(Bynes pretends to be happy to see herself)
Amanda Bynes always seemed like she had a cute, positive energy that didn’t feel contrived, which is pretty important in a young actress. I say this, of course, based on trailers for the crappy movies she was in that I never bothered to see, but still. In any case, Bynes recently announced on Twitter that she’s retiring from acting, and E! was there to pick up the pieces hurriedly copy and paste it. Yesterday afternoon she Tweefed:
I’ve never written the movies & tv shows I’ve been apart of I’ve only acted like the characters the producers or directors wanted me to play [yep, that's why it's called 'acting.' -Ed.]
Being an actress isn’t as fun as it may seem
If I don’t love something anymore I stop doing it
I don’t love acting anymore so I’ve stopped doing it
I know 24 is a young age to retire but you heard it here first I’ve #retired
“Waaah, acting isn’t as fun as I thought it’d be. I don’t need this stress, I’m gonna go see if Candyland needs extra unicorn groomer.”
Anyway, Bynes most recently co-starred as the popular chick in Easy A, so if she’s for real, it may be your last opportunity to see her in a film (*sad Bieber bangs*). That was the story E! covered. But perhaps just as important was her last Tweet before her retirement announcement:
I like black men I’m very attracted to them just fyi
Sounds to me like someone had an argument with her father on Father’s Day. “Oh yeah? Well I’m quitting my job forever so I can go bang black guys, what do you think of that?” Ouch, Mr. Bynes, you better go mend fences. Looks like you just got Kardashian’d.

Guy’cha! The Mighty Feklahr wouldn’t wish that on a broke-dick dog.
*Incoming transmission from the future*
@amandabynes: “Being unemployed is not as fun as my black boyfriend made it sound.”
I’m attracted to tall guys, but you don’t see me quitting my job over it.
I like black men I’m very attracted to them just fyi
Buddy buddy-buddy-buddy-buddy. I’ve seen some bad-ass bush before, man, but nothin’ like this.
She’ll never quit faking loving black guys, or blacting
The type of woman I like has forced me to continue working so I can leave money on the dresser.
Is this like Freddie Prinze Jr. “I’m retiring, wait nobody cares so I’m unretiring” retiring?
She was in a show called “The Nightmare Room”? What was her “nightmare room”, a university computer lab filled with pillow-lovin’ slants?
There He goes “projecting” again…
Julia Stiles showed that a good actress can bang black guys and keep working.
(hurriedly rubs on shoe polish)
This isn’t racist, is it?
@ Burnsy -
I would have had that joke in first, but I spellchecked her last name. Further proof that ignorance rules the day.
The Mighty Feklahr guesses this lands her firmly in Team Jacob?
*honka honka*
Good luck asking to write the pornos you’ll star in 10 years from now
Pass.
I hate perverted dudes ew 1:41 AM Jun 19th via web
Fuck you too bitch.
@MeganFox I like wack men I’m very attracted to them just fyi
Armani Blinds quit acting before her first roll BOOM! Sarsgasm
Alternate title: Amanda Bynes retires from receiving oral.
I thought she retired because her face swelled up to Luke Wilson-eque proportions.
She retired from acting to focus on being herself… twice.
Bitch got fat.
She’s got enough rolls to last her for a while.
I was going to retire and bang black guys but you can’t buy Olde E with food stamps.
I wonder if she ever got double teamed by Keenan and Kel?
when youre tagged team by keenan and kel it’s called the “goodburger”
retiring? what a big fat liar
*womp womp womp*
@amandabynes Stopping by the social security office later today!
Oh my god, stop making fat jokes about women! That’s so low and sexist an-..
Haha, just kidding, y’all. I’m not Katherine Heigl.
Someone get Jody Sweetin on the horn, ask her to send Amanda Bynes her last three W-2s and the name of her plastic surgeon.
Amanda Bynes looks like her face has been reading Twilight.
my really bad big fat liar reference was actually to that shitty movie she did with frankie muniz, i didnt even realize i was doin a fat joke as well, the good ol 2 in one,
ya’ll just got goodburger’d
*see above.
I don’t think retiring is a good idea. She needs to be able to bring home the chicken, fry it up in the pan…
Sasha Grey tweets that you can do want you like without retiring.
Looks like Kimbo didn’t really have to learn that unstoppable punch after all.
If she has a thing for the brothers, then maybe Michael Jai White can teach her the unstoppable donkey punch.
Amanda, word of advice:
once you go black you never go back, but if you go Sydney White that ain’t right.
*starts pimp walking while dodging thrown tomatoes*
How does that phrase actually go? I only remember the one my grandpapa taught me: “Once you go black, you immedietly become a whore in the eyes of society and no self respecting white man will ever want you.” Grandpapa had his demons.
I’m sure we’ll see her in more films, more like, home movies, available only on the internet.
sextape, is what i’m getting at here.
I guess the reason her face is all swollen is because she tried dating Chris Brown.
She must have a James Franco japanese pillow addiction. Nice cover Amanda!
Fake orgasms are still considered acting you cunt.