If you saw Anderson Silva’s last few fights, you undoubtedly got the feeling the guy was just screwing around. As if to drive that point home, here he is “training” with 7th-degree Aikido black belt Steven Seagal. Aikido practitioners who’ve successfully transitioned to the world of Mixed Martial Arts include [citation needed]. So, what could a champion with 12 consecutive wins like Anderson Silva learn from a guy who looks like he’d get his ass kicked by any adversary not made of sandwiches? Judging by the video, eye-gouge submissions and karate chops to the back of the neck.
But despite teaching techniques that have been illegal in MMA since forever and 1997, respectively, you can tell Steven Seagal an expert because he’s wearing MMA gloves. What Anderson Silva may not be aware of, however, is that one of the unfortunate side effects of becoming an aikido master is developing a “unique physiological reaction to arousal.” Which in Seagal’s case means farting the entire score of Hard to Kill on a Vuvuzela. There’s also the matter of those pesky rape charges, but my travel agent assures me that groping is completely legal in Brazil. Strangely, the video never shows Seagal’s most important advice: if all else fails, use a bar napkin filled with a pool ball.
God I love that scene.
[props to HammerFisted and WatchKalibRun for the video]
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/global/images/default-avatar.jpg){kind=avatar}
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/05/John-stossel-kickboxer-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/04/Juggalo-Smoker-100-freestyl-150x150.jpg)
Silva would kill you, sparred with him a year ago and still have bruises, I know what you are saying but casual fans belong on couches casually
How do MMA fighters hide their erections during a match?
I think the only thing to do now is to pit Steven Seagal against Michael Jai White to see which actor gives the best fighting advice.
It’s gotta be more entertaining than Kimbo Slice’s last fight.
Ah yes, I recognize that maneuver from my many unfortunate dealings with the Jefferson Parish Sherriff’s Office. I believe they refer to it as the mount and thrust.
Jetski, did you mean Seagal? Because I don’t think there was ever any disagreement about Silva being a world-class ass kicker.
Kurg, Depends.
How do MMA fighters hide their erections during a match?
Sean Sherk hides his in plain sight. It’s just so small now that you’d have to specifically look for it.
Next up for Silva, a training session with Jeff Speakman on when exactly to spin his ring from the Jackass to the Spider.
The video of Forrest Griffin training to defend himself against a man wielding a banana is soooo much better.
How do MMA fighters hide their erections during a match?
I always wonder about that whenever I watch a Cris Santos fight.
[Rides up on Can Am Spyder modified with a wonky headlight. Begins chewing on turkey leg]
If I learned anything from watching Fire Down Below it’s that all we need to do to stop the Gulf oil leak is tie Segal to a big rock, throw him overboard, and let him kick that vent’s ass with a pool cue.
Problem solved.
Segal: I just assumed that Aikido would translate to MMA quite well.
Silva: Assumptions are the mother of all fuck ups.
Kate Gosselin: Did someone say “mother”? *rises out of cake, starts disrobing*
*Segal vomits self back to Hard To Kill weight*
-END SCENE-
Jetski means Katy Sagal, I’m waiting for Adenaline to call me back so I can get arm barred again, fyi my buddy Clay is a film buff, loves your blog and only wears nerdy movie tees in his free time
Pretty cool moves considering he’s just the cook.
Guy’cha, who was the chumpstain that Segal and Silva got to play “Jamie Yager” for them?
Looks like Belly of the Beast part II.
It’s gay subtext day on Filmdrunk.
Steven Seagal a.k.a. Jumbo Slice
It’s gay subtext day on Filmdrunk.
What’s subtext?
*Deep throats dildo, shoves banana up ass, realizes mistake, shrugs, proceeds*
You forgot to peel the banana again, didn’t you Morty?
Ohhhhhh. That’s what you mean by subtext? Well color me enlightened mauve.
Tapped in an armbar 2 weeks ago with Junior Gracie, the black sheep of the Gracie family and still can barely lift my left arm, tapped in time but he didn’t let go for an extra 10 seconds, great lesson??? Venting through filmdrunk? Yeah that’s pathetic, Semsei Karate Kid Jaden edition on Bluray in time for Christmas
No Morty, this is what he meant by subtext!
Dammittoallfuckinghell! HTMLFAIL.
Additional generic subtext
I thought subtext was writing on a sumbarine? *falls through trapdoor under stage*
In Aikido, you blind your opponent with powdered deep penis. That or skull fuck him, but that’s for 8th degree black belts.
deer penis
*puts gun in mouth, pulls trigger. Fucking water pistols*
I didn’t know that complaining and name-dropping were the same thing, but if anybody needs to get something off his chest, it’s Silva there in the banner pic.
When does he teach him “Jack it off?”
Steven Seagal is soon starring in: Hard to Fill
This isn’t the first time Seagal has had to wrestle somebody wearing kneepads, it’s just the first time there wasn’t screaming involved.
The last time I got tapped out by a Filmdrunker I couldn’t walk right for a week.
At the 5:41 mark you will notice Seagal trying to skull fuck Silva. Very disturbing. Also, why is Seagal teaching Anderson fucking Silva how to kick?
I can’t disagree that Segals personal life has become a joke but if you watched that entire video and just watched for negative things to post about then I feel bad for you. In that small clip if you couldn’t see there were things Anderson could pick up then you really know nothing about martial arts or MMA in general. Every martial art has something to offer, even a passive style like Aikido. I train Jui-Jitsu and kick boxing myself but Ill say this, Id take an Aikido guy against say a knife wielding mugger over any mma trained fighter. Just because a martial art does not translate as well in to MMA does not make it any less effective. Lets not forget MMA is pretty far from a real fight.
Funny; watch how Seagal attempts to teach Silva how to strike, placing his left foot forward, yet Silva consistantly places his right foot forward. No wonder he can’t get it right!