Ever since Joe Pesci pulled the ultimate pimp move in Casino, where Sharon Stone was mid-sentence and he just pointed to his junk and guided her head there, I’ve wanted to see more of Joe Pesci being a pimp. The sight of it just warms my greasy dago heart. It appears Pesci will doing more of just that in Love Ranch (for which you can watch the trailer below), the new movie from Ray director Taylor Hackford.
Pesci and Dame Helen Mirren (a DILF if I’ve ever seen one) play Charlie and Grace Bontempo, the husband and wife owner of the first legalized brothel in America outside Reno. Charlie brings a heavyweight boxer in from South America (Spanish actor Sergio Peris–Mencheta) to train at the ranch, and he’s soon putting his hot Latin love inside Grace’s mature, but still- steamy empanada (oh God, remind me never to use this euphemism again). Meanwhile, Bai Ling shows up in the role she was born to play, Mute Background Asian Whore Number 5. Anyway, it looks pretty good. I’m so excited I can’t stop grabbing my crotch and talking too loudly.
[Also online at Apple if this copy disappears]
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/photo/257/thumb)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/Morgan-Freeman-last-vegas-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/if-i-showed-you-all-the-money-shots-in-pacific-rim-youd-have-a-70-minute-orgasm-filmdrunk-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/trailer-rapture-palooza-starring-craig-robinson-and-anna-kendrick-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/About-Time-POster-150x150.jpg)
“Love Ranch” is the only acceptable dressing for tossed salads.
After the salad toss, I suggest blew cheese.
If it was an especially aggressive tossing, be prepared for raspberry vinaigrette.
and if it’s an Avatard whose salad you’re tossing, better bring some catalina.
He was just practicing his uppercunt.
I’d suck the curdled milk outta Helen Mirren’s tits.
a heavyweight boxer in from South America
Helen Mirren doesn’t look like she’s got a heavyweight box.
Every time I read something in all capitals online, I read it in the angry voice of Joe Pesci in Goodfellas. Now you will too. (it’s not a bad thing, it’s fun)
At this point I feel it necessary to say that if anyone is interested in Helen Mirren-in-her-youth sex scenes (and midget dick-sucking, among other delights!) they should check out CALIGULA starring the aforementioned Dame as well as the likes of Peter O’Toole and Malcolm McDowell as Caligula.
So it’s a Mayweather-December relationship?
Vince Vaughn really looks like he knows how to satisfy a guy.
Love Ranch? No thanks. I don’t want to have to bring her flowers and call her the next day.
I’d like to mirren-ate my cock in her saliva.
From the director who brought you Ray, a story about people overcoming thier disadvantages, comes a movie about people overcoming thier dignity
when you said “in the role she was born to play,” I assumed you meant Precious in the Blind side.
The Love Ranch is a place they fixed up after buying it from the B-52′s.
No No No…A DILF is a Dad I’d like to f@@!
Bai Ling wasn’t born to play this role, but she was spared from being killed at birth by her parents to play it.
Isnt love ranch the substance they pumped out of Robert Pattinsons asshole?
Charlie brought him to train at the ranch, but he only nailed his wife.
I think Pesci would be a good name for a type of aquarium fish.
Rue McClanahan was originally cast in Helen Mirren’s role, and the movie was going to be called Love Blanche.
She also starred in a porno when she was younger titled Rearin’ Mirren.
That boxers most dangerous punch is the whorehouse.
I think I’ve seen this movie on PornHub. There, it was called “Horny Granny Gets Her Pussy Stretched”.
Pesci and Dame Helen Mirren (a DILF if I’ve ever seen one) play Charlie and Grace Bontempo.
Sounds like these actors got to have some good times on set.
“Say Goodnight, Gracie.”
“GLMFFFF NGGGTFFF HGRFSSSEE”
Good Times. Bontempo. Fuck you, nobody puts Morty in the corner.
The Love Ranch enjoyed bumper crops of bushes all through the ’70s.
I think Vince is a DILF (Dago IROC Laido Fugazi)
What are the odds we’ll get a Helen Mirken scene?
The gay brothel next door is called The Dude Ranch.
The poor man’s whore house next door was populated only by fifis, it was called, The Glove Ranch.
I hope she polishes that mexican’s knob until its spic and span.
Charlie: Wait…the fuck is this?! You shaved it?
Grace: I did it for you! I heard you liked the box to have a shine!
Charlie: *beats Grace to death with a shoe*
Gina Gershon is one hot TILF (Tranny I’d like to…)
Gina Gershon.
Nice.
Bai Ling is in this? SHIT.
I can’t wait until the trailer of “Love Ranch Trailer” comes out.