It hasn’t ended up online yet, but if you’ve been watching the NBA finals or the World Cup at all in the last few days, you’ve probably seen the new commercial for Knight and Day that prominently features quotes calling it “FRESH” and “ORIGINAL,” and painting it as the island of creativity in a sea of remakes and sequels. And I guaran-g*ddamn-tee you it was a direct response to trend pieces in the Hollywood Reporter and New York Times about how moviegoers are burnt out on sequels and remakes.
The ads are so hastily cut together that they don’t even attribute the quotes. It’s just “FRESH” covering the entire screen, with no indication of whether the person who said it was Ben Lyons or DJ Jazzy Jeff (who’ve both been known to describe things as ‘fresh’), or whether the full sentence it came from was actually “Knight and Day is a pile of monkey sh*t that smells especially fresh.” Are you f*cking kidding me, Knight and Day? In the era of Pete Hammondses, you couldn’t find one empty suit with whom to identify a positive statement about your movie?
"Knight and Day is a masterpiece. I loved it even more than I love cleaning turds off my own assh*le with my tongue." -Pete Hammond
The silver lining is that, at least according to tracking numbers, the public isn’t buying it.
Remember last week I toldja [ugh -Ed.] that Knight And Day was tracking terribly — no better than Killers? Now the about-to-be-released pic’s tracking is worse. Interest went from 29 on Friday down to 26 on Monday. [Deadline]
That’s promising that Knight and Day is tracking similarly to Killers, considering THEY’RE THE SAME F*CKING MOVIE. My new boyfriend is a spy??? MY TINY FEMALE BRAIN REQUIRES ME TO FLAIL ABOUT IDIOTICALLY BEFORE JOINING HIM ON A MISSION.
It should be noted that “tracking” (polling people on whether they’re aware of or interested in seeing a particular movie) is wrong as often as it is right. But my point stands. F*CK YOU, KNIGHT AND DAY. I will not see you, even if there are not gays in there.
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“Whoever is responsible for this movie should be put in a gas chamber” “I’d rather masturbate with a cheese grater that watch this piece of garbage”
“A GAS!!” “MASTUR…PIECE”
Watching them switch their marketing entirely in response to ‘The Killers’ being released is the most interesting thing about this entire film.
So wait, this isn’t a reboot of Inch High Private Eye? Damn. Now I’m not interested either.
Tom Cruise has a painting that ages instead of him.
That painting is called Cameron Diaz.
They are not the same goddamned movie. Knight and Day is A FUCKING WORK OF VISIONARY GENIUS !
Oh well, back to huffing turpentine.
Holy shit! Is that Bret Ratner!?
I watched the Mask on Starz the other day. Cameron Diaz used to be so hot. And she had nice bewbies! Seeing her now…it’s like Night and Day.
Mr. Fondlebomb is my fathers name, you can call me Crotch.
The difference between this and Killers is like (K)night and day!
I always thought Orwellian adds were 8 slices of bacon, cheese and a bottle of Paul Masson’s finest?
Oh shit. My bad. Orwell is what his friends called him.
Inch high private eye is the nickname I have for my pee pee.
[An orderly pushes a gurney into the morgue with a body bag on it, then leaves. Crappy unzips the bag and climbs out dressed as a clown, rope around his neck, and wiener hanging from pants]
Dear Hollywood,
Tom Cruise is poison. He jumped around on Oprah’s furniture like an spastic jackass, looked like a total moron lecturing Matt Lauer about psychology being a joke and Xenu being the road to mental health (and looking like the bigger moron whilst sitting next to Matt is grade A moron) and those virals of him talking to the other fuckwits in his “religion” was the death knell. Well, there was Valkerie which would have been better if he had been able to project the hysterical paranoia that von Staffenurg was feeling, instead he was just kind of, there. Oh, the Tropic Thunder bit, ya, that was fun, until he fucked it to death at the end dancing around in a scene so inexplicably unfunny, it wasn’t even so unfunny it was funny. Now a movie about that ancilliary character from a fairly funny movie that I assure you, will be complete shit because that character won’t carry an entire film.
In the words of the good doctor, “You are all diseased.”
Let him die. Let us have Rain man, Born of the Fourth, Color of Money, Jerry Maguire, fuck, even Minority Report to remember him by, then bury him in the ground for 30 years untli he can have his Betty White moment then die.
Please?
Yours in simmering hate,
Diremutt
I’d rather watch Cameron Crowe squirm around on Tom shooting guns.
I’m thinking, maybe Tom should have e-metered the title a little better.
I call my Jergens lotion my “fondlebalm.”
Crappy, you add Days of Thunder to your list or we’re never
banging trannies togethertalking again.Is there an industry term for cockblocking other studios by putting together an identical movie and releasing it at close to the same time?
/Not sure whether Killers or Knight & Day was doing the cockblocking in this case.
It’s a sad day when I’d rather have sex with Bret Ratner than any other woman in a banner pic.
Someone, for the love of all that is Holy, please lure that bitch Cameron Diaz with some Reese’s Pieces, wrap her up in a blanket, jam her into your fucking bike basket and phone her the fuck home!
*wipes Cheeto dust off cock*