At long last, New Sensations, the company that brought you, uh, all those other porn parodies, is bringing you The Breakfast Club XXX. I’m a little surprised it took them this long to get to the Breakfast Club, considering they already parodied the decidedly less sexy Golden Girls and Curb Your Enthusiasm. If they do one about Al Gore banging Larry David’s wife, I might have to join the Lose Your Breakfast Club (*gets sprayed in the face with seltzer*). Nonetheless, Faye Reagan was born to play Molly Ringwald in a porn parody. Uh, I mean, who’s Faye Reagan? Never heard of her. (*cough*) PUFFY NIPPLES! (*cough, cough*). Hey! Who’s ready for a “pretty in pink” entendre?
When five College students are forced to spend their Saturday in detention, they think that it is going to be, like, a total bummer. But instead it turns out to be a total F*ckfest!
THE BREAKFAST CLUB: A XXX PARODY gives viewers the Sucking & F*cking that was sorely lacking from the iconic film! From the school’s star athlete putting the winning moves on the Sexy & quirky Loner, to the Renegade getting Pretty deep in Pink when he finally hooks up with the Popular Girl, to the class Geek popping cherries in his “totally-not-fake” memory of Niagara Falls! Starring Faye Reagan, Andy San Dimas, Samantha Ryan, Syren Sexton, Brooke Van Bouren, Tessa Taylor, Breanne Benson, Levi Cash, Sonny Hicks, and Chad Alva.
“Andy San Dimas” might be the best porn name I’ve ever heard. (Andy San Dimas high school football rules!). Additionally, random capitalization and use of ampersands aside, that is the best-spelled, most grammatically correct porn synopsis I’ve seen.
Is it just me, or is Faye Reagan actually kind of a good actress? At least as good as Megan Fox.
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In all honesty, The Breakfast Club really DID need more sucking and fucking.
“Eat… My… Shorts! They’re edible undies.”
Unchanged quote:
Good, cause it’s going to be filled. We’ll keep going. You want another one? Just say the word say it. Instead of going to prison you’ll come here. Are you through?
I think Ringwald and Nelson would’ve come cheaper.
Jason Friedberg also gets sprayed with Seltzer every night.
*waits for bow tie to spin*
Seriously.
Damn you’d think that Ronald Reagan’s daughter would have enough connections to not have to star in a Breakfast Club porn parody
80′s porn remakes in full swing. I just saw that new ET porno called “Splice”.
theres detention in college?
There will also be a gay porn version of this done with cast members collectively known as “The Brat Fudge-Pack”
The Mighty Feklahr knows how to direct this bad boy. After the kids light up, the AMH character gets felt up by the janitor, hides in disgust, decides he liked it, starts beating off, and right as he takes a Winker*, the other four walk in on him! They are all so stoned, they can’t help but laugh as AMH grovels around on the wooden library chair trying to hide his dick with a droopy, red eye.
“Did you know without trigonometry, there’d be no engineering?!?!?! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!”
*taking the first shot to the eye
“THAT MAN IS A BROWNIE HOUND”
wait whats happeni….turn it off, turn it offfffff where the fuck is the remote turn it offffffffffffffffffff
*throws shoes at the dvd player.
HOLY FUCK! These baktags might actually have the punchline to that fucking joke about the naked blonde with a poodle and 2 foot salami!!!!!!
I want to see a 80′s porn parody of Better off Dead. Curtis Armstrong could play himself and a porn parody version of the race scene (Cusack v. Asian Brent Musbergers) would be just delightful.
Porno Breakfast Club serves Cream of Meat.
Porno Breakfast Club serves Biscuits and Gravy.
Wow, puffy nipples is right. Does she use a suction pump to for that or are they natural?
Molly has bigger boobs than Faye.
They’re down to her knees now, but whattayagonnado?
Can you describe the fuckus, sir?
When asked to comment, Roman Polanski replied, “Silly rabbit, Prix are for kids.”
So I can expect ‘St. Elmo’s Burning Sensation’ any time now, huh?
My porn name is Greg Splosion
Emilio Estevez’s porn name is Charlie Sheen.
I don’t mind the capitalization. It makes me think that maybe, just maybe, Thomases Paine and Jefferson are alive and well somewhere, making porno movies.
Ally Sheedy’s character combs crabs out of her bush or GTFO!
At the end, instead of Claire giving Bender her earring, he gives her a pearl necklace. Awww…
There will be no anal as Emilio duct taped all their butt cheeks together.
@Chino
A porno without anal is like spitting your food out after you’re done chewing it.
Sure as hell isn’t going to be lunch meat smaking that statue in the face.
+ c
+ funny
- comment
Don’t You Forget About Me will play whenever they put on a condom.
It’ll still be “meat” though, right Crappy?
College detention = Freshman orientation course
AMH’s character is there because he got seed on that fucking elephant lamp.
Well, that goes without saying McDu.
I bet in this one Bender does eat Claire’s sushi.
Roman Polanksi wants to direct (AND star in) the 80′s porn parody of Adventures in Babysitting.
If Johan Hill was in the origional it would have been, The Breakfast Shlub.
I call my morning wood my breakfast nub. :(
Who directs this one? John Huge?
[writter's pitch meeting called to close, Crappy leans into buddy]
Think anything I tossed is gonna take?
Fuck off, dude.
You know, Vince makes a point. With most porn actresses, I can tell when they are faking. With Faye Reagan a.k.a. Faye Valentine, I have never been able to really tell. She is a pretty good actress. Although, I thought her voice work on Cowboy Bebop was a little shoddy.
I’m not sure i could get into this; the stupid wigs could be too distracting. I’m willing to give it a shot though. I can wholeheartedly recommend the Batman XXX Parody though. Alexis Texas has never looked finer.
Wow this actually seems funny. And the writing and production value is better than that of The Bounty Hunter.
BTW, who plays Ally Sheedy’s character? I want to do more research.
@badkarma Andy San Dimas.
The poetic, unspoken part of porn is the forum descriptions written in english by Russians. Heres an example from a real post:
She first got drunk to the point that the guy ate ate dragged her home, but instead to put the girl to bed, the guy stole the idea. Why not pull out the drunken chick? She still did not remember. So he put the beauty of the cancer, lowered shtuny and began to spin until she woke up.
Thank you Russia
When Andy San Dimas stars in Bill & Ted XXX, I wonder if they’ll have the riffs from the original when they cum.
Tagline for Bill & Tad XXX:
“I’m Bill S. Preston Esq.!
And I’m Ted “Theodore” Logan!
And we’re hung like…
WYLD STALLIONS!”
Niel you make a good point. If I were given a time machine that could take me anywhere and any time in history….I would NOT be using it to pass a fuckin book report. What obviously undersexed teenager would? Hell no, they’d go straight to Caligula’s den of debauchery. Then to ancient Egypt and tap Cleopatra.
I have to say that the movie sucked but the xxx parody will be much better even if its a cheesy porn
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