Seltzer & Friedberg loved their new co-director, Retard Pig. Meanwhile, even Brendan Fraser thought it was so stupid he had to dump coffee on himself

Seltzer & Friedberg loved their new co-director, Retard Pig. Meanwhile, even Brendan Fraser found the action so stupid, he had to pour coffee on himself to prove he wasn't hallucinating.

Brilliant satirists Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg, whom you may remember as the writer/directors behind such films as Meet the Spartans, Disaster Movie, and Epic Movie, are back, and this time they’re doing a vampire spoof. Because they like to take their time and put a lot of thought into these, it will be in theaters in less than two months, on August 18th. The title?  Vampires Suck.  Seltzer and Friedberg are very in touch with their inner 5th grader, who’s kind of an idiot.  No cast yet, but the IMDB listing includes Ken Jeong of Community, which I hope is a misprint.  C’mon, Ken Jeong, you’re better than that.  Gary Coleman’s widow is better than that.

Say what you will about the obviousness of a Twilight parody, you have to admit a thuper therious thullen abstinence parable about gay vampire scarf baseball is at least ripe for parody; far more than, say, taking already funny comedies and “lampooning” them (I’m looking at you, 41-Year-Old Virgin Who Knocked Up... Etc.).  Though with Seltzer-Freebird, you know the satire will never go further than Lady Gaga slipping on a banana peel.  Seriously, I will bet you $1000 that this will include a Lady Gaga joke (the real loser of the bet will be the person who has to watch the film in order to collect).  Who finances these pieces of sh*t, anyway?  Oh right, Fox.

The problem is personal responsibility.  The guys who finance these should have to publicly take credit for them, every idiotic reference with no point or punchline.  I would rather finance child porn than a Seltzer-Friedberg movie.  Seltzer-Friedberg financiers make child pornographers look like hospice nurses.