You go to the movies these days, and you see a lot of far-fetched premises. It seems like everything has to be ghosts and murders and car chases. “Why, that doesn’t look like me,” you say to the sparkling vampires or CGI prostitutes. “Where are the 13-year-old kids with mundane dreams? The families eating spaghetti?”
Logan is the antidote to these crazy Hollywood blockbusters. It’s about a kid named Logan who sees a movie (“The Job III”), and it inspires him to do something “a little crazy.” That crazy thing? Write HIS OWN movie! That’s crazy, because as Logan points out, a 13-year-old has never made a movie before. Plus, he’s not very popular. “Pff, yeah right. Like YOU could ever do anything cool!” the other kids tease. But then Booboo Stewart shows up and tells Logan to believe in himself. Suddenly, it seems things are going well. Like Logan might, against all odds, make a movie. But little did Logan know that his big brother would break up with a girl, and then tell Logan mean things and kick a lamp. In his rage, he even throws a comforter off the bed. Then Logan cries. BUT WHAT HAPPENS NEXT? DOES LOGAN MAKE HIS MOVIE? WHAT OTHER ADVERSITY MUST HE FACE? WILL HE OVERCOME? HELP ME, BOO BOO STEWART, YOU’RE MY ONLY HOPE!
This. Movie. Looks. Awesome. The twist? Spoiler alert: He grows up to become M. Night Shyamalan.
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M. Night Shyalami Sandwich thinks this is a masterpiece. And he would know better than any of us
The Conductor is an allegory for Logan’s discovering hair where there didn’t used to be any.
Admittedly, getting picked on by Ghyslain Raza is one fucking bitter pill to swallow.
His matching beauty marks are symbolic of his multi-faceted artistic ambitions.
Boo Boo should change his surname to Zela.
Jayden Smith is making the wanking motion.
Unfortunately, my wet dreams only involve big girls.
Shouldn’t they be in a garage?
Logan ==> GO ANL.
I’d like to buy a vowel, please…
A kid that looks like a girl and another kid named BooBoo?
FFFFFFFUUUUUUUU……….
Please tell me that BooBoo kid has a brother named Yogi
I don’t know if this kid getting called a faggot should go in the rising action or the dénouement.
There are no small dreams, only small boys.
Wait, that doesn’t sound right.
My heart has a boo boo that only Logan coming out on top at the end of the movie could cure.
I have a question:
Is it supposed to be a twist when we find out Logan has a horrible disease?
And the follow up:
If the disease is not progeria, how am I supposed to get hard?
“Aim small” is pretty close to my motto, once you take out the words at, the, of, their, and backs
This movie needs Rob Schneider.
I accidentally threw my comforter on the floor and the batteries came out.
Doctor: “Ma’am, I have some bad news about your son Logan. It appears that his estrogen levels are through the roof. I’m afraid I have no choice but to repeatedly rape him in the ass.”
Fine, but when does he get adamantium claws? This looks like the most boring origins story ever.
Fine, but when does the goat fucking start?
I really don’t have the time or patience to sit through this trailer. Just tell me . . . when does he go all berserk and start effin sh!t up with the bone claws?
No polo shirts were harmed during the making of this film
SONOFABITCH MIZ! You couldn’t let me have one?
Swear to Jebus I did not even read your comment. F me.
Couldn’t spell adamantium in time, eh?
Weeellllll . . . it being an origin story I thought I’d go wiff the bone claws. Also I typically can’t get Goody Two Shoes outta my head after typing/saying Adam Ant-ium.
FUCK! GET IT OUTTA MY HEAD!!!!
I made a movie* when i was thirteen. The critics** loved it.
*Your mom in the shower.
**My penis.
Logan kills himself and his friend finishes his movie for him. Then hollywood gets a hold of it and the next thing you know, people are outwalking explosions and everyone has a Gatling gun. Seriously, count the number of Gatling guns in movies in 2010.. so sad Iron Man 2, Jonah Hex, Kick Ass, Green Hornet. Its kind of like the early 90′s where every bad guy died by being impaled onto something. Fucking Hollywood…. I’m so high right now
Spoiler alert: Logan gets Pete Townshend to finance his movie.
“HELP ME, BOO BOO STEWART, YOU’RE MY ONLY HOPE!”
This line is so much funnier if you say it using Tracy Morgans voice.
The trailer clearly implies that the older brother kills Logan (after the girlfriend realized that he’s gay and wouldn’t play along with the charade any longer.)
If I want a tragic I’ll-make-my-dreamfilm-at-any-cost movie, I’ll keep BackPage:
[vimeo.com]
my fingers are crossed for a Columbine-style denouement