For a guy who hasn’t made a feature since Rush Hour 3, Brett Ratner’s name sure gets attached to a lot of projects. My sense is that he just shows up, collects a paycheck for a while, and then leaves when the nachos run out. The latest project for which he’s reportedly “in talks” is Hercules. I just hope they’ll treat it with all the respect they showed Conan, by which I mean hire a guy from a Baywatch spinoff to star.
Mustard my corn dog, LA Times:
Ratner is in talks to direct Lerner’s long-developed tale of the mythological god (Hercules to the Romans, Heracles to the Greeks). The producer has been developing the movie for more than three years, with the project gaining new momentum of late, though it’s still in the development stage. Little is known about the specifics of the new version, though it’s expected to bring Lerner’s classic action ethos to the larger-than-life character.
If this project ever happens (which it won’t), I guaran-godd*mn-tee you they will try to get Taylor Lautner to star. They should just re-release the original from 1970 in which Arnold Schwarzenegger fights a bear. This is one of my favorite clips of all time:
“Hercules… beat him up!”
In the Brett Ratner version, the girlfriend part will be re-written for Chris Tucker.
UPDATE: The Wrap says the LA Times story is not true. Incredibly, I didn’t need any fancy sources to know this wouldn’t happen, I only had to hear Brett Ratner was involved.
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Wait, are in the nachos INSIDE of his pants?
This isn’t a Marvel Herc project? I’m kinda surprised.
Nic Cage has come a long way.
Ratner’s movie contract is just Taco Bueno application covered in cheetos finger prints.
long-developed tale of the mythological god
One time I’m glad to have the nerd turned ON. Hercules was a demigod you f*cking LA Times hack.
This will be a contemporary piece set in Hollywood where Sam Worthington, unable to find a job, must complete three Hollywood Herculean Tasks to get a role in the new Brett Ratner blockbuster.
Task 1: Fuck Lindsay Lohan without having your dick melt off.
Task 2: Survive a three minute phone call with Mel Gibson.
Task 3: Beat Nick Nolte at “Drankin’ Checkers”.
The catch? After completing all three tasks, he winds up being a fluffer (and English muffin toaster) for Val Kilmer on the set of “Pussy Ninja”.
True story: I almost wrote “Sam Donaldson” instead of “Worthington”.
Ya know, watching the mayor of California dry-hump a man in a bear suit wasn’t as fun as I’d thought it’d be.
Are you his lover?
Armond White takes umbrage with the bear fighting scene:
“The bear that is loose in Central Park is a transparent representation of virile black men at large in society, which must be kept away from shrieking white women by Hollywood’s prototype of the Austrian Ubermensche. And where is that Ubermensche now? WHERE? I called that shit, man.”
Well /watching/ the mayor of California dry-hump a man in a bear suit wasn’t much fun, but that soundtrack!? Manific! Zorba the Greek combined with horsey clip clops and screaming! It’s like listening to John Zorn and Yamatsuka Eye.
Yeesh. Everyone knows what I meant by “are in the nachos inside”, right? That I’m an idiot and Ratner is a cheddar-crotched pervert?
Nachos…inside?
…
Oh, NOW He gets it! WHA HA HA! BONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So it’s true…….Klingons only laugh at pain and misery.
True story: The Mighty One laughed out loud during American Psycho when he stabs that homeless dude and kicks the dog. Then He felt like a total douche.
Crotch Fondlebomb was my favo(u)rite villian on Dudley Dooright.
(Hercules to the Romans, Heracles to the Greeks)
Yerculese’ to the people south of 57th street.
*Picks self up, knocks dust off hat*
…
*Can’t find horse*
Worst. Bjork video. Ever.
Coming Soon: Get Heracles To The Greeks!
A Seltzer/Friedberg
FilmShart.Pretty sure Ratner is attached to projects to keep them from blowing away.
Ratner was recently quoted in a WDJ article about super expensive limited edition coffee table books:
[online.wsj.com]
“Filmmaker Brett Ratner (“Rush Hour”) describes himself as a compulsive collector of Taschen’s books, noting that his Los Angeles home ‘looks like a Taschen store.’ He owns all of Taschen’s collector’s editions. He bought 10 copies of the Helmet Newton “Sumo” book when it first came out, gave several copies away and kept the rest. ‘It’s ridiculous,’ Mr. Ratner says of his Helmut Newton collection. ‘Why would I have more than one?’”
Because you are a ****ing moron?