Recently there was some hubbub and possibly even hullabaloo about Jennifer Love Hewitt 
Watch a preview for the Lifetime original movie “The Client List,” starring Jennifer Love Hewitt as a mother who will do whatever it takes to support her family, even the unthinkable! [whoring. -Ed.] Inspired by a true story. Premieres Monday, July 19 at 9 PM et/pt. Also starring Cybill Shepherd and Eric Laneuville. [via Fark]
Eric Laneuville?! Sacre bleu! Point being, who’s laughing now, jackass? I bet you feel pretty stupid for ever doubting Jennifer Love Hewitt’s acting ability and star power. You were probably just jealous of her luscious titties.
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Lucius Tities. Isn´t that Frozone´s secret identity?
Hips don’t lie.
Or get smaller, apparently.
Sure, if Wonder Woman’s superpowers were making sad eyes and assuring you it happens to every guy.
Hell. To. The Yes.
I can’t even count how many “parties of five” Jennifer Love Handles inspired back in the day. I’m thinking if she gets dumped two or three more times by D-list Hollywood types she’ll be ready for a Showtime Original movie and a hearty debate over whether it’s too little or too late.
Love the inspired editing. Reporter says “major bust” cut to bra shot…
What a fall for the star of such a big hollywood movies like … mmh.. you know, the one, where she`s ugly, but not really, with that guy…
Whoring is ‘unthinkable’? I think the word Lifetime is looking for is ‘unremarkable’.
Would. Still. Bone.
…though I have to say, her southern accent is about as believable as her dress size.
True story time: There was this gal at the cathouse in Iowa City that ordered (I worked for Dominoes) Taco Pizza (with extra hot sauce) for lunch rather predictably. I remember the first time delivering that pizza there, being a relatively naive and fresh-faced 19 year old. The thing that overwhelmed me was the smell…it smelled like…a whorehouse (tuna pie and ‘Mop n Glo’).
Anyway, one confirmation that I brought extra hot sauce and a tip of two damp, sticky, wadded up dollar bills later, I was set free. When the reality of where I had just been and what I was paid with crashed in on me, I had one of my “Childhood is now over” moments.
Now, the reason I bring this up? Well, let’s just say girls that work cathouses in Iowa don’t look like Jennifer Love Hewitt. Hell, they don’t look like Kirstie Alley. If there were any ho in the building as banging as JLH, I would have turned right around and cashed them two grimy dollars back in.
I saw the taco pizza girl from time to time after that. Mostly on nights when I picked up my little brother from work at KFC when the buffet was going on…in all of her “People of Wal-mart”/stretch shorts glory.
And there we have it, the non-embellished story of The Mighty Feklahr and The Taco Pizza Whore.
“Mamma sez the reason Jennifer Love Hewitt is so ornery is cuz she has that big fat ass and short little arms to wipe it with.”
Her star power is > 9000
Middle names are fucking pretentious.
Hey Fek, ever been to EJ’s Legacy in Ames? Seeing a stripper give a dude a handy – to completion – right there in sniffers row was my “Childhood is now over” moment.
Not only is her Southern accent atrocious, she doesn’t even have a hint of inbreeding
If she married Brian Cox, her full name would be Jennifer Love Cox.
Wait…so if I let my wife become a whore…I get a motorcycle, Christmas for the kids is covered and I get lots of sympathy sex?
*buys new heels for the Mrs.*
GOTTA SPEND MONEY TO MAKE MONEY.
A Secret Prostitute is a guy. He’s strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.
Is that a shaved Chuck Norris escorting her in the banner pic?
I’m not what most women would call “attractive” or “sexy” or “handsome” or “rugged” or “burly” or “muscular” or “worth a shit”.
Therefore, I’m not one to point out that maybe she isn’t as pretty as she used to be. Maybe not as thin or wrinkle free. I’m not going to talk about out her not being a very good actress or that she’s on a retarded television show. I don’t have a leg to stand on when it comes to criticizing others.
My point is, I’m a dude, she’s got nice tits, a vagina and a pulse. I would deffo throw down with her.
If she marries Reggie Bush = Jennifer Love Bush.
If she married former University of Tennessee back-up QB Jim Bob Cooter…
well…
Hurr I’m a Whurrr
If she married the descendand of turn-of-the-century automobile manufacturer James Ward Packard, she’d be Jennifer Love Hewitt-Packard.
The Schindler´s client list included a soap factory and the old guy that lives in the corner of my house.
If she married me, she’d be Jennifer, love, shut the fuck up while I’m trying to watch this.
More like EJ’s Corral, HI…
I’m not sure her vajazzling would mesh with my penazzling. It would be like untangling fishing lures in a rolling canoe.
Secret? Check!
Hooker? Check!
Dwarf? . . . Bitch is 5 foot 2. Close enough!
Vince, I demand the appropriate tage be applied to this post forthwith.
[undulates into room doing the worm with a lit roman candle up his ass]
She may not be Hollywood hot, but she’s definitely Springfield hot.
Poor Cybill Shepherd has fallen so far she doesn’t even merit a joke? Maddie…
The appropriate TAG as well.
I once tried to shove a light bulb up Cybill Shepherd’s ass. When she asked me what the fuck I was doing, I said “moonlighting”.
TA-DA!
At least I hope it was Cybill Shepherd… I still can’t tell her apart from Corbin Bernsen.
Cybill? Cybill Sheapard? She who cunted Moonlighting into the shitter? [racks round into 12 guage] BRB!
Fuck that Donk, sersly.
Donk, Corbin Bernsen doesn’t clench as tightly when you make the initial insertion.
The More You Know . . .
Did that reporter just say “Going on behind me right now is a major bust”?
Oh, yeah and if she married Andy Dick …
Oh, yeah and if she married Andy Dick …
Then Andy Dick has a problem with his citizenship?
I like this game!
I can’t throw my remote across the room without hitting a gaddam Ghost Whisperer on forty different channels. I’m over her, but who’s rack would take it’s place among the finest tits in history?
Awww yehhh… J-love. I think of you every time I masturbate with cottage cheese.
With her self esteem, i bet it would be super easy to convince her to do anal.
So yes, I’d defi-fucking-lutely still bone her.
I thought that women hated J Lo Hew, she doesn’t seem a good pick for a lifetime movie.
Although I guess that women would enjoy seeing her act like a whore and getting her life ruined.