And the award for Most Highbrow Photoshop Concept goes to…not Chodin!
If in 1992 you had stepped out of a time machine and said, “Hey queer, in the future there will be a fourth installment of Universal Soldier and it’s going to be in 3D!” I would have probably praised that as one of the coolest ideas ever and then worshipped you as some kind of demigod. Though mind you that in ’92 I also thought Hypercolors were going to be the future of fashion -in my defense, I was waaay into crack cocaine and Satanism back then. Well, regardless of whatever we may think is or isn’t a good idea, news out of Cannes this week is that Jean-Calude Van Damme and Dolph Lundgren will reunite in October for Universal Soldier IV. And yes, the film will be in 3D. Of course.
Details are still pretty scarce on the asinine project, but it does make me kind of sad that only now are we applying the concept of 3D to Jean-Claude Van Damme. I’m thinking that they should have started in the 80s and just made everything he’s ever done into three dimensions -interviews included. I mean, do you have any idea of the kind of sick sh-t that I would do if I could watch the below Arsenio Hall interview in 3D? Let’s just say that I’d be open to sexual adventures involving Sarah Jessica Parker and a Slap Chop.
Suggestive wink to THR for the tip.
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/metallica-through-the-never-looks-intense-filmdrunk1-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/04/Lundgren-Jaa2-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/your-mid-week-guide-to-dvd-and-streaming-for-a-good-time-call-the-paperboy-filmdrunk-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/jean-claude-van-dammes-video-tribute-to-george-st-pierre-150x150.jpg)
I’m not seeing any of JCVD’s movies in 3-D. I would be trying to dodge that fucking cyst on his forehead the entire time.
Yes, Banner Pic JCVD, the thought of Universal Soldier IV in 3D makes me want to cry blood too.
Ya’ll remember those JCVD rewinders? They looked like tiny VCRs and you’d think “Man, that’s a high tech VCR. Look at how small it is. That would look badass in my entertainment cabinet.” But then you’d read the description and find out all it did was rewind your stupid VHS tape. That’s all it did. Those things sucked.
It is American shithead who makes tricks with bricks
*shits on your Mom’s chest*
Very good. But brick not hit back!
… OR IS THERE???
The “IV” in the title stands for the intravenous drip Dolph Lundgren’s going to need in-between each take.
It is American shithead who makes tricks with bricks
Lebron James?
Say what you will, but Dolph is an inspiration to chemical engineers everywhere.
The third Universal Soldier, Regeneration, is actually pretty good. Quite a few good beatdowns. John Hyams is a much better director than his father, anyway.
I’m hoping Hyams gets more money this time around. Regeneration looks fine, but it was clearly shot on the cheap (hello abandoned factories!).
Cannes is just sounding less and less fancy.