Ratner-Dorm(“Hey, bro, is your refrigerator running?  Yeah, well.  It’s been running through my mind all night.”)

Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland was lame and sh*tty and still made a billion dollars, so why not another fairy tale adaptation?  A lot of blow and bad decisions, yadda yadda yadda, Brett Ratner is producing an “edgy” take on Snow White.

Relativity Media has made a preemptive acquisition of The Brothers Grimm: Snow White, an edgy 3D re-imagining of the German folk tale written by Melisa Wallack.
The Brothers Grimm: Snow White will be produced by Bernie Goldmann, Ryan Kavanaugh and Brett Ratner, with Tucker Tooley exec producing.

What a coincidence, “Tucker Tooley” was Brett Ratner’s nickname in Hebrew school.  Hey, Rat Man, do that impression of a hilariously cliché, Hollywood dipsh*t you do.

“This is not your grandfather’s Snow White,” Ratner said.

Beautiful, brother.  You are so talented.

“Melisa went back to the 500 year old folk tale and put in some of the things that were missing from Walt Disney’s film. His dwarves were miners, and here they are robbers. There is also a dragon that was in the original folk tale. Walt made one of the great movies of all time, but ours is edgy and there is more comedy. The original, made for its time, was soft compared to what we’re going to do.”  [Deadline]

YOUR SNOW WHITE WAS SOFT, GRANDPA!  MEET THE NEW DWARVES, JUNKIE, SKULL TAT, AND NOT A FAG!  You want comedy?  Knock knock, who’s there? DRAGONS, F*GGOT!

Keep in mind, at this point Brett Ratner is only co-producing.  And in Hollywood, the actual job duties of a producer vary widely.  Though in this case, I think it’s pretty safe to assume they mostly involve “expressing asinine opinions with your mouth full.”