Apparently this whole turtles raping shoes thing is, like, a thing. This time the turtle rapes a Croc sandal, though if you ask me, the croc was asking for it with all those revealing holes. I get the feeling this is what it’s like to be married to Larry King. [-Thanks for the tip, Robopanda]
DAILY CIRCLE JERK LINKS
- Enjoy Burnsy’s Nail in the Coffin: The Best and Worst of Hollywood Vampires. |Uproxx|
- Penis-headed sh*t fer brains Jeff Zucker ran NBC into the ground, and all he’s getting is this stupid $30 million severance package. How is this possible? Can’t we as a society confiscate this money and do something more worthwhile with it? Like set it on fire? |WarmingGlow|
- Chad Ochocinco ain’t a fan of the sisters, apparently. |WithLeather|
- This batmobile is pretty sh*tty. Then again, let’s see you build a batmobile out of a $100 car. This reminds me a lot of my first car. It had a family of bats living in it. |GammaSquad|
- Spank bank: Natasha A. |GorillaMask|
- 26 hilarously inaccurate knock-off toys. |Urlesque|
- According to a new University of Iowa study, Marijuana barely affects driving performance. According to a classic study by me, it definitely does. |Asylum|
- Meet the Chicago Blackhawks ice girls. Gotta love a girl who can handle a shovel. |Gunaxin|
- A xenophobe’s guide to hating all 31 World Cup opponents. |SportsPickle|
- Cinema’s best underrated fight scenes. |InsideMovies|
- Dennis Hopper’s most bizarre roles. |Ranker|
- Here’s a girl in blue body paint that has nothing to do with Avatar. (I think). |G4|
- This guy’s man boobs were so offensive they had to blur them in his mug shot. |FListed|
And here’s Lindsay Lohan as photographed by Terry Richardson, who’s supposed to be some big deal photographer. Are you serious, dude? Didn’t dressing your model up in Jesus crap cease being edgy like 20 years ago? This concept is as f*cked out as… well, the subject.
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Terry Richardson may be an aging, uber-hipster sociopath, but he takes lots of nudes, so there’s that. Here’s a link to his 2010 Pirelli Calendar photoshoot. NSFW.
No penetration? I didn’t realize we were trying to be classy.
I would fall from another building to do what T.Rich did in that calendar shoot. Then, I would fall from a much higher building to avoid doing what T.Rich did far more recently (see above).
Then I would dry hump John McClane’s shoes until they were useless, and order my ballerina assistant, Karl, to SHOOT THE GLASS.
I bet the German Girl in the background pooped all over the turtle as soon as the cameras stopped rolling, and the cameraman was disappointed she didn’t do it while he was still filming so he could have had the new internet sensation “Two Turtle Heads, One Croc”…
I have this whole series: The Re-Rapening, The Electric Woo-a-shoe, Christian Dior Sluts 9, and The Shoe Strikes Back.
It’s so heartening to see that turtle cum out of his shell.
All marijuana ever did was make me drive slow, no big deal. The main issues it caused was an inability to remember where I was currently, where I was supposed to be going, and what I said 2 minutes ago.
That croc looks like a strap on
Anybody know if Killers is coming out soon? I’ve been looking all over the interwebs and I can’t find a damn thing about it.
Speaking of Killers, why is Katherine Heigl humping that shoe?
The Mighty Feklahr just can’t get over that baseball call. He might just hang out at Without Laughter all day.
That turtle is Jim Joyce and the croc is that mexican’s name I can’t spell.
I would hate to be the guy who had to photoshop all the coke and track marks out of that lohan picture. There is only so much content aware fill can do really.
Afterwards, he went back to the sewer and hung out with his brothers, while they all high-fived each other, ate pizza, and said, “Cowabunga!”
Then they all gang raped Splinter, while doing the exact same thing.
Oh how the other turtles mocked him when he prematurely ejaculated 47 minutes in.
Lao, that totally reminds me of the X-Files episode about the inbred redneck brothers that took turns raping their mom.
And now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go look at some pictures of puppies to get my head straight
54 games downs, only 108 games to go until the start of the MLB postseason.
Must Love Clogs
Terry Richardson also convinces young models to blow him or have sex with him while he photographs it (for the art!) so that’s pretty awesome.
Sexy new up.
This is why I don’t make sex tapes.