I give up. I’ll never write a movie review as funny as Lindy West of The Stranger and her review of Sex and the City 2. I’ll give you only two small snippets.
- Samantha’s vagina is doing fine. She rubs yams on it, okay? She takes 48 vagina vitamins a day. It accepts unlimited male penises with the greatest of ease. Now let us never speak of it again.
- Each woman is immediately assigned an extra from Disney’s Aladdin to spoon-feed her warm cinnamon milk in their $22,000-per-night hotel suite. Things seem to be going great. But very quickly, the SATC brain trust notices that it’s not all swarthy man-slaves and flying carpets in Abu Dhabi! In fact, Abu Dhabi is crawling with Muslim women—and not one of them is dressed like a super-liberated diamond-encrusted f*cking clown!!! Oppression! OPPRESSION!!!
Look, just read it. Trust me.
-Thanks to Drew for the tip
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Don’t worry, buddy, you still have bigger thumbs.
Pajiba is fucking terrified of Lindy West.
Not even the Arabs will ride those carpets.
West probably still has sheetrock walls. Fuckin’ amateur.
Guess there’s no need to play Plot Synopsis Through Expository Review Quotes with this one now, is there?
Maybe you would wear a burka too if you had your clitoris cut out. See what I did there?
The Mighty Feklahr be Filmdrunkin’ all kinds of movie blogs today!
This chick is Chino. It has to be. There can’t be that many cool chicks that live in the Pacific Northwest, can there?
Seven out of ten arab men prefer sex with their camels to sex with Samantha. We never heard back back from the other three.
Banner pic: I think he wants to offer her a carrot.
Lindy West is that dude that flew across the Pacific Ocean nonstop, right?
Lindy West is Vince if he had a vagina.
And talent.
Jesus, SJP has probably an entire Avon catalog worth of make-up on in that picture, and that’s still the best they could do.
Pete Hammond’s face just melted.
I prefer my movie reviews to come from The Strangler – “Gripping stuff.” He says that about everything though.
I am so hard for that probable lesbian right now.
By the way, Paramount just offered Lindy West a low seven figures to hash some more out on this “gay men playing with Barbie Dolls” idea.
Sad thing is, you could walk into a FOX Stupidos exec’s office, pitch this word for word, and walk out with a developement deal.
Jaw droppingly vapid!
-Roger Ebert
This movie is proof, they hate us because we are free.
“How do the women without help do it?”
In the butt.
I thought these freaks were supposed to be into fashion. Why isn’t one of them wearing a fez?
Pete Hammond: I don’t feel so good this summer.
SPOILER: the movie ends on a cliffhanger, after Carrie spends a night of unbridled passion with the Black Stallion.
Sex and the City 3: If You Like It, Put a Shoe On It.
In cinemas 2012.
“SATC2 takes everything that I hold dear as a woman and as a human—working hard, contributing to society, not being an entitled cunt like it’s my job—and rapes it to death with a stiletto that costs more than my car.”
Can I nom that now that it’s been posted here?
You know what they say, You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make a decent film out of dropping a horse in the middle of the fucking desert with it’s three cunt friends.
#Sexandthecity2: The cuntdown is on, don’t miss out on the summer’s sexiest and funniest magic carpet ride!
Why should I care what the guitar player from Mountain thinks about SATC2?
Excellent review. Please God don’t let me wake up to find out Patton Oswalt wrote it three days ago.
Lindy West is fucking genius. Check out her piece “The Different Kinds Of People There Are” over at The Stranger. Fucking. Genius.
this is an epic review, the last line slays
Wow, what a find, epic is right. But in full disclosure, “Lawrence of My-Labia” isn’t the least funny thing I’ve heard today.
But to be fair, Nitty, they stole that line from Seth Rogen. I can’t remember if it was Knocked Up or Zack and Miri, but “Lawrence of a Labia” has definitely been used as a porn name in a mainstream movie before.
If I wanted to spend 2.5 hours of my life watching self-obsessed, superficial bitches do all the things I wish I could be doing right now if I had unlimited funds and time…I’d watch reruns of Absolutely Fabulous.
Her Clash of the Titans review was so good:
“Then you see the kraken. The kraken is cool. Then the kraken is vanquished in two seconds. Then you move on with your life and never think about the kraken again, because the sun is out and you are a human with taxes to do and babies to snuggle and fried chicken to eat and life to live. Nothing personal, kraken. You did your best.”
Wow, an entire newspaper based around my favorite masturbatory technique!