk.
what kind of man would want to smell like christopher walkens asshole, the yellow bastard from sin city, or grapefruit, let alone all three mixed together?
This is the scent Agent Smith speaks of in the Matrix
Argh